


pyromania

by skyways_are_highways



Series: pyromania [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Bending (Avatar TV), Angst without a happy ending, Canonical Child Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internalized Homophobia, Lesbian Mai (Avatar), M/M, Major Character death because half the characters are dead, Murder, Murder Mystery, Past Mailee, Past jetko, Period-Typical Homophobia, Sad Ending, Teen for language, ghost zuko, the relationship didnt end badly or anything zuko just died
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 43,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26384176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyways_are_highways/pseuds/skyways_are_highways
Summary: Dead people are dead. Sokka's seen it himself. First, his mother, then Yue. Dead people don't come back. And even if he spent a long time wishing otherwise, there are no exceptions.Except, Zuko Sozin should be at least seventy. All evidence points to the fact that this kid was born in 1940. But, last Sokka checked, anyway, Zuko looked like a sixteen-year-old boy. He dressed weird, talked funny, and that massive burn scar pointed tosomething.___The house up the street is haunted and the ghost inside has a scar he doesn't remember getting. The ghost is also pretty cute.It's kind of a sweet deal, actually.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Hakoda & Katara & Sokka (Avatar), Katara & Sokka (Avatar), Mai & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka & Suki (Avatar), Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar)
Series: pyromania [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2096574
Comments: 228
Kudos: 580





	1. Smoke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it. my magnum opus. im literally so excited you have no idea

"Katara and I are going for a walk," Sokka says to his dad over his shoulder. He turns around a little faster than he meant to, trying to avoid Hakoda's eyes. Sokka didn't want to move to Omashu at all, and he'll let himself be mad for a bit longer.

Katara glares at him as soon as the front door closes behind them, "Can you give him a break, Sokka?"

"What? It's not like any of us wanted to come here in the first place," He pulls his jacket tighter around himself, scowling.

Katara doesn't say anything else but scoffs before turning to look at the yellowing trees. It's officially Fall now, partway through October, and it's hard not to notice. Carved pumpkins sit on half the porches, and there's a scarecrow every other lawn. 

The between them is awkward in a way it hadn't been until they moved, and Sokka feels the urge to fill it, "Did you meet anybody at school today?"

"Not really. The kid who was showing me around was sweet, though. His name is Aang," Katara says, sounding grateful for the subject change.

Sokka grins and nudges her with his elbow, "He was sweet, huh? Sounds like you made a friend," he singsongs through the last words, and her face turns red.

"I've only met him once, Sokka!" Katara says with a smile in her voice, elbowing him back, "What about you?"

Sokka sighs, his 'tour guide' was pretty useless, going as fast as possible, "I got stuck with some senior who definitely hated me. He didn't pause at all."

"Oh please, I'm sure he just had places to be," Katara laughs, but even Sokka can tell she's not really sure. 

He shrugs, and they fall into silence again, except this one is comforting. Sokka glances down at his feet briefly, avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk out of habit. When he looks back up, there's someone up ahead that definitely wasn't there before.

"Who's that?" Sokka asks.

Katara scoffs, "How am I supposed to know? You seem to forget that I have spent the same amount of time here as you." 

The person hasn't moved, and Sokka vaguely notices how much colder he feels. "We should say hi. Maybe he goes to our school?" Katara whispers and Sokka doesn't have time to respond because she's picking up her pace.

They're close enough to see him, now, and Katara has a point (he'd never tell her, though): the kid does look about their age.

He's got long hair that's honestly pretty messy and does not match his otherwise put togetherness. His clothes look like they're straight out of those old movies Sokka's mother used to watch. Sokka almost misses the massive scar going across the left side of his face, but when he sees it, he involuntarily sucks in the air through his teeth. The other boy either doesn't notice Sokka's reaction or is nice enough not to say anything.

"I'm Katara," his sister says, going in for a handshake, "and this is my brother, Sokka."

"Lovely to meet you," he says, and _God is his voice great to listen to,_ Sokka thinks, "I'm Zuko. Do you two go to Republic High?" 

"Uh, yeah, totally!" Sokka stammers, and Katara gives him a strange look, "What grade are you in?"

"I'm a junior," Zuko grins like someone made a joke, but Sokka hardly notices, "Try and find me tomorrow, maybe we can sit together." He smells a little like smoke, and Sokka briefly wonders if Zuko smokes cigarettes.

Katara shifts next to Sokka, "Yeah. We'll see," something in her voice makes Sokka nervous. Zuko evidently doesn't notice her shift in tone and stares out into the street. 

Sokka's about to turn to his sister when he sees _something._ It's weird and definitely impossible, but Sokka swore he saw Zuko _flicker_. If Sokka blinked, he would've missed it. Katara grips his arm. She must've seen it, too.

Zuko furrows his brow, still looking away from them, and says, "I have to go. See you at school?"

"Yeah, probably," Sokka says. 

Zuko finally meets his eyes and smiles slightly, "Great. I live in that massive house on your street." Katara nods as Zuko walks away and disappears around the corner.

They pass three houses before Sokka says, "You saw it too, right?"

"Saw what? The way he just fucking blinked out of existence for a split second?" Katara's grip on his arm is starting to hurt.

"Listen, maybe we just imagined it or something. It's not like people can _actually_ do that," Sokka tries to be reassuring, but he can hear his own voice waver.

Katara grumbles something he can't make out, "He acted really weird too. He dresses like it's the fifties or something."

"That's not fair. Maybe Zuko just has a particular aesthetic," Sokka says matter of factly.

"No, you just thought he was hot. That's what's not fair," Katara retorts. She's feeling better, then, if she can find it in her to tease him. "We should ask around tomorrow and see if anybody else knows him."

Sokka doesn't respond, too busy trying to keep his face from turning red. Even if he _did_ think Zuko was hot, Katara was right. The dude was weird as hell. 

The next day, it became apparent that nobody knew who Zuko was. So, _definitely_ weird as hell. Katara had made friends with a couple of sophomores but still demanded Sokka sit with her. Sokka had then dragged _his_ new friend, Suki, with him. 

"So, nobody's heard of this kid?" Suki says, gesturing with her plastic fork.

Sokka nods, "From what I can tell, anyway. Just our luck, we move in and immediately meet the local creep."

"I bet he's not even real, and you both just got a contact high off something," Toph, one of Katara's friends, jokes. Apparently, being funny _and_ blind is some kind of killer humor combo, because Sokka laughed for practically ten minutes when they were introduced. Her seeing-eye dog, Badgermole, was laid down underneath the table. 

Katara makes a face at that, "We weren't high! I swear we saw him."

"Calm down, Sugar Queen, I know you aren't cool enough to get high, even on accident," Toph says, and Suki chokes on her lunch. Katara glares at Sokka when he stifles a laugh. 

"You guys could try checking the yearbooks!" Aang chirps, "I bet he just doesn't have many friends, so no one knows his name!"

Katara brightens at that, "That's a great idea, Aang!" Sokka notices Aang's cheeks go pink when Katara says his name and files it away for later. He may be an annoying older brother, but he can't humiliate Aang in front of his crush. Bro code and all that. 

After two hours spent in the library, there's still no sign of Zuko. Every book he would've been in school is entirely absent of his name or photo or _anything_. Suki, Aang, and Toph had come to help. Well, Suki and Aang were helping. Toph said that she was just invested and wanted to hang out. To each their own. 

"God, are you guys sure he wasn't just messing with you?" Suki says, looking up from a page of freshman, "We're looking in grades he's not even in at this point." 

"Listen, I don't think he was lying about going here," Sokka says for what feels like the thousandth time, "But he could've already graduated or something. Maybe check farther back?" 

Katara raises her eyebrow at him and closes her eyes, running her hand along the spines of the various yearbooks. She stops and grabs the book she landed on, eyeing the year, "Well, he certainly _dressed_ like it was 1955." 

Sokka rolls his eyes where she can't see and flips back to the beginning of the book he was holding. Maybe he just missed the photo?

"Why do you guys even care so much, anyway?" Toph asks from where she's sitting near Suki.

"Sokka thinks he's cute and mysterious," Katara singsongs before Sokka can open his mouth.

He glares very pointedly at his sister, "No, I don't. I'm just curious, is all. Even she agrees, he was super suspicious." 

Katara shrugs and turns another page in her book. She gasps just as Aang opens his mouth to say something, "Holy. Shit." 

"What?" Everyone else says at once, scrambling to see over Katara's shoulders. 

She points at a black and white photo, and _holy shit is right_ because looking back from the page is Zuko. Sokka almost doesn't recognize him. Picture Zuko is missing the scar and generally-unkempt hair.

"Is that him?" Suki asks, and all Sokka can do is nod. He saw Zuko _yesterday,_ and yesterday, the kid was _sixteen,_ not seventy-something years old. 

"If this is 55' then he should be like, super fucking old, right?" Toph says, looking across Aang's head.

Sokka takes the book from Katara, flipping through the other pages, "Yeah, definitely. He was not 'super fucking old' when we saw him, though." 

Katara meets his gaze, and he can see her silent question. _Did we actually see what we think we saw?_ Because apparently, Zuko's sixty years older than he's letting on.

"Maybe he's just named after a grandfather or something. What's the last name?" Suki says. 

There are pictures of this kid all over the book. At football games and school events, in classes, and even a quick little interview about that year's production of _Romeo and Juliet._

"His full name is Zuko Sozin," Katara says, her chin resting on Sokka's shoulder to see.

Aang visibly relaxes, "There's a senior with the last name Sozin, too. I bet that's his brother or something, and Suki was right about the name."

"That doesn't explain why he isn't in any recent books, though. Besides, I know what Zuko looks like, and even without the burn scar, I recognize him." Sokka shakes his head, scanning other photos for any evidence of Zuko.

"He's not in the next yearbook. For 1956-1957," Suki adds, "He couldn't have moved away, or you wouldn't have seen him."

Toph stands up and sighs, "Sounds like you weirdos found yourselves a mystery. I'm gonna go home, tell me if you figure out who the old-but-not old kid is."

Katara checks out the yearbook to bring home with them. They're sitting in Sokka's room, sprawled on the floor, when he asks her, "Why _do_ we care so much?"

She doesn't answer immediately, but after a long moment, she sighs, "I don't know. It's easier to focus on this, I guess." 

He gives her a meaningful look and turns back to the pages in front of him, "So he got to junior year and just vanished?"

"I'm not sure. There is another kid with the same last name that keeps showing up, so unless he moved and she didn't, he just disappeared," Katara says, rolling over onto her back.

"Wonder if he died or something," Sokka laughs, as though the answer would be something _that_ stupid. 

Katara raises her eyebrow at him and snorts, flipping through the yearbook. Sokka looks up at the ceiling.

Hold on.

The answer _can't_ be something that stupid, right?

Dead people are dead. Sokka's seen it himself. First, his mother, then Yue. Dead people _don't_ come back. And even if he spent a long time wishing otherwise, there are no exceptions.

Except, Zuko Sozin should be at least seventy. All evidence points to the fact that this kid was born in 1940. But, last Sokka checked, anyway, Zuko looked like a sixteen-year-old boy. He dressed weird, talked funny, and that massive burn scar pointed to _something._

"Hey, Katara?" Sokka says hesitantly, "What if he _is_ dead?"

She raises _that damn eyebrow_ again, and Sokka feels his face heat up.

"Are you being serious?"

"I mean, kind of?" He refuses to look at her, "Ok, listen. He apparently went to high school in the '50s, and he acts super strange. You said it yourself."

He can practically hear her thinking about it, "We did see him vanish, didn't we?" 

"Yes! Exactly! There's no way both of us made that up at the same time!" 

"I don't want to immediately jUmp to 'ghost' territory, but I think there's a _possibility_ you're right," Katara sighs.

"We could ask him. Say we never saw him at school and give him the chance to admit to it himself," Sokka tilts forward a little on his knees toward his sister.

She rolls her eyes and closes the yearbook, "Fine. We'll confront Zuko. But I have English homework, so save it for tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive pegged this one at about 14 chapters, but like, even this first one got way longer than anticipated so we'll see
> 
> this au is my baby PLEASE come yell at me on my tumblr @theleftdualdaosword


	2. Embers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so it begins
> 
> potential tw!!!: mild body horror/description of a burn, smoke inhalation (? idk if that's a thing but i figured i should put a warning just in case?)

Katara and Sokka decided they wouldn't tell the others about their plan until afterward. Sokka felt like it would jinx it, and Katara thought that if they did, the only people who hung out with them would think they were crazy. Priorities. 

The next night, Katara hands him the yearbook from 1955 while he puts on his shoes and says, "We're lucky Dad's working late tonight. I don't think we'd able to explain this one."

"Probably not," Sokka takes it from her, tucking it under his arm, "If I'm not back in an hour, come check on me." 

She nods a little sternly and crosses her arms, determined. Sokka gives her a sloppy salute and steps outside, closing the door behind him. It's cold, and there's a slight breeze, but Sokka hardly notices. Zuko might've been just weird before, but now there's a real possibility that he's a ghost.

Well. Maybe not a _real_ possibility _._ But still. Possibility.

Sokka wanders a little aimlessly, making sure to stay on his and Katara's street. Hopefully, if Zuko approaches Sokka first, it'll feel less like a confrontation. Katara also said that Zuko would probably show up if she _wasn't_ there. Apparently, Zuko had been "making goo-goo eyes right back" at him, which was _not_ something Sokka _ever_ wanted to hear from his little sister.

It's been maybe ten minutes when the temperature drops. Sokka almost doesn't notice it at first until he sees his breath hanging in the air in front of him. He smells smoke. 

"Didn't think I'd see you again," a familiar voice says from behind Sokka. 

Sokka turns around and is met with Zuko's easy smirk. If Zuko is going to be all cool and collected, then Sokka can play that game too, "Well, you did tell me to find you. I'm really just doing what you asked." 

"Color me impressed," Zuko leans a bit closer, "And did you manage to find me?"

It suddenly occurs to Sokka that this very well could be a game. As cute as Zuko is, he's heard too many stories from his grandmother about what happens when you go messing with spirits. He can't really go back now, can he? 

"Until just now, no, I hadn't," Sokka says, calmer than he feels, "In fact, no one had heard of you at all."

Zuko's snorts a little bit, and Sokka relaxes just slightly, "Weird. Wonder why," something mischievous flashes in his eyes, almost challenging. 

Sokka decides it's time to begin phase two of the plan. "I have to head home," he says as flatly as possible. Sokka's not going to go home, but the _whole idea_ is hinged on the fact that Zuko _won't_ know that. 

"Alright, well," Zuko steps back, "Don't be a stranger." He makes pointed eye contact with Sokka, and he flickers like he did the day before, which at this point is just rude. 

Sokka knows which direction his house is in and _doesn't_ head toward it. If he goes to Zuko's house and the guy is there, then clearly something is up. There's no way Zuko would be able to beat him there at all, let alone get inside it. 

After he gets a fair distance away from where Zuko'd been standing, he turns around to see the boy gone. Sokka's not sure if that's exciting or terrifying, but he keeps going up the street. He really only can guess at which house Zuko lives in, but of all the ones in his neighborhood, he thinks the one that definitely seems haunted is his best bet. 

It's clearly still taken care of, but he's never seen anyone go in or out. The lawn is manicured, if a little grown out, and the paint seems only a few years old. Definitely looks kind of goth, though. Seems fitting for a maybe-ghost. 

He takes a few deep breaths before knocking on the door. There's a long pause before the door creaks open. Sure enough, Zuko's on the other side. He's wearing the same expression from before until he sees that it's Sokka who knocked. Finally, Sokka gets to be the smug bastard.

"I thought you said you were going home?" Zuko asks slowly. The lazy grin from their previous interactions is long gone.

Sokka shrugs, "Yeah, well, I didn't. I also know that you didn't have the time to go home, either," It's pretty upfront, but Sokka can tell Zuko knows he's been caught. No need for pleasantries. 

Zuko gestures for Sokka to come inside. He hesitates briefly before going in, figuring that Zuko doesn't seem _particularly_ malicious. 

"What do you want me to explain, exactly?" Zuko says, flickering again. Either he's not even trying to hide it anymore, or he couldn't control it from the beginning.

The inside of the house is even more goth than the out, but just as taken care of. There's some dust on most of the surfaces, but hardly any cobwebs and the furniture is generally pristine. Everything inside is dark wood and red upholstery. Someone has a _very particular_ aesthetic.

"No one at school knew who you were," Sokka says, holding the yearbook out in front of him, "and the only proof we could find of you ever having existed is from 1955. Not to mention the weird flickering thing you keep doing."

Zuko's pale skin does nothing to hide the redness that climbs high on his cheeks. He clears his throat, " _Why_ do I need to explain? You clearly know what's going on." 

That's kind of a good point, Sokka realizes, and he pauses before saying, "I want to make sure I'm not going crazy, I guess. This isn't really a normal occurrence."

"Yes, but _what_ isn't normal?" Zuko says, eyes pleading.

"Do you need me to say it or something? Is that your problem? That you can't admit to it yourself?" Sokka's talking louder than he means to, and feels a little bit worse about the entire situation before continuing, "Because that's what I'm doing, Zuko! I'm _telling_ you that you're a ghost."

Zuko sighs in relief, and all the tension seems to bleed out of the room. He gives Sokka a tiny smile as he lifts his legs up and floats off the floor. _Oh._ Sokka may have figured out the whole ghost thing, but weird visual illusions are a whole different thing from _flying._

"So, you _did_ need me to tell you?" Sokka asks, dazedly. 

Zuko sits up in the air a little and cocks his head before Sokka can see the realization hit him, "What? Oh, no. I wanted to make sure we were talking about the same thing first. Most people never find out about the ghost thing at all. I didn't want to freak you out in case you passed out or something." Sokka finds that a little hard to believe. Zuko was acting weird when they first met, and a pretty small amount of digging had clued him in on the fact that something was up. Zuko seems to see the wheels turning in his head and adds, "Well, at least nobody's got the guts to actually _ask_ if I'm a ghost or not. That's just you, so far."

"What a record," Sokka says dryly. He's got a million questions, and all of them are at least a tiny bit insensitive. Or maybe just rude? Sokka's not sure there _is_ a right way to talk to a ghost.

Zuko laughs, and he's ten times less scary now that Sokka knows he's a ghost. In fact, he's almost back to being cute again. Zuko points to the book Sokka is still holding, "What's that?"

Sokka is thrown back into the present and looks down at the yearbook in his hands, "This is from 1955. It's the only way we figured out you were dead."

"Really? I'm in it?" Zuko sounds surprised at that and floats closer to see the book.

"I mean, you went to school that year, so, yeah? You're in it. It was kind of hard to recognize you, though. Without the scar and everything," Sokka says, turning to a page with a picture of Zuko sitting with some girls who are probably his friends. 

If Zuko sounded surprised earlier, he definitely looked it now. His brow is furrowed, and he's staring at the floor, "Scar?"

"Yeah, the scar?" He holds his hand up to cover the left side of his face, "Did you get it when you died or something?" Sokka vaguely notices that the smoke smell is worse now. Zuko turns away from him and flashes in and out of view.

"I-," Zuko chokes out, sounding more distraught by the second, "I have a scar?" he spins back around and _holy shit._ The collar and shoulders of his shirt are charred, and the scar on his face isn't a scar anymore. It's a burn. Red, angry, and if Sokka looked close enough, he'd see that it was _somehow_ fresh. Sokka coughs as the smoke hits the back of his throat. He waves a hand in front of his nose as Zuko flickers like a strobe light. Sokka can feel the hair stand up on the back of his neck. If his brain wasn't repeating _holy fucking shit_ over and over and over, maybe he'd have time to realize that, _apparently_ , ghosts make static. 

Sokka drops to his knees and keeps coughing, trying to escape the smoke that has come from seemingly nowhere. It's strange. He'd spent a lot of time as a child thinking about how his mother must've felt when that building caught fire. There's no fire now, at least, not one that Sokka's seen, but the smoke in the air is choking him, and he wonders if she'd felt the same sense of calm.

Zuko makes a strangled noise in his throat that somehow snaps Sokka out of his thoughts. He winces against the stinging in his eyes and shuffles toward Zuko. Sokka's never touched a ghost before, but he supposes there's no time like the present. He gets a firm grip on Zuko's ankle, which is kind of surprising. His list of ghost-related questions is getting pretty long.

Zuko turns to face Sokka with wild eyes, and Sokka does his best to look reassuring. Something in Zuko's expression changes.

"Hey, dude," Sokka isn't sure if Zuko can even hear him, but the smoke is getting thicker by the second, and it's getting pretty hot in the room, "You _need_ to calm down. I'm sorry I asked! _Zuko_!" 

There's a long silence, broken only by the faint crackle of what _sounds_ like electricity. _This is all pretty fucked up_ , Sokka realizes, wondering how long he's been gone, and how long it will be until Katara comes to find him. Zuko lowers his arms away from his face and takes a few deep breaths. 

Slowly, all the heat is sucked out of the room, and the smoke floats down to the floor, drifting around Sokka's ankles. He's ninety percent sure that's not how smoke works, but so far, nothing about Zuko has made sense, so he decides not to question it. Sokka looks up at the other boy, who looks just like he did when they first met. The scar is also back to the way it was, thank _God._ Sokka _did not_ want to look at the burn longer than he had to.

Zuko clears his throat, "I- uh," he doesn't seem entirely sure of what to say, and Sokka honestly can't blame him, "That's never really happened before, uh, ever? I'm very sorry."

Not the best apology Sokka has ever heard, but he's still a little rattled, so it's whatever. "S'cool," Sokka says _like an idiot. Seriously who even says something like that?_ "I shouldn't have asked."

"No. It's a fair question. It's just, I don't actually remember how I died?" Zuko sounds small. Sokka suddenly feels _really_ bad for him. "I guess thinking about it too hard isn't a good thing."

Sokka's about to say something else when there's a harsh knocking on the door. Zuko raises an eyebrow as he goes to answer it. Sokka can't really see because of the way the door opens, but _someone_ grabs Zuko by the collar and pulls him down to their level.

"What _the hell_ did you do to my brother, you jerk!" Katara shrieks. Zuko sputters for a moment, turns weirdly translucent and phases through her hand, straightening the collar of his shirt. He shoots Sokka, who hasn't stopped laughing since the door opened, a terrified, desperate look.

Sokka moves to where Katara can see him, "Katara, I'm right here. Oh my God, why don't you do that to people more often? You scared the shit out of him!" 

Zuko scoffs and rolls his eyes, "That was unnecessary."

"Well, we clearly called it, so maybe it _wasn't_ ." She scoffs right back, mocking, and turns toward Sokka, "I can't believe you were _actually_ right." Katara seems to notice the smoke still drifting along the floor and raises her eyebrow.

"I told you, I'm a genius," Sokka says, grinning, "Don't worry about the smoke, totally an accident." 

Zuko's head shoots up, "Wait, hang on. You haven't even told her yet. How does she know?" Sokka steps toward Zuko and grabs his collar as Katara had. 

He lets out an indignant, "Hey!" before pulling the same trick from earlier, turning transparent and freeing himself. Sokka gestures vaguely, and Zuko says, "Oh." Sokka also _doesn't_ miss how Zuko turned bright red when Sokka grabbed his collar, keeps his smug face to himself. 

"Fun little trick there, huh?" Sokka says, and Zuko rolls his eyes.

"We also had guessed before. Sokka might 'be a genius,' but he didn't figure it out all on his own," Katara crosses her arms, "Also, I don't see how fucking _smoke_ could've been an _accident_." 

Zuko, who had since begun floating a few inches off the floor, rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, and Sokka shrugs, "Really, Katara. It wasn't on purpose. I just asked some insensitive questions without realizing it. Kinda freaked him out. My fault." 

Katara's expression softens a bit. Zuko sucks some air in through his teeth, "No, it was me. Come on, I should've known I'd react poorly." 

_Oh, absolutely not._ Sure, Zuko _technically_ caused the smoke situation, but the whole interaction was a team effort. "You said no one had ever asked before! Even if you had known, you couldn't have stopped me from saying the words! No one can stop me from saying shit, anyway." 

Katara's eyes are flicking between the two, clearly waiting for Zuko's response. The other boy doesn't say anything, and Sokka counts it as a win.

"What'd you even say, Sokka?" Katara asks a little hesitantly, staring dead at Zuko. 

Sokka goes to open his mouth, but Zuko beats him to it. "He asked how I died, which, you know, seems like a reasonable-"

"He doesn't know what happened. Didn't know about the whole," Sokka gestures to the left side of his own face, "either. I should have dropped it, but I didn't." 

"Oh," she says with an unreadable expression on her face, "I'm sorry, Zuko. That's really unfortunate." She's not mad anymore, Sokka can tell, but she's still wary. Zuko doesn't seem sure of how to respond but smiles in her direction.

"Had you just never thought about it before?" Sokka asks.

Zuko furrows his brow, "I guess? I didn't really wake up until a while after I died, I think. The house was empty. I couldn't even remember my family for probably a few months. No one else ever really asked, either." 

Sokka can't imagine it. Waking up to an empty house, with no memory of how or why you were there. When he did remember his family, did he just think they'd abandoned him? Did they die too? What had he been telling himself these past sixty years? 

"Did you not know you were dead?" Sokka hears himself asking, though it sounds strange and far away.

Zuko looks at the floor, "No, I knew, somehow. I just woke up, not knowing anything, and then a few months later, it started coming back."

Katara sits down on one of the couches unceremoniously, ignoring the dust that puffs up around her. She pats the seat next to her, gesturing for the other two to sit down. "What'd you remember first?"

Sokka takes the spot next to her, and Zuko floats a few inches off the seat next to him. He knows his sister means well, but he's seen Zuko get overwhelmed, so he adds, "You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

"I had this empty spot in my head for a long time. But one day I just suddenly knew about my family. It was just my sister at first, then everyone else. My uncle and my-" Zuko gets an uncomfortable look on his face before shaking his head, "and then I started to remember my friends."

"You said they weren't there? What happened to them?" Katara asks. She's using her babysitter's voice, but if Zuko minds, he doesn't say anything

Zuko shrugs, "I don't know what happened to them- _any_ of them," He gasps before appearing right in front of Sokka and grabbing him by the shoulders, "You _have_ to help me find them." 

Sokka shakes his head in surprise, shooting a slightly panicked look at his sister, "I- uh, dude. Just cause my detective skills were good enough to figure out you were a ghost doesn't mean I can track down your _family._ "

"Plus, you weren't even being subtle about the ghost thing. Sokka's detective skills are shit," Katara chimes in from her place next to them, "Which, by the way? Were you even trying to hide the fact that you're dead?"

"What? No. I mean, yes, but it's been a few decades. I have _ghost powers._ You would've messed with some people, too," Zuko says, and Sokka can't help but agree, "And listen, I get it. But I _need_ to know what happened. I don't- They wouldn't have," He pauses, seeming unsure, "They _couldn't_ have left me on purpose. Maybe one of them knows how I died, too."

Katara and Sokka share a look. Sokka can't even begin to think about what _not knowing_ would feel like. It would drive him crazy. Katara isn't as sold, however. Her eyes tell him as much, and Sokka resists the urge to say yes anyway. 

"We'll think about it," Katara says finally. Sokka smiles at Zuko apologetically. The other boy releases his grip on Sokka's arms. 

For a split second, Zuko looks adjacent to a sad puppy, and it's _heartbreaking,_ but Sokka doesn't say anything else. "Ok, yeah. Thank you," he says in a tiny voice, with a fake grin plastered on his face.

Sokka thinks about it all night. He knows why Katara is hesitant. Zuko's scar says everything. It's unlikely his death was an accident, and she's not sure if she wants to get caught up in it. She doesn't trust him, either, and honestly, there's not really a reason she should. But every time Sokka tries to fall asleep, he thinks of his mother. If she woke up, dead, unable to remember a thing about who she is or how she got there, he'd do _everything_ he could to help her.

Sokka doesn't let his mind wander to Yue. It still hurts. 

He wonders if Katara's thinking the same things in her room across the hall. Laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling, the rain hitting the window outside. Their mom's death hit her harder, Sokka thinks. Katara was in the building with her. They were both unconscious when they were driven to the hospital. Only one of them woke up. 

Zuko doesn't get to know what happened. For a long time, he didn't even get to know who he was, let alone any details about _why_ he died. Sokka can't just _leave_ him like that, and Katara must know it too. Even if she says she doesn't want to get involved, she can't stop Sokka from doing it himself. 

The next morning, Katara comes into his room before his alarm even has the chance to go off. Her eyes are red and puffy, but dry. Her expression is stern. "We're going to help Zuko," she says, and Sokka can't help it when he breaks into a grateful smile. 

He sits up in his bed and says as sincerely as possible, "Thanks, Katara." Sokka knows she knows he would've done it either way, but her approval means a lot. 

"Plus, this way, you can figure out your crush on him," she grins back at him, "it was embarrassing just _watching_ you two interact." 

Sokka throws his pillow at her, but not as hard as he could've. She's doing him a favor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is SO MUCH LONGER THAN ANTICIPATED HOLY SHIT
> 
> tumblr: @theleftdualdaosword
> 
> (also i make out of context spoiler memes for the chapters before i post them mostly just for fun but i WILL post them on tumblr if people want me to)


	3. Flare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: references to period-typical homophobia
> 
> edit (11/2/20): mentions that jet also smoked cause i forgot oops

The yearbook is becoming one of Sokka's prized possessions, even after he has to apologetically tell the librarian that it'll be a late return but, _yes, she will get it at some point._ No one even checks out yearbooks, anyway, it's not like someone's _so_ desperate to know who attended Republic High in 1955. Well. Except for Sokka, maybe. 

It's been a couple of days since he and Katara agreed to help Zuko solve his own murder, which is not something Sokka _ever_ thought he'd do. He has plans to go to college for _engineering,_ Goddamnit, not murder investigations. 

There's very little to go off from Zuko himself. He has no memory of the event itself, let alone the following year or so. Presumably, a fire was involved. Zuko wasn't alive when he had the burn, or at least, not for very long after. This means they have to find people who _do_ remember what happened after Zuko's death. 

Katara's the one who suggests the yearbook, which she says like it's obvious, and Sokka concedes that she's right. She's not coming to Zuko's this time, busy with an English project. Sokka would be lying if he said he wasn't neglecting his education to hang out with the ghost who lives up the street, but no one's mentioned his grades yet, so it's not his problem. 

He knocks on Zuko's door, shivering a little against the chill. Zuko's grinning when he opens it, and hovering a few subtle inches off the floor. Sokka's not even really sure which one of them is taller, now that he thinks about it, but it doesn't really matter since Zuko rarely stands unless he has to.

"I thought you said you were going to come tomorrow night?" Zuko asks, and Sokka can feel himself flush red.

"Uh, yeah, but I wasn't doing anything tonight, so I figured I'd come early. Not like you had any plans, right?" Sokka says, trying his best to sound smug. So what if he forgot when he was supposed to visit because he got too excited? Sue him! The ghost is cute and _wants_ to see him. He can't pass that up.

Zuko raises his only eyebrow but moves to let him in, "So what do you have for me today, Mr. Detective?" 

Sokka holds out the yearbook, "Katara and I were looking at this before, but I figured that you might be able to point out some people who could help us if you looked." 

Zuko takes the book and flips through it, skimming the pages, "Probably, but I can't make any promises. Are there any pages with me on it? I never got one of these."

Sokka stops him on a page that's filled entirely with photos of students. They're all black and white, with a distinct fuzziness around the details. It's almost surreal, seeing Zuko in front of him, the same age he is in the photos. "You know any of them?" 

"Oh," Zuko whispers and holds the book closer to his face, "That was a long time ago, huh?"

Sokka looks at the picture Zuko's fixated on. It's taken outside at what looks like a picnic table. There are two girls and one other boy, all crowded close together. All of them are squinting, presumably facing the sun. The girls are sitting on one side of the tables, the boys on the other. 

"That one's Mai," Zuko says, pointing to the girl sitting across from him. She has some of her hair tied up into two knots on her head, with the rest spilling down her back. "The other girl is Ty Lee." She's all poofy skirts and smiles, with a long braid starting at the very top of her head. 

"You were friends?" Sokka asks, looking at the girls.

He nods, "They hung around my sister first, but then we became better friends." Zuko traces his finger around the photo, pausing at the boy's face.

"Who's he?" Sokka says, and Zuko freezes. 

"Uh, he and I were," Zuko sputters, and his form blinks once or twice. "His name was Jet..." The reaction is pretty weird. Something's up.

Sokka leans forward a little more, "Were you and him friends, too?" Zuko's still stammering, and Sokka gets a little worried. "Hey, dude, whatever it is, you can tell me. I'm not gonna judge you if he was like, your drug dealer or something."

Zuko lets out one awkward, forced laugh at that. "No, trust me. He and Mai were the only ones who smoked, I never tried it. Jet was, um."

If whatever Jet was is so bad that Zuko can't tell him, Sokka's not sure why the other boy just doesn't lie about it. This is getting kind of ridiculous, and he can see the blush climbing up Zuko's neck. 

_Holy shit. There's no way._

"Dude, was Jet your boyfriend?" Sokka asks excitedly. He hardly notices when Zuko's entire body tenses up. "He's pretty handsome, I can see why you liked him. The eyebrows are kind of a bold choice, though."

"You- You don't mind?" Zuko's voice is small, and he's still flashing like crazy. He has a scared look in his eye. Sokka finally makes the connection. Gay in the 50s. Right. 

"Oh, shit, Zuko, definitely not! That's like, a pretty common thing now. Nobody's gonna be weird about it, at least, no one _I_ know," Sokka is talking _way_ faster than he needs to, but Zuko still looks terrified. "I know it's probably not what you're used to. I promise it's not a big deal."

Zuko doesn't look particularly convinced, "Are you telling the truth?"

"Of course," Sokka says as sincerely as possible, "I'm not going to lie to you about that, dude." The other boy relaxes and lets out a breath that he must've been holding. _(Do ghosts even need to breathe? Further investigation required)._

"That's good, at least," Zuko says, "I honestly never thought it would be ok. I figured I'd just have to lie about it for the rest of my life." He's got a small smile on his face, staring at the yearbook photo again. "But he and I were together, even if nobody really knew about it." 

Sokka feels a strange little pang of _something_ bubble up in his chest but does his best to ignore it. "I'm sorry you had to keep it a secret," he says, "That wasn't fair to you or anyone else." 

Zuko nods with a soft look on his face that makes Sokka blush. "You said it's better now, though?"

"Totally!" Sokka says a bit too loudly, and Zuko shifts beside him. He decides he's feeling brave and adds, "I'm bi, myself." 

"Really?" Zuko asks with an urgency that makes Sokka's heart skip a beat, and all he can do is nod enthusiastically. Both of them are red in the face now. _God, if Katara were here, I'd never be able to live this down._

The silence is long and awkward, so Sokka clears his throat and says, "Was there anyone else in here you knew?" 

"Oh! Yeah. There was my sister, Azula, of course. My cousin was a few years older than me, so I'm not sure if he's in this, but his name was Lu Ten," Zuko thumbs through the book, before pointing to another picture. Azula looks remarkably like her brother. She has Zuko's dark hair and high cheekbones, even if her eyes are tilted a little differently. Sokka doesn't realize its a photo for the tennis team until he sees the racquet in her lap.

"Your sister played tennis?" Sokka asks, because looking at her photo, Azula is very put together. Her nails are long, and her hair is tucked up perfectly. Tennis is too messy and sweaty for Sokka to ever picture her participating.

Zuko laughs, "Yeah, and she was _ruthless,_ trust me. She almost got kicked off the team a few times for 'excessive force.'" Zuko says it with a fondness that seems pretty out of place if you ask Sokka, but it's not his little sister, so he keeps his mouth shut. 

Sokka reports back to Katara that night after dinner with the list of names. She doesn't ask why Sokka hasn't stopped smiling since he got home. He has a feeling she already knows why. 

"I can't believe you have a crush on a _ghost,_ " she says, taking the yearbook and list of names, "This is a new level, even for you." 

There's not much Sokka can say to defend himself, so he just shrugs and leaves for his bedroom. They're at lunch when Katara finally gets the chance to research some of the names. Aang is looking over her shoulder, having a conversation between bites of his food. 

"You're still looking for that guy?" Suki asks, gesturing to the yearbook laid out on the table.

"Right now, we're looking for people who went to school with him," Sokka gestures vaguely with his fork, "So technically, no." 

She snorts, "So just anybody who has a picture with him?" Sokka has no choice but to nod. He and Katara agreed to keep the ghost thing to themselves, for now. They'll tell the others eventually, but they don't have any other friends yet, and it seems risky.

"I've found a couple of obituaries. Zuko's cousin died a few years ago, along with the Ty Lee girl. Nothing on Mai yet," Katara says, glancing up for a moment. There are some names crossed out on the list, and several tabs open on her phone for researching.

Toph turns in her seat, "Mai? Like, Mai Ukano? The old lady?" 

"Uh, yeah, actually," Sokka tilts his head to the side a bit, confused, "Do you know her or something?" 

Toph breaks into a grin, "Hell yeah, I know her! She hangs out at the senior center all the time! We play chess, but usually, I just cheat." 

Now Suki looks confused too, "Why do _you_ hang out at the senior center? This is the first I'm hearing of this." 

Toph shrugs, absentmindedly petting Badgermole under the table, "Old people are funny. Plus, they don't really mind that I'm blind since most of them are halfway there anyway." 

"I think it's great you hang out with senior citizens, Toph," Aang says sincerely, smiling big. Toph starts laughing hysterically. 

"Do you think you could introduce us to her?" Sokka asks over Toph's cackling, "We're kind of out of options. Tell her we're doing a project."

"I mean if you're sure. Mai's pretty grumpy like all the time," she says, "I'll give her your number next time I see her, though." 

_She's an old lady, how bad could she be?_ Sokka thinks to himself while Katara thanks Toph for the help. _His_ grandma was a perfectly sweet woman, even if she had a mean streak. It couldn't be worse than that. 

Two days later, Toph approaches him after class with a grim look on her face. "Don't say I've never done anything for you."

He gets a call the next day on his way home from Zuko's. The voice on the other end is monotone and raspy, "You're doing a thing for school?" 

"Yes, with my sister. Do you think she and I could maybe come to interview you? It wouldn't take very long," He replies, more nervous than he thought he would be,

Mai sighs and says, "Yeah, sure, whatever," before rattling off the address of her apartment. It's surreal, knowing he's going to meet someone who actually _knew_ Zuko when he was alive. Who was _close_ to him. 

He just hopes she's not as bad as Toph says she is. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaah!!! like we’re really in it now fr
> 
> tumblr: @theleftdualdaosword


	4. Firebrand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here she is!!!
> 
> tw: vague references to homophobia

Mai is, evidently, as bad as Toph said she would be. 

It's _way_ too early in the morning on Sunday when Sokka and Katara get off the bus near Mai's apartment complex. It had rained hard the night before, and the clouds still hung low in the air. 

Sokka knocks on the door, looking uneasily at Katara. There's the sound of shuffling and a voice saying, "Get out of the way, damned cat!" followed by an indignant meow. 

"Hi, ma'am," Katara says when the door opens. Mai looks just like she did in high school, Sokka realizes, if not for the old age. Her hair is in the same style, half of it pinned close to her head in buns

She rakes her eyes over both of them, her expression changing so minutely Sokka almost doesn't notice. Mai gestures for them to come in, "It's cold out. You're letting the air in." 

Katara strikes up some conversation to which Mai only contributes one-worded answers and shrugs. The apartment is cozy, with light filtering through the windows. The red and black reminds him of Zuko's house, though less empty and cold. There are little knick-knacks on every available surface, including an almost concerning amount of knives, _seemingly_ as decor. 

Sokka decides not to ask. 

Mai situates herself on a big leather chair in the living room while Katara sits on the opposite couch. Sokka takes the spot next to her. 

"Toph says you're doing a project?" Mai says, sounding uninterested.

Sokka pulls the notepad out of his pocket and leans forward in his seat, "Yes, ma'am. On school in the 50s." 

Mai rolls her eyes, "Don't call me ma'am. I'm not _that_ old, am I, Knives?" She reaches down to pet the cat pacing in front of her legs

"Knives?" Katara tilts her head, seemingly as confused as Sokka is.

Mai snorts, "The cat. She's named Knives."

Sokka blinks a few times, "...Right. Anyway, can you tell us about the way people at school were expected to behave?" Katara scribbles a few things down on her paper as Mai talks, always the overachiever. Sokka, for his part, completely zones out. 

The side table next to him is mostly bare, with an empty coffee cup and a few picture frames. There's one of a man Sokka doesn't recognize, but it looks like some sort of graduation. The other is of Mai, younger than she is now but older than she was in high school, sitting next to someone who Sokka eventually realizes is Ty Lee. They're outside, sitting in front of a tree. Mai is looking at Ty Lee, who is smiling big at the camera with her arm wrapped around Mai's waist. Both of them are happy. 

"I didn't know you and Ty Lee stayed friends," Sokka blurts out, and immediately claps his hand over his mouth. Katara turns her head to shoot him the biggest _'I will kill you'_ glare he's ever seen, and Mai's face has gone blank. 

Mai stares at Sokka, "Yes, we did." There's a too-long pause before she says, "How do you know Ty Lee?" 

Before Sokka can say anything, Katara leans forward, "The yearbook! You two had some pictures together, is all. Speaking of, what were your friends like in school?"

"I hung out with mostly the same kids the whole time. We were pretty close-knit," Mai seems grateful for the subject change, "I'm sure you've seen them if you have the yearbook."

"What was she like?" Sokka asks, still looking at the photos. He needs to know. Who was Zuko, back in school? Who did he hang out with? Zuko can hardly remember his own life, sometimes. Someone has to do it for him. 

Mai narrows her eyes, "She was my _wife_. As you can imagine, I was quite fond of her." 

Sokka does his best to hide his shock. Zuko never said anything about Mai being gay, too. All he can manage is a small "Oh." Katara kicks him under the coffee table, _hard,_ and he bites his tongue to keep quiet. Does Zuko know? 

"Anyway, miss, can you tell me more about the theater department at your school? Katara says, rushed. The tension in the room is thick enough to cut through.

Mai eventually tears her eyes away from Sokka and starts explaining something about high school theater. He zones out again, staring across the room at more picture frames. None of them are of Zuko, just other people he doesn't know. Katara asks another question, and Mai thinks a bit before answering.

Sokka's frustrated. This isn't going anywhere. If Katara is going to ask useless, boring questions, they're never going to get the answers they're looking for. Zuko's sitting alone in that house and has been for what seems like forever. Mai might be Toph's friend, but he is Zuko's, and _that's_ what's important right now. A few more minutes go by, but Sokka can only tell because of the clock next to the TV.

Katara shifts in her seat beside him and says, "I have one more question, actually. Were there any notable events that occurred while you attended Republic High?" 

Mai glances at Sokka, and he feels her eyes on him. She shrugs, "Nothing that wouldn't be in newspapers." 

Sokka can't take it anymore. Mai _knows_ . She knows more than anyone else they've talked to. She _has_ to tell them because Zuko deserves to know too. It's not _fucking_ fair. Mai is lying, and he's going to call her out, "What about Zuko? What happened to him?"

Katara kicks him again, but there's less force behind it. She wants to know too. Mai looks shocked, the first emotion she's expressed aside from annoyance the entire time. She sits up and leans forward, meeting Sokka's eyes. Her expression isn't quite angry, but it's close. He struck a nerve.

"Zuko was my boyfriend. He got sick and died," She says, almost daring him to add anything else. Zuko had a _girlfriend?_ That can't be right. The anger drains out of him. Why didn't Zuko tell him?

Sokka's _really_ not thinking anymore because he says, "I thought Zuko was gay?"

Mai snorts, dry and humorless. There's a bit of silence, and if it was tense before, it's positively hostile now. Katara stands up, "I'm so sorry about my brother. I think it's about time we go, right, Sokka?" 

Mai holds out her hand, her expression unreadable, and instantly Katara sits back down. Sokka gets the distinct feeling that she's staring right through him. She sighs, "You seem like sweet enough kids, so I'm going to do you two favors. I'm not going to ask any questions, and I'll answer yours."

Katara's confusion is written all over her face, but she folds her hands in her lap and nods. "Thank you, miss. It means a lot 

"I have _no idea_ how you know, but yes, Zuko was gay," she says, "I am too, as was Ty Lee. There was another boy that Zuko was with at the time." There's something about her voice when she says it that sounds almost fond.

Sokka looks up, "Right, Jet." Mai is still looking at him strangely, but she doesn't say anything about it. 

"Yes... Jet. Since coming out would've been bad, for everyone involved, we all came up with a plan. I would 'date' Zuko, and Ty Lee would 'date' Jet. It worked well enough." Mai 

Sokka raises an eyebrow, "What'd he get sick with?"

"They never said. I don't know. Zuko was fine the last time I saw him, and then two days later, I get a phone call saying he's dead and an invitation to his funeral," her voices raises slightly, and her fists balled up at her sides. "I _don't know."_

"I'm sorry," Sokka says, "You deserve to know what happened to him." 

She's still suspicious. With her thoughts so visible on her face, Sokka can imagine her at sixteen. Standing in the rain, dressed in all black, watching her friend's casket being lowered into the ground. Mai stares up at him from her seat and nods once, slowly. She doesn't know why he cares, but she understands this. 

The bus ride home is quiet. Katara's head rests on his shoulder. She's half asleep but jerks back awake when Sokka's phone buzzes in his pocket.

"What the _hell_ did you say to Mai?" Toph asks loudly before Sokka even has the chance to get the phone to his ear. Katara's eyes widen. She'd already chewed him out for being too pushy, and this wasn't any better.

Sokka clears his throat, "Uh, I don't know. What does _she_ think I said?"

"She said Katara was a nice girl," Toph laughs a little, "and that you were the strangest kid she'd ever met." 

Sokka giggles nervously, batting at Katara's face to keep her from stealing the phone, "I may have asked her some strange things, yeah. She wasn't _too_ upset, right?" 

"She told me to give you her phone number, so surprisingly, no," Toph says, "and it's a good thing too. I would've beaten your ass if you made my only chess partner hate me." 

When Sokka eventually gives Katara the phone, she immediately launches into a vague enough story about how much of an idiot he was. After a few minutes of conversation that drifts into their English project, Sokka takes his phone back and hangs up. 

Sokka goes to tell Zuko the next morning. It's cold again, and Sokka can see his breath in front of him. He's so busy crunching the leaves that litter the sidewalk that he doesn't see the car parked in front of the house until he's too close. He quickens his pace, rushing to the door and knocking a little frantically. 

The door of the car opens, and the woman who steps out looks strangely familiar. She's got streaks of gray in her dark hair that he can see as she ducks down to grab her purse. 

The front door of the house creaks open, and before Sokka can turn to go inside, he hears the car door slam shut. Zuko is looking over Sokka's shoulder with growing concern.

"Fuck, dude, let me in," Sokka starts to say, but he's cut off by the sound of footsteps on the path behind him. 

Zuko blinks out of sight, _the bastard_ , and Sokka feels a hand on his shoulder. He turns around sheepishly. The woman looks at him over her glasses, with a less-than-pleased look on her face.

"What are you doing at my house, kid?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> really guys we're in it now 
> 
> tumblr: @theleftdualdaosword
> 
> yall i wanna talk about this au so much p l e a s e bother me on tumblr


	5. Soot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also yes idk if anyone noticed but i did add another chapter

"And who might you be?" Sokka says a little desperately. The woman in front of him is tall and pretty commanding, her face all angles. She's staring at him over the rims of her glasses, tapping her foot on the path. 

"I own this house, and you're standing in front of it with the door open," she replies, "I think you finding out  _ my  _ name is a bit less important than me knowing  _ yours _ ." 

It hadn't occurred to him that someone would own the house. It made sense, honestly. The house was in a pretty big neighborhood and was clearly taken care of. It's not like Zuko was taking care of it himself.

"I can't deny you have a point there," he says, doing his best to sound cheery, "My name is Sokka.  _ Please  _ don't call the police." 

There's something about her smirk that he recognizes, even if he can't quite place it. "I don't want to call the police, either, kid. I think you should probably explain to me why you're  _ not  _ breaking into my house." 

"Could I maybe get your name?" Sokka tries to change the subject. "Just for the sake of conversation?"

She raises an eyebrow, and again Sokka recognizes it from  _ somewhere. _ He has to know this lady because there's  _ no way _ he hasn't met her before. "I'm going to humor you, kid, only because I don't have anywhere else to be today. I'm Izumi Sozin." 

_Oh._ That makes sense. He can see it, now. She really looks just like Zuko. "Sozin, you say? What a coincidence!" It's only then that it occurs to him. 'I know the ghost of your relative' is not an acceptable response to  _ anything _ , so he says, "There's a kid with that name at my school," hoping that will suffice. It's not a lie. Sokka has his gym class with a few seniors, and one of them definitely has the last name.

"You and my son know each other?" Izumi raises her eyebrow, "I think Iroh would've mentioned a kid like you." Sokka can tell that she's not falling for his happy  _ I'm not a criminal  _ disposition, even if it's the truth.

Sokka shrugs, "I said he existed, not that I knew him." He's dodging the question, and she obviously knows it.

Zuko's probably inside somewhere, waiting for this lady to leave, and Sokka hates him a bit for it. There's not much a ghost could do in this situation, he reasons, but it's the thought that counts. 

"Kid. Why are you here? There's nothing to steal, I promise. No one's lived here for decades," Izumi sounds exasperated, but she hasn't pulled out her phone to call the cops yet, so Sokka thinks he's doing alright.

"No! I know there's nothing to steal," as soon as he says it, Sokka realizes that probably wasn't the  _ best  _ thing to tell her. He's standing in front of the  _ open and unlocked  _ door, as though he can open it with ease, telling her that he's well aware of the lack of valuables. "Wait, shit, that's not what I mean, you gotta listen to me-" 

"Are you new to the whole criminal thing? These seem like rookie mistakes to me," Izumi asks dryly.

Sokka has to tell her  _ something.  _ She's not buying any of it. He looks up to the sky briefly and prays to every God he's ever heard of, "This is going to sound  _ really  _ weird, and I know that, ok? But you have to hear me out." Sokka has no choice. He has to tell her the truth and  _ hope  _ that she's cool with it. 

Izumi pinches the bridge of her nose, "I can't believe I'm going to listen to you, but go ahead." 

"It's like you said, this house has been empty forever, and while I don't really know  _ why  _ what I do know is that it's haunted," Sokka says as quickly as he can, "there's a ghost, is what I'm getting at, and I'm kind of friends with him? I promise I didn't know you owned the place and that I wasn't breaking in."

There's a  _ very  _ long pause, but Izumi sighs, "Yeah, you were right. That sounded pretty damn weird. Listen, kid, I don't want to get you into trouble, you seem nice enough, so if you just go home, I'll tell your parents and leave the cops out of it." Her expression is different now, but he can't place why. 

"No, wait, shit! You have to believe me! You're the one who takes care of the house, right? You must've seen something!" He pleads. The door is still open behind him, and he's tempted to run inside for a brief moment. It's a shitty idea, but it's all Sokka's got. He's kind of trapped.

Izumi is squinting at him, thinking hard about  _ something _ . She crosses her arms and looks up at the sky. "Who's the ghost?" 

"No! Come on! Why don't you belie-" Sokka stops, confused, "Wait. You think I'm telling the truth?" 

"I never said that," she says, "But I'm hearing you out. So, if there  _ is _ a ghost, who is it?" 

Would she know Zuko's name if he said it? Izumi looks like she's in her 40s or 50s. She could've been Zuko's kid, he realizes, if the other boy had lived long enough. He can see it in her expressions, the way she raises one eyebrow and narrows her eyes. Sokka is too busy trying to decide if Izumi resembles Zuko or Azula more when he remembers she wants an answer. 

"I don't know if you'd know him, honestly," Sokka says slowly, and Izumi seems unimpressed, "You're related to whoever lived here last, right?"

" _ I  _ never lived here, if that's what you're asking. The owner was my great-uncle." Her voice sounds strained when she says it, as though the idea personally offends her. 

Sokka perks up, "You might know him, then!"

Izumi blinks a few times, apparently trying to process it. She sighs again, more exasperated than before, "Just take me inside, kid." 

Sokka nods nervously before heading inside. The foyer is empty, with no sign of Zuko. It's not like Zuko would leave him to get in trouble, right? The room is cold, colder than outside, and it's almost reassuring. 

Izumi gestures as if to say, ' _ Well? Where is it?'  _ and Sokka gives her a fake grin that probably isn't very believable.

He clears his throat, "Hey, uh, Zuko, buddy! Wanna come to say hi?  _ Please?" _

"Hold on,  _ Zuko?"  _ Izumi says at the same time that Zuko materializes next to Sokka. Zuko looks about as confused as Sokka feels.

"You know him?" Sokka replies, oblivious to her shock. 

Zuko sticks out his hand in a pretty bad attempt at a greeting, "Uh, hi? Do I know you?" 

Izumi's mouth is hanging open, and she screws her eyes shut for a moment. She shakes Zuko's hand slowly. "I've been taking care of this house for, what? A decade? And you've been here the whole time?" She's surprisingly not as hung up about the ghost thing as Sokka thought she would be.

"I guess. Who are you?" Zuko rubs the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Zuko, this is Izumi. Izumi, this is Zuko. But you already know him?" Sokka says when the silence stretches on for too long. Izumi is staring at Zuko like he's some sort of puzzle.

"I'm your cousin's daughter," she manages eventually, "Lu Ten."

Zuko's face scrunches up in distaste, "Of course he named  _ you  _ Izumi.  _ I  _ was going to use that name for  _ my  _ kid." Sokka has to stop himself from laughing. It's clear Zuko's trying to lighten the mood, but it does not work. Izumi's at a loss for words and just looks confused. 

"That was kind of the point..." Izumi says before shaking her head. She's suddenly much more herself, "You didn't answer my question. There's actually a ghost? I thought I was crazy."

"Huh?" Sokka turns to look at her, "You didn't believe me, like, two minutes ago!" 

Izumi scoffs, "Of course I didn't  _ tell  _ you that I thought there was a ghost. When I was younger, we came to clean out the house and stay for a night, and you," she points at Zuko, "were hanging around like you were Casper or something. My dad thought I lost it."

Zuko grins a little, "I don't really remember very far back, but yeah, that sounds like me." 

It's strange to watch them interact. Zuko and Izumi are clearly related and look similar enough to prove it. They're  _ family,  _ as weird as it is to picture. They would've gone to the same place for family holidays, and Zuko would have one of her drawings from when she was a kid pinned up in his house. Her baby photos would have a special place in his hallway, even if she found them embarrassing.  Instead, Izumi's a full-grown adult, who probably grew up hearing stories about her father's oldest cousin, Zuko, and wondering why she never got to meet him. Sokka's chest aches a bit, just imagining it

"What happened to you?" Izumi asks quietly, "My father said that you got sick, but I don't think anyone really believed it, not even him."

Sokka jumps and waves his hand at the base of his throat, cutting her off. Zuko looks uncomfortable, flickering a little bit in place. Izumi tilts her head to the side.

"I uh, don't know," Zuko gets out, though his voice is strained. "I can't remember." 

"Oh."

Sokka sees his opportunity, "That's kind of why I'm here, actually. We wanna figure it out. Do you think you have anything that might help?"

Izumi thinks for a moment and shrugs, "No, not really. I'm sorry I can't help more, but we never really talked about it." Something unplaceable flashes across Zuko's face, but he doesn't say anything. Sokka feels a little bad for him. "Actually, my grandfather had this box with stuff he saved after- well, you know. I don't think anyone except him ever opened it, but I'd gladly give it to you." That's something, at least. "Most of the stuff in it is yours, anyway. There might be some of your sister's things, too." 

"Azula? She's dead?" Zuko says, and a part of him sounds surprised, but his face just looks sad. "When they were looking for people that knew me, they couldn't find her obituary. I- I thought she was alive."

Izumi's eyes look just a little sad behind her glasses, "No, honey. She died a bit after you did. There was a fire, I think." Zuko stares down at the floor, brow furrowed. He keeps opening and closing his mouth like he's going to talk, but nothing ever comes out.

Zuko's not going to say anything else, Sokka realizes and steps a bit in front of him. "If you could bring the box, that'd be really great."

Izumi gets the idea and smiles a little weakly, "Of course. You're welcome to come here anytime, now that I know." She straightens her glasses and heads toward the door, "Oh! There's a spot at a graveyard nearby with- well, with Zuko, Azula, you know."

Sokka cringes at her phrasing while she recites the address. Izumi eventually gets into her car, leaving Sokka and Zuko alone. The other boy still hasn't said anything since Izumi told him about his sister.

"You've met her before?" Sokka asks, trying to change the subject.

Zuko sighs, "She comes every so often, but I never talked to her. I didn't know she was coming if that's what you're asking. It's hard to keep track of time when you've been dead for a while."

The ghost lies back in the air, his eyes a little red. "I just. I always thought Azula would have gotten out and lived her life like normal. What happened to her, you know?" Something in how Zuko says 'gotten out' sets off alarm bells in Sokka's head, but he pushes it to the back of his mind. They can unpack that  _ later _ .

"Yeah. Maybe Mai knows?" Sokka offers, and Zuko sits back up. He almost forgot that Zuko didn't know yet. Hadn't gotten a chance to tell him before Izumi arrived.

"Mai? So you did find her?" 

Sokka nods a little apologetically, "We went to visit her yesterday. I was going to tell you, but, uh, Izumi showed up. Did you know she and Ty Lee were married?" 

"How would I have known that? As far as I was concerned, they couldn't have even gotten married if they wanted to," Zuko deadpans, "I supposed I could've guessed, though."

"She doesn't know what happened to you. She said you 'got sick,' but I'm not so sure she thinks that's what  _ actually _ happened," Sokka says.

"I don't really buy it, either. You don't get a burn scar from being sick."

"We didn't tell her that you're-" Sokka pauses, alive certainly isn't the right word, "around? We can, if you want, though."

Zuko looks up at the ceiling, "Don't. Mai moved on a long time ago. It's not fair to her if I suddenly show up again." Sokka doesn't think that's true. It was still a touchy subject when he spoke to her, but he doesn't argue. Zuko's face is still kind of red, and his eyes are wet.

Sokka grabs Zuko's shirt sleeve and does his best to pull him back down nearer to the floor, and hugs him. It's a little strange. Zuko doesn't feel like much against him, and it is probably the coldest hug Sokka's ever had. Zuko's breathing hitches, and he figures it was a good idea. Sokka knows his face is red, but he's sure he looks like a tomato when he feels Zuko's hands land on Sokka's back. The hug is long enough to be a bit awkward, but he can't find it in himself to care.

"Thank you," Zuko murmurs before letting go. 

Sokka thinks about it the whole walk home. He's  _ fucked.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isnt a slow burn i promise.
> 
> tumblr: @theleftdualdaosword


	6. Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter Ran Away from me and ended up being like, 3k words? its all over the place but like, who cares. certainly not me.

"You're really going back to Zuko's again?" Katara says from behind Sokka, and he stops dead, his hand on the front doorknob. It's after school on Friday, and Sokka had _really_ been hoping he could avoid his sister.

"I went two whole days ago! If I recall correctly, you've hung out with Aang twice this week, too," Sokka turns to face her, scowling just a little. She'd been weird lately, for reasons that Sokka can't even begin to understand. 

Katara doesn't seem convinced. Her face is unreadable, but something in her eyes resembles concern. "Are you even going there for _important_ stuff, or are you just going because you can?"

What does it matter? Sokka is Zuko's _friend_ , not just his homicide detective. Katara looks at him expectantly, but Sokka's not really interested in answering. She's his _baby sister_ , and she doesn't need to know about every little thing he gets up to. He glares at her, deciding he just won't respond.

"Ugh! Fine," she throws her arms up, exasperated, "I don't even know why I try with you sometimes!" Sokka feels the anger build up in his throat but takes a deep breath before he can say anything he'll regret. Why does she care so much? It's not her business. Aside from interviewing Mai, which was a disaster, she hasn't done _anything_ to help. 

Katara storms off to her bedroom and Sokka takes his opportunity to leave before Dad comes to ask what's wrong. She's been acting weird all week. If she doesn't want to talk about it, then they won't talk about it. Simple as that. Zuko had noticed she was off, too, and Sokka didn't really know what to tell him.

Zuko was understanding, which only made Sokka more upset. Zuko _also_ didn't say anything when Sokka immediately changed the subject, like the perfect asshole he is.

Sokka snaps out of his thoughts when he realizes he arrived on Zuko's doorstep. He doesn't get the chance to knock because Zuko pulls the door open, smiling big. As soon as Sokka makes eye contact, his mouth goes dry, and he can't think of anything to say. 

A few seconds go by before Zuko raises his eyebrow and grins, "Hello to you, too."

Sokka lets out an awkward, definitely unnatural laugh, "Haha. Yeah, hi." Zuko is still giving him a weird face but doesn't say anything about it, _thank God._ "Katara can't come today. She's busy, I guess."

Zuko shrugs and closes the door behind Sokka, hovering a bit off the floor. "That's alright. I mostly just appreciate your company."

Not _the_ company. _Your_ company. _Sokka's_ company. He's been at Zuko's house for five minutes, and Sokka can already feel his heart beating a mile a minute. Zuko starts talking about something else, but Sokka can hardly hear him. It's honestly for the best Katara didn't come. She'd have to watch Sokka watch Zuko. 

Zuko is lying on his back in the air, staring absently up at the ceiling, asking some question that quite frankly Sokka didn't hear. If Zuko notices, he doesn't mention it. 

Sokka's phone buzzes in his pocket, pulling him from his thoughts. It's Suki, sending him some practically incomprehensible meme that's actually quite funny. 

"That's a telephone, right?" Zuko appears over his shoulder, squinting at Sokka's beat-up iPhone 7. 

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I guess you wouldn't really know," Sokka realizes. He pats the spot on the floor next to him, asking Zuko to sit. "You wanna see?" 

Zuko sits where Sokka indicated and immediately leans into Sokka's shoulder. He's trying to get a better look at the phone, Sokka knows, but it doesn't stop his face from turning red. His phone's home screen arrangement is impeccable, according to his standards anyway. The folders are all named random gibberish, but _he_ knows what goes in each one, and that's what counts. 

"There are no buttons?" Zuko asks.

Sokka holds the phone nearer to Zuko and swipes between pages, "Nah, you just touch it. The little squares all open different uh," Sokka's never had to explain how a smartphone works before, and it's honestly not that easy, "they open different stuff. Like games and videos." 

Zuko tries to tap the Snapchat icon experimentally, but instead of opening it as his phone should, the screen _freaks._ It opens and closes different apps, flipping through pages wildly. The keyboard pops up for a moment and types part of a text to Aang, reading "hjadfk" before finally calming back down. Zuko recoils his hand in shock and looks a little desperately at Sokka. 

"Did I break it?" He says, staring at the phone as if it could bite him. 

The phone seems alright, now, and Sokka shrugs, "I don't think so. Maybe it just doesn't work right cause of the whole," he wiggles his fingers, "you know. Ghost thing." 

Zuko gives his best ' _Are you serious?'_ look, and Sokka does a pretty shitty job of hiding his grin. "Whatever," he pouts just a bit, "you said a few weeks ago there's a camera, too?" 

"Yeah!" Sokka has to search for the right folder before opening the app. The camera is flipped the wrong way at first, and when he turns it around, Zuko isn't in the picture. Sokka can see the folds in his sleeve where Zuko is leaning into his shoulder, but it's like the other boy isn't there at all. 

"Oh," Sokka says dumbly, tapping the screen to try and refocus it.

Zuko shrugs, "I should've guessed. I don't show in mirrors, either." 

Hang on. "Wait, really?" Sokka cranes his neck a bit to look at Zuko, who is still leaning (unnecessarily, might he add) onto Sokka. Zuko gives another noncommital shrug. "Has that always been a thing?" 

"Well, since I died, yeah," Zuko's voice sounds strained, "It doesn't really bother me anymore." 

He's lying, and Sokka knows him well enough to tell. The yearbook is sitting on the floor in his room, but it doesn't really matter. That's not what Zuko looks like now. Sokka tries anyway, "You've seen pictures, though, right?"

Zuko stares straight ahead, kind of blank-faced, "Just the ones from the yearbook. That's why I didn't know about the scar. I don't even know how different I look." 

Sokka wouldn't be able to imagine him without the scar, if not for the yearbook pictures. "I could tell you, if you want," Sokka says before he gets an idea. He tugs his bag over closer to him and digs for a notebook, "Or, even better. I could draw you! I'm not much of an artist, but it's better than nothing." If Katara were here, she'd tell him that 'not much of an artist' is an understatement, but she's not, so Sokka ignores the voice that sounds suspiciously like her in the back of his mind.

Zuko seems skeptical, though, and Sokka gives him an encouraging smile. Eventually, Zuko smiles back, "Alright, sure. But if it comes out looking like shit, I blame you." 

"I couldn't make it look like shit if I wanted to. You're too good-looking for that," Sokka says before he can stop himself. His hand flies up to his mouth a split-second too late. Zuko freezes in his spot, flickering once or twice. Zuko coughs a little awkwardly but doesn't acknowledge that Sokka had spoken, _thank God._

"Anyway!" Sokka says a little too loudly after a few seconds of silence, "Your yearbook photo isn't that far off, anyway." He draws out something approximating Zuko's face shape, and _oh, yeah. Drawing skills have not improved at all._

Zuko seems to think so, too. He hides his mouth behind his hand and closes his eyes as though he's stifling laughter, but Sokka decides he won't say anything. "I'll take your word for it." 

The silence this time is less awkward, filled only by the scratching of Sokka's pencil as he gives paper-Zuko his hair. He makes it spikier than necessary, mostly just for fun. Artistic liberties.

"The scar is on my left side, right?" Zuko asks, holding a hand up to his face.

"Uh, yeah. It's like, mostly around your eye?" Sokka tries to gesture, but it's clear Zuko's having a hard time understanding. Sokka moves to sit in front of the other boy. Slowly, he raises his hand up near Zuko's face. Zuko doesn't move, so Sokka starts tracing along the edges of the scar, "It stops right here, and then goes back around. You kind of only have one eyebrow." 

"Oh," Zuko says in a weird tone that Sokka can't even begin to decipher.

Sokka moves his hand over to Zuko's ear, pushing some of his hair back in the process, "It comes back to your ear, too." 

Zuko's face is bright red, which is even more clear against his generally pretty pale skin. Sokka can't really blame him, though. He's sure he looks similar. 

Zuko is staring straight down at the floor, avoiding eye contact. Sokka forgets to move his hand back until Zuko says, "Apparently, I looked just like my mom, but I don't know about anymore. It's been a while since I've seen her." 

Sokka shrugs, "Being dead will do that, yeah." 

The corner of Zuko's mouth twitches up in amusement, but it doesn't last very long, "I mean, I hadn't seen her for a while _before_ I died, either. But I suppose you have a point." 

Oh. Did Zuko's mom die, too? Was that another thing on their long list of similarities? He's looking at Zuko right now, and he's seen pictures of Azula. If they look like their mother, she must have been gorgeous. He can almost picture her, too, all movie-star cheekbones and dark hair.

"Why didn't you see her?" Sokka asks without really thinking about it.

Zuko sighs, "She just disappeared. I think I was eleven? My father never really told us what happened. He knew, though."

That's. That's really fucked up. Zuko's family was really fucked up. Sokka decides then and there, he doesn't like Zuko's dad, no matter what anything else might say about the man. 

"My mom died when I was eleven. It's not really the same, but I kind of get how you feel."

Zuko turns to look at him with a sympathetic expression. "I don't know if she's dead or not. Well, she probably is, now, but when I was a kid, I had no idea." At least Sokka had the comfort of knowing. He knew where and when, but most of all, Sokka knew that his mother never would've left him on purpose. Zuko didn't get to know. 

"That's kind of fucked up, dude," Sokka says, sucking air in through his teeth. He's sure Zuko knows, but. It helps to say it out loud.

"I've had a lot of time to get over it," Zuko shrugs. Something in his eyes gives Sokka the impression that he's very much _not over it_ , but he drops the subject anyway. "What about your mom?" 

They're doing this now, Sokka guesses. That's fine. It's _fine._ He's quiet for a few seconds. "They were at a family friend's house, her and Katara. Something was broken in the oven, and the whole place went up. I guess my mom was in there longer or something 'cause she didn't wake up at the hospital."

When Sokka looks at Zuko again, the other boy has gone sort of transparent. It's happened once or twice before, but it's still kind of weird to see.

Zuko scoots a little closer to Sokka and drops his head on Sokka's shoulder, "I'm sorry. That's awful." 

The weight on his shoulder is comforting, even if it hardly feels like anything, and Sokka hears himself talking again, "It's kind of why I didn't want to move here, too. I didn't- I _don't_ want to leave them behind." 

"Them?" 

Oh. Sokka didn't realize he said anything strange. He knew what he meant, though. Who else could it be? "I had a friend in the South. We knew each other since we were kids, actually. She uh, got sick a while ago, and she-" Sokka chokes a little, his throat suddenly tight, "she _fought,_ you know? But it got her, eventually."

There's an almost too long silence before Zuko says, "That's rough, buddy."

Sokka can't stop himself from laughing out of pure shock. Zuko seems even more confused at that, which, fair enough. Who the hell says something like that? Even Sokka knows better. 

Zuko's eyes widen, as though he realized what he just said, "Wait, shit. Sorry. That's. That's really not what I meant to say, oh my _God."_

Sokka catches his breath eventually, and even Zuko stops the awkward half-laugh he'd been doing just to relieve the tension. "That was- alright. You get a pass, being dead yourself. But it's cool, really. I don't really talk about her very often."

He hadn't, now that he thought about it. Katara knew Yue, sure, but she was _Sokka's_ friend. And his first girlfriend. It was hard to watch her get worse bit by bit. Every time he saw her, she looked just a little paler, a little thinner, and her eyes were duller.

Yue was always beautiful. That never changed.

"It's a pretty name."

"I mean, she was pretty, so it makes sense," Sokka says, "but she was smart, too. Absolutely hilarious, even if she didn't make jokes around very many people." Zuko doesn't say anything, letting Sokka ramble on about Yue. He honestly forgets he's even talking after a while. "They sent her up North to see if they could do anything for her, but when it didn't work, they just kind of... sent her back home. I think she knew she wasn't going to make it from the beginning."

As soon as they found out that it was serious, Yue started acting differently. She bleached her hair, stayed up later, went out with Sokka more. Nothing reckless. Just different. She made the most of it.

"I think you would've liked her," Sokka says, and Zuko nods. The sun has sunk lower in the sky, and it's getting dark out. "I gotta go home, but Izumi should have that box for us soon, so I'll see you later." 

Zuko seems tired and doesn't say much more than goodbye when Sokka leaves, which, fair enough. It wasn't a lot of fun topics of conversation. But, Zuko _does_ wave and smile in a way that makes Sokka's heart melt as he walks out the door. 

The moment is ruined, however, because Izumi is standing in front of her parked car outside the house. She lifts her head up when she sees him and holds a lockbox up in the air. 

"Hey! I brought the box," Izumi hands it to Sokka as soon as he gets close enough and digs through her pocket. "Sorry it took so long. I have a job and responsibilities." 

Sokka shrugs, "Don't worry about it. Thanks for bringing it." Izumi drops a key into Sokka's hand and smiles. She glances up at the house. "You going to go say hi?" 

Izumi blanks, immediately looking at the ground. She fiddles with her car keys and sighs. "I don't know. What do I say to him? We never really... talked about it, especially not after my father died." 

Sokka's never going to understand that, he realizes. Just. _Not_ talking about it. But Izumi never even got the chance to meet Zuko. Maybe it's different. "I mean, I don't think there is anything you _have_ to say to him." 

"He doesn't _know_ me, kid. I'm a grown woman, and he's still, what, sixteen? He's younger than my own damn kid." 

Sokka hadn't really thought about it like that. He goes to say something, anything, but Izumi isn't done.

"Iroh looked a lot like Zuko, you know? When he was around that age." She glances over at Sokka, "He doesn't know me."

"He misses his family. You're family. That's gotta count for something," Sokka shrugs for what feels like the eighth time that day. Izumi stares up at the house, deep in thought. Zuko can definitely see her right now, even if he's invisible or something but, Sokka's not going to tell her that. 

Sokka says goodbye before he heads down his street back to his house. The box is cold in his hands, and he can feel whatever is inside rattle around and hit the sides. Katara is locked up in her room, which means two things. She's still mad about the fight from earlier, but she doesn't want to talk about it. Sokka can work with that. He has other things to do, too. 

He closes the door to his bedroom, careful not to slam it before digging the key from his pocket and unlocking the box. It clicks ominously and opens with some effort. If the box itself is old, the things inside look older.

The papers are all slightly yellowed, and most of the pencil marks have smudged. There are coloring pages, ripped from their books, all completed with varying skill. Some are entirely scribbles, while others are done with more precision. All of them are labeled on the back, _Zuko & Azula, _followed by a year. 

There's a photo of Zuko, Azula, and who Sokka can only assume are their parents. Zuko was right. He looks just like his mother. Sokka was _also_ right, she's pretty, _way_ too pretty for the angry-looking man standing next to her. Zuko's maybe ten in the photo and Azula is probably eight. _Just before their mother left,_ Sokka remembers. 

The biggest thing in the box is a journal, worn and a bit bent. The pages are filled up until the halfway mark. Sokka opens to the first page, and at the very top in neat-ish handwriting is:

_Sept 25th, 1955_

_I started junior year a few weeks ago, but Uncle only gave me this book recently. Things have been mostly uneventful, except for today. There's-_

Katara pushes Sokka's door open with so much force he thinks it'll fall off its hinges. She pauses and looks down at the mess of papers and photos that now litter Sokka's floor, and picks one up.

It's a small piece of paper that Sokka hadn't picked up before. The edges are dark like they'd been burned. 

"What is all this?" Katara asks, voice a little strained. She doesn't look angry, but something is wrong. 

"Izumi brought it. It's just a box full of stuff from Zuko," Sokka says, suddenly feeling defensive. "I haven't even been able to look through most of it." 

Katara looks at Sokka, and her face is almost sad, "Izumi is Zuko's niece or whatever? Why didn't you tell me you had this?" 

It feels like he's nine again, and Katara is mad Sokka wouldn't give her a turn on their beat-up Wii. She's being a baby, for some reason, and he can feel the anger from earlier that day in his throat, "I mean, I just got it. Sorry if I wanted a look at it first." 

"Did you tell Zuko?" 

Sokka feels his eyes widen. He didn't tell Zuko. It made more sense, really, if Sokka looks at it first. In case any of it freaks out Zuko. Sokka knows him well enough to tell. "Not yet."

"Not _yet_?" Katara seems uncomfortable, flipping the note in her hand over. Sokka doesn't recognize the handwriting. "It's his stuff, Sokka. You need to tell him."

"I'm going to," Sokka says slowly, "I don't see why it's your business, anyway." 

Katara balls her fists up at her side, crumpling the note in her hand. She turns a little red, and the rims of her eyes look wet. She throws the paper to the floor, "It _is_ my business because we were doing this _together!_ But now it's all about Zuko and how you're best friends with _Zuko_ and how you get to do everything _first!"_

She slams the door shut behind her. Sokka sits on the floor, surrounded by coloring pages and photos from someone else's childhood. The journal is like a weight in his hand. Sokka shakes his head, clearing his thoughts. If Katara is going to act like a baby, it's not his problem. 

Sokka picks the paper she threw up off the floor. The edges are definitely charred, now that he gets a closer look, and the handwriting is messy and rushed. It isn't signed. 

_I'm sorry, Uncle. I made a promise to my mother, and I broke it. Don't worry. He'll never get near anyone again._

Something about it feels just. _Wrong._

He thumbs through the journal instead, turning pages so fast he can hardly read them. It's definitely Zuko's, Sokka can tell from the way he talks. He sees flashes of words and dates and names. Mai, Ty Lee, Azula, Father, Uncle, and _Jet._

He remembers the first time Zuko ever told him about Jet and the strange feeling that bubbled up in his chest. Sokka tucks everything back into the lockbox except for the journal. Zuko won't mind. 

Sokka just _really_ needs to know what's in it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive been thinkin about next chapter for actual weeks so like. that's cool.
> 
> tumblr: @theleftdualdaosword


	7. Kindling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter isnt very long but still one of my favorites so far
> 
> jetko nation come get y'all crumbs
> 
> tw: referenced child abuse

_Sept 25th, 1955_

_I started junior year a few weeks ago, but Uncle only gave me this book recently. Things have been mostly uneventful, except for today. There's a boy in my grade. I hadn't really noticed him much before, but he plays for the football team. We chatted at the homecoming game, and he's really nice. I kind of like him, and Mai thinks I should go for it, but she doesn't really get it. She's had Ty Lee for years. It's not that simple._

_Azula is a freshman this year, and even though we go to the same school now, she's still not talking to me much. She can be like that if she wants. I haven't done a thing to her._

"What are you reading?" Suki asks casually. It's Sokka's first period, and the teacher must have given them an assignment because there's a worksheet on his desk, and Suki is looking at him expectantly.

Sokka slams the journal shut. "It's uh-" Suki doesn't even know that they found Zuko, let alone that he has a weird diary. "Some book I found in the attic. Not really sure what it is." 

Suki's eyes narrow just slightly. Sokka's pretty sure she's gonna demand to see it when she shrugs and turns back to her paper. "Oh, weird. Do you have any idea what the answer to number four is?" 

Sokka glances down at the sheet in front of him. Something about economics. "I think it's B?" 

He gets through a few more entries in between classwork, but then the period ends. Thankfully, they're watching some random video from the 90s in chemistry, so Sokka cracks the journal open again and picks up where he left off. 

_Oct 28th, 1955_

_Jet asked me to go to his Halloween party. Ty Lee says it's because he likes me, but I'm not so sure. He's on the football team- I doubt he wants to hang out with me. I told Azula I'll be out on Halloween, and she demanded to come to the party, too. I might not be_ super _popular, but I know better than to bring my little sister to parties. She's not coming._

_Father didn't respond when I told him I had plans. It's better than him getting angry._

_Nov 11th, 1955_

_It's been a couple of weeks. I had a lot of things to get done. The Halloween party was fun enough, even if it was a while ago. Jet actually hung out with me for most of it. Even more surprising is that Jet is like_ me. _It was just the two of us for a moment, and Jet told me that he likes boys_ and _girls. Just like Ty Lee. I told him about me, too. Mai is certain, now, that Jet is interested in me. I honestly think she's right. I'm kind of scared that I'm excited._

_Uncle sent me a letter recently. It was short enough, but he asked for some pictures of Azula and me. We haven't gotten any taken in years. I managed to find some school ones my father never put up to send him._

Sokka has to put the journal away at lunch. He can feel Katara's glare on the side of his head like a burn. Suki glances over and mouths, _"You two ok?"_ and turns back to her food when Sokka gives her a quick nod. 

The conversation bounces around topics so fast it almost hard for Sokka to keep track until Toph brings up Halloween. It's only a few days until the holiday, which, time flies _fast_ when you're trying to solve a murder. 

"You guys gonna dress up?" she asks, leaning back in her seat with her hands behind her head.

Aang shrugs, "Not really sure. I wanna go trick or treating, but I think I'm too old." 

"No _way_ you're too old," Suki laughs, "You're a freshman. _I'm_ going to go, and I'm a junior. You'll be fine. I'm just going to reuse my ghostbuster costume from last year." 

Toph gets an idea and slams her hands down on the table, "And I'll be your ghost! I'm sure my mom has a bedsheet she isn't using. It's the perfect costume. Don't even need to cut out eyeholes!" 

"Then you're just walking around with a sheet on your head," Katara points out, "You probably want the holes anyway." 

Toph sticks her tongue out at Katara, "Well, maybe I'll just dress as a bedsheet, then, sweetness." 

Aang perks up, "Oh! Speaking of ghosts, whatever happened with that guy you were looking for?"

Sokka feels his stomach drop. They never said anything about ghosts, _ever._ How does Aang know? He twists to look at Katara, who has a panicked expression on her face, probably matching Sokka's. She wouldn't have told anyone, right? Even if she was mad at him?

Even Suki seems a little confused, so Aang says, "I mean, I only say ghost 'cause he was _maybe_ alive in the fifties." Sokka sighs in relief quietly enough nobody else notices.

"Like I said, contact high," Toph adds, crossing her arms, "definitely made him up." 

Katara rolls her eyes but doesn't say anything else. Sokka laughs, a little forced, and says, "We didn't make him up, but we didn't really find anything else. I have more important stuff to do, anyway." Sokka's lying skills leave something to be desired, but it's not like Katara is jumping at the opportunity either.

Toph seems suspicious and pets Badgermole under the table. Before she can say anything else, Aang shrugs and keeps talking. Katara gives him the first non-pissed off look all day, and Sokka nods. They'll tell the others. _Soon._ Toph would probably like Zuko, anyway. 

Sokka opens the journal again in his next class. He'll miss the notes for that day, but he doesn't mind. This is more important.

_Nov 21st, 1955_

_Jet asked me to go steady. I was nervous at first. If anyone found out, it'd be over. Jet would get kicked off the football team, and I have no_ idea _what my father would do to me. Mai came up with a good plan, though. She's 'my' girlfriend, and Jet is 'dating' Ty Lee. No one will know any better._

_I hadn't kissed a boy before. Maybe it's just that Jet's good at it, but I think it's one of my new favorite hobbies._

_Dec 11th, 1955_

_Father hit me again, for the first time in a long time. I was out last night with Jet, Mai, and Ty Lee. It's a bit cold out for a drive-in movie, but we went anyway. I suppose I came home a little late because my father sent Azula to bring me to his office, even though he knows I hate it. He said I was being disrespectful, and I tried to tell him that the movie started late, and I didn't do it on purpose. I don't think it'll leave a mark, but Jet won't be pleased when he finds out._

_I almost brought his jacket home. That would've_ really _gotten my father mad._

Sokka skips forward a few more entries. Sokka knows he shouldn't be reading it. He _knows that._ Even if he told Katara it would be fine, he _knows it just isn't._ He's reading Zuko's fucking diary, for one, and for two, if Zuko wanted him to know all of this, he would have told Sokka himself. 

But every time Zuko mentions Jet, Sokka can feel his heart skip a beat, just a little. It's pointless to be jealous, and Sokka's not stupid enough to think otherwise. Jet is either dead or seventy. Even if Sokka knows that it's useless, that doesn't stop him from feeling that way _anyway_.

He looks for an entry that doesn't mention Jet.

_Jan 23rd, 1956_

_Mai and I went out on a 'date,' or close enough. Really we just got milkshakes and talked outside while she smoked. She got me to try a cigarette once we started high school, but I didn't like it very much._

_She thanked me for being her 'boyfriend.' There were always rumors about her and Ty Lee. They've stopped now that they have boyfriends, I suppose. I'm just glad it's her I have to pretend with._

_She and I will probably get married if we have to. It wouldn't be so bad._

_Feb 14th, 1956_

_Jet got me flowers-_

Sokka groans and shuts the journal. The kid in the seat next to him gives him a strange look and almost goes to say something before Sokka shoots them a glare. 

_Feb 14th, 1956_

_Jet got me flowers, firelilies, which are my favorite. I suspect he asked Mai about it, which sort of makes it better. He and I spent some time in his car at lunch, too. It was perfect for my first Valentine's Day with an actual valentine. I couldn't take them home, though. Boys are supposed to get flowers for their girls. If I had brought home flowers, I'd get in trouble. Azula would've probably told if I snuck them in, too._

_I know she just doesn't want to get in trouble, either. But it's not my fault father punishes us both at once. I'm sixteen years old. I can't live the rest of my life scared of my father._

_March 30th, 1956_

_Azula never talks to me anymore, and when she does, it's just to tell me I've done something stupid. She thinks she has to keep me from disobeying our father. It was nice when we were younger, but I don't_ care _anymore. Ever since Mother left, he's been worse and worse. It might be selfish, but I'm going off to college soon anyway. Maybe I'll move back to Caldera, or go with Jet to Ba Sing Se._

_Or I might not. Jet and I got into a fight. Prom is coming up, and we can't agree on something to do. Jet wants us to go with Mai and Ty Lee and just switch around when no one is paying attention. I think we should skip altogether and stay at Jet's for the night. His mother is never home, anyway. If we decide we want to go, there's always next year._

Sokka sucks a breath in through his teeth. The dates of the entries had changed to 1956. There wouldn't be a next year. Zuko wouldn't have another shot at prom, and he wouldn't go to college. Sokka wonders if Jet went to Ba Sing Se; if he ever thought of Zuko. 

_April 5th, 1956_

_We ended up skipping prom and hung out just the four of us. We watched whatever was on TV. We got to sit with who we liked, and we didn't have to hide_ . _Jet and I apologized to each other later._

_Father wasn't happy to hear I spent prom at Mai's house, but he didn't hit me. I think Azula lost a tennis match that week. He was more upset about that._

Sokka skips to the last entry.

_April 26th, 1956_

_Jet and I went out for lunch today but decided not to go to our next classes. Usually, kids go out behind the school to smoke, which Jet did, but it was just us. He lent me his jacket again today. I'd wear it to school like all the cheerleaders if I could, but as far as everyone can tell, it's Ty Lee's to borrow. She doesn't like wearing it._

_Jet says he's scared someone saw us necking back there, but I didn't see anyone. I think he's just paranoid. Azula wouldn't look at me on the bus ride home, and she probably knows I skipped class. She'll tell father to try and save herself from getting into trouble._

The school bus screeches to a halt at Sokka's stop as soon as he finishes reading. He stuffs the journal into his backpack. Something doesn't feel right, but Sokka can't put his finger on what. Nothing in the last entry was worse than the rest of it, just more about Jet and his sister. 

Katara brushes past him once they get into the house, heading straight for her room. She's been mad for three days now. They've never gone this long without _really_ talking to each other. It's weird. He feels strangely like Zuko, with a little sister who wants nothing to do with him. 

Sokka puts the journal in the drawer of his desk. He'll tell Zuko later. He has to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come yell at me on tumblr @theleftdualdaosword


	8. Blaze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so remember when I said chapter six got really long? yeah. well. so did this one.

**_ melonlord _ **

_ i fucking knew you two were into some spooky shit. i'm in. _

**_ kyoshi-stan _ **

_ Yeah, sure. I'll come hang out in a graveyard. Why the hell not. _

**_ airhead101 _ **

_ Great! I'm coming too. _

Sokka sighs in relief. He knew Aang would want to come, the kid would do anything to hang out with Katara, but he had been worried about Toph and Suki. Katara wasn't over whatever had gotten her upset, but she was mostly ok again. Ok enough to agree when Sokka said they should introduce the others to Zuko. 

**_ captain_boomerang _ **

_ ok perfect. see you guys tomorrow _

"Ok, they all said they'd come," Sokka turns to Zuko, who's sitting in the air on Sokka's left. Katara came with him for the first time in a couple of weeks. It's pretty awkward. 

"Are we going to tell Mai, too?" Katara asks, stuffing her phone back in her pocket. "I think she should know. We're kind of at a dead-end. She might be able to help." 

Zuko's staring off into space, thinking hard, when he says, "I don't want to, but the lockbox didn't have really have anything in it, and I have no idea who that note is from."

Sokka thinks of Zuko's journal, shoved at the very back of his desk drawer. Zuko still has no idea he has it, let alone  _ read _ it. He can feel Katara's eyes boring into the back of his head. Sokka had shown Zuko everything else in the box, to make himself feel better, and none of it was any help. The half-burned note was as confusing to Zuko as it was to them, and he said the handwriting wasn't anything he recognized. 

"I think she'd wanna see you, Zuko." Katara has a soft expression, one Sokka had seen her use when comforting the younger kids in their neighborhood before they moved.

"Yeah?" 

Sokka nods, "Yeah, dude. I can get Toph to ask her since I don't think she'd go anywhere I tell her to."

Zuko snorts, smiling just a little bit. "You're right. She probably wouldn't." They go home soon after that, Sokka pausing in the doorway for a split second longer than Katara. She doesn't respond when he asks her anything beyond 'how was your day?' so he steps on the dead leaves to fill the silence.

Sokka calls Toph that night. "Can you invite Mai to the graveyard tomorrow?"

He can almost hear her confused expression, "I'm not going to help you mug an old woman, Sokka, if that's what your plan is."

"What? No," Sokka sputters, "Why would you even- whatever. You know how Katara and I can't tell you why we're going until we get there? That applies to her, too. Just. Mention it's me who's asking?" 

"Call her yourself, snoozles."

"You know she won't come if I do," Sokka whines.

Toph sighs, "Fine. But you owe me. Again." 

Sokka had been worried about the logistics of getting a ghost onto a public bus, but, evidently, it wasn't a problem. Katara had just dropped a couple extra coins in with her and Sokka's, and no one asked any questions, even when Zuko went transparent in front of everyone. It's only then that Zuko whispers to Sokka that if he gets too far away from the house, he'll just  _ poof  _ and appear back in the foyer.

Of course, he doesn't think to mention it until they are actively leaving.  _ Of course.  _

"Are you able to even go out to the cemetery?" Sokka asks as the three of them take their seats.

Zuko shrugs, "I haven't been very far from the house for a while, but I think the cemetery is near enough. But if we have to go somewhere else, I can't make any promises."

As soon as they step off the bus, Katara sucks in air through her teeth and frowns. "We need to hide Zuko."

"Why?" Sokka says, just a little defensively. It's too damn cold out for them to just stand around outside and waste time.

Katara looks at him and Zuko like they're stupid, "Everyone thinks we gave up trying to figure Zuko out! They'll all have a heart attack if he's just  _ standing  _ next to us."

Sokka grimaces. She's kind of right. Not to mention that Mai is old enough to  _ actually  _ be at risk for a heart attack. He turns to Zuko, "Can you turn invisible or something?"

"It's a little more complicated than that, but even if that's how it worked, not right now." Zuko flickers in and out as if to prove a point. "It's kind of hard to control all the way out here." 

Katara rolls her eyes. Without thinking, Sokka pulls off his hoodie and throws it at Zuko. "Wear that and put the hood up or something." And holy  _ shit, _ is it cold outside. Katara is giving him a weird look, but the  _ why _ doesn't click until Sokka turns back to Zuko. Zuko, who is wearing his hoodie. Sokka's hoodie. That Zuko is wearing.  _ Oh.  _

It shouldn't be a big deal. It is out of necessity, of course. They're just homies, helping each other out. Katara groans and rubs one hand down the side of her face. Sokka glances at Zuko, who is looking the opposite direction, face bright red.  _ Cool. Cool cool cool.  _

"You're useless, both of you. That will have to do. Come on, we have to beat everyone over there." Katara turns on her heels and walks ahead of them on the sidewalk. The cemetery entrance is only a few blocks away, and nobody says a word on the walk. Zuko is staring steadily down at his feet.

Sokka shivers in his t-shirt. His fingers have gone numb in minutes, and if he had the energy, he'd demand his hoodie back. But it kind of looks nice on Zuko, now that he thinks about it. And Katara is right. Explaining to Mai first makes more sense and will probably go over better.  _ Probably. _

Zuko still hasn't said anything by the time they make it to the entrance. The tall metal gate would probably be scarier if it weren't 11am, but Sokka can appreciate the aesthetic. Katara pushes it open and pulls her phone out of her pocket. Izumi had told them where the graves were. Against the very back wall, next to the tree. Zuko stops behind Sokka and grabs his wrist.

Sokka panics for a split second because he  _ was not prepared for that  _ before he sees Zuko, staring, again, dead at the ground. "You alright?" Sokka asks, and he hears Katara's footsteps pause as well. 

"Can we wait here? Please? I don't really want to see it yet." Zuko has a weird look on his face. Katara is next to Sokka now, with a soft smile.

She nods, "Yeah, no problem."

Sokka's about to ask why when Katara elbows him in the ribs. She's still smiling, but her eyes say ' _ shut the fuck up.'  _ She jerks her head toward Zuko, who seems to be pretty zoned out. 

Oh. 

It would be kind of weird to see your own grave, Sokka realizes. He doesn't get to keep thinking about it, though, because he can hear Toph's voice around the corner.

She's with Suki and Aang, and all three of them are shivering and grumbling about the cold. 

"Hey guys," Katara says, and it might be because he knows her so well, but Sokka can hear the strain in her voice. No one else seems to notice.

Aang waves while Suki asks, "Who's that?" Zuko had heard them coming too, it seems, because he pulled his hood up over his head and stood just barely behind Katara. Just enough to make him hard to see. 

Zuko freezes, and Sokka takes a deep breath, "That's actually why we invited you here."

"A graveyard, though?" Aang squirms a little in place. It's the middle of the day, but that's apparently not enough to make it not creepy.

Katara gives him an apologetic look, "Two birds with one stone. The cemetery doesn't have much to do with him." Sokka almost goes to say something along the lines of  _ 'Well, I don't know about that _ ,' but Katara elbows him  _ (again) _ before he can get the words out. 

Zuko exhales a laugh, and Sokka resists the urge to turn around and elbow him too. It wouldn't do much, but it'd make Sokka feel better.

"So, who is he? Sokka's boyfriend or something?" Toph says with a smug grin. Sokka and Zuko both choke at the same time, and Toph gets a high five from Suki while Aang and Katara laugh. 

Sokka buries his face in his hands and groans, " _ No.  _ No. That's not-"

"It's really not," Katara says when she finally stops laughing, "but anyway, you guys remember that guy we were looking for a few weeks ago?"

"The one you bothered Mai about. How could I forget?" Toph deadpans, and again Aang starts giggling.

"That's the one," Sokka says into his hands. Zuko leans into his side. It's meant to be comforting, Sokka knows, but it's definitely not helping them convince the others that they aren't  _ together.  _

Katara smiles a little sheepishly, "We lied. We didn't actually stop looking. We kind of found him?"

Aang and Suki both stare while Katara continues to stammer. Toph is looking dead over Sokka's shoulder at Zuko, whether she means to or not, and it's honestly kind of scary.

Katara's still sputtering, and Sokka's losing his patience, so he says, "He's a ghost. And also right here." 

Aang turns white, but Suki and Toph don't seem that impressed. 

"A ghost? You're telling me Aang was right?" Suki says, and even though she's joking, Sokka can hear the edge in her voice. Cool. His best friend thinks he's crazy.

Zuko stays silent. Which is not only the most unhelpful thing he could be doing but, also,  _ fucking rude. _ Sokka turns his head just enough to catch Zuko's eye and  _ glares. _

Toph clears her throat expectantly, and Zuko turns red. "Are you sure about this?"

Sokka raises one eyebrow, "It's a little too late for that."

Toph almost says something else, likely nothing good, when Zuko gives a  _ very  _ teenage groan and finally pushes in front of Sokka. It's almost endearing.

"They're not lying." Zuko stuffs his hands deep in the hoodie pockets and pushes up off the ground with one foot. 

Suki's expression changes to something uncomfortable before it shifts back to indifferent. Aang winces with his whole body, and Zuko stiffens. Aang had seen the scar, and even if he didn't say anything, he didn't really need to. The way he nearly reached up to his own face before catching himself said enough. 

"Guess not," Suki says as nonchalantly as possible. She doesn't seem scared, necessarily, and Sokka almost sighs in relief.

Aang is grinning now, evidently over his initial shock, "I'm Aang! Nice to meet you!"

"Uh. Zuko," Zuko says, and Sokka forgot how awkward Zuko was, somehow. Zuko nods in Aang's general direction, which seems to satisfy the other kid. Suki waves.

Toph clears her throat  _ again,  _ "I'm not sure any of you remember, but I can't fucking see. What'd he do that's so ghost-y?"

"You're blind?" Zuko asks, just a bit too fast. 

"Obviously. I thought the dog would make it kind of a given." Toph points down at Badgermole, who is being a  _ very  _ good boy at Toph's feet.

"It's not like anyone told me!" Zuko bristles, pulling his hands out of his pockets to cross his arms. 

Toph cracks a grin, "I like this one. Ghost or not. Speaking of, Sparky, you're going to have to do a bit more than float around to prove it to me."

"Sparky?" Sokka and Zuko say at the same time.

"Sparky. He's all prickly. I get why you and Mai were friends." Toph crosses her arms. Zuko rolls his eyes but obliges, putting a hand on her shoulder. It turns transparent and phases  _ into  _ her shoulder. 

"That good enough?" 

"Fucking cold, aren't you?" Toph jumps back a few inches but nods. "But yes. We got ourselves a ghost." 

Aang looks hurt, "Did you not believe Suki and me?" 

"No." 

Suki and Katara laugh so hard they almost fall over, and Toph pats Aang on the back a little harder than necessary. Zuko looks back at Sokka, confused.

Sokka shrugs, "They're kind of just like that."

Zuko wrinkles his nose, "Your friends are weird." It's kind of adorable.

Sokka has to stop himself from making a stupid comment, like  _ "Your friends are all old"  _ or  _ "At least they're alive"  _ or  _ "Why are you so cute all the damn time?" _ but he manages. 

Sokka lets everyone talk over him. Suki and Katara are catching up while Toph messes with Zuko, who clearly doesn't know what to think of her. It's kind of nice. Zuko fits in easily, it's almost like he was there from the beginning. 

Sokka's thinking so hard about Zuko wearing his hoodie that he doesn't notice the woman coming up behind Toph. In his defense, no one else noticed, either. Not really his fault, alright?

"Toph." It's Mai, which,  _ shit.  _ "These are your friends?" 

Sokka tugs on Zuko's sleeve and brings him closer to the ground before tugging the hood up over his face. Mai glances over at them and narrows her eyes just slightly before looking down at Toph in front of her. 

"That's Suki and Aang," Toph points in their general direction. "The dog's Badgermole, 'cause I don't think I ever brought him to the senior center."

"Badgermole?" Mai asks, raising an eyebrow.

Toph shrugs, "Why not? It's a good name. Your cat is named  _ Knives,  _ so." Mai shrugs at that and accepts Aang's overly-eager handshake. "You remember Sokka and Katara, I'm sure."

Mai nods at Katara and looks over to Sokka. Zuko must be able to see her, too, because he freezes. "I couldn't have forgotten if I wanted to. Who's that behind you?"

Sokka takes a deep breath. It's his cue. "That's why I wanted you to come, actually. We have someone you might want to meet."

It's cheesy, sure, and sounds more like something they'd say on TV, but Mai seems to get the idea. Something rustles behind Sokka, and from the way Mai's eyes widen, he can tell Zuko took his hood off. 

It feels like the entire group is holding their breath when Zuko clears his throat and waves, "Hello? Zuko, here."

There are moments Sokka wonders why he likes Zuko. This is one of those moments. 

There's a long pause. Mai's brow furrows, just barely, and she points at Zuko and sighs. "Have I finally lost it?"

"Unfortunately, no," Katara says, "that's him." 

Mai looks Zuko up and down, clearly making some sort of deliberation. She glances away, and then eventually, "Prove it. Tell me something only you and I would know." Mai wraps her coat tighter around herself. 

Sokka almost panics, but Zuko shrugs. He thinks for a second before saying, "You and Ty Lee first admitted you liked each other when you were eight, but you were nervous to ask her out in high school because you weren't sure she remembered." 

Mai flushes red while Toph laughs. "I can't imagine you hesitating on  _ anything. _ He had to have made it up."

Zuko snorts and looks over at Mai expectantly.

"What happened to your face?" She asks flatly. 

Sokka's not sure if he likes Mai. She's blunt, always bored, and borderline rude. Even Aang had the decency not to ask about the scar, even if he cleared wanted to. It's common  _ fucking  _ courtesy.

Zuko doesn't even blink. "Not sure. What happened to your," he gestures vaguely, "everything?" 

"It's been a few decades, believe it or not." The corner of her mouth twitches up, and Zuko smiles. "You're still dead, right?"

"Not sure what else I would be if I wasn't." He appears closer to her, removing the distance. "Some weird hallucination?"

Mai reaches out and  _ hugs  _ him. Toph actually looks surprised and nudges Suki to whisper a joke in her ear. Katara catches Sokka's gaze. Her eyes are wet, but she's desperately fanning her face to keep herself from crying. She never could resist a good reunion. 

Zuko eventually wriggles out from under her arm, and Mai straightens out her jacket. 

"That was unnecessary," Zuko says, but Sokka can hear the teasing in his voice. 

"I get one sentimental pass. I think I deserve it after you fucking  _ died,"  _ Mai jabs an accusatory finger at Zuko's chest, who rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. "So, what? You're a ghost or something?

"A ghost," Katara says, "hangs out at his old house."

Zuko glances at Sokka with a soft expression that makes Sokka feel like his knees are going to give out, "Sokka found me." Katara pointedly coughs into her hand, and Zuko adds, "Katara helped too, of course."

Mai gives Sokka a funny look like she's inspecting him under a microscope. She turns back to Zuko, "So  _ that's  _ why they harassed me."

"Yeah. We're trying to figure out how I died."

Sokka knows Mai is studying the scar, even with the faraway look in her eyes. "Can you see on that side?"

Zuko startles, taken aback, "Sort of? Maybe it'd be worse if I was alive, but it's a little fuzzy." Sokka hadn't ever thought to ask, and he's not sure if he should feel bad about it or not.

"You don't know what happened?" She asks, voice a little stronger than before.

"I... don't really remember. No one else has been able to help. Not even my niece, which, did you know I even had one of those?" Zuko rambles on, flickering a little more aggressively.

"Well, not really his niece. I think she's your first cousin once removed or something-" Katara says, holding up one finger. Sokka nudges her to get her to shut up. 

Mai nods sagely, "I see. You're visiting me for information, not because you missed me." 

Zuko stammers for a moment until he sees Mai's grin. "Fuck off."

Sokka leans forward, "I mean, if you  _ do _ know anything, that'd be great. We were gonna go look at the grave, too, if you'd like to come."

Mai shrugs, "Can't make any promises, but I'll see what I can do."

Sokka isn't sure what he expected Zuko's grave to look like, but he knows the plain rectangle of stone standing in front of him isn't it. It should be taller, or bigger, or better-taken care of, or  _ something  _ because whatever it is  _ isn't  _ Zuko. It just has his name and two dates, nothing else. 

"Your father was in charge of it," Mai says, as though it makes it any better.

Zuko nods sharply and stalks over to his sister's. She got more than just her name, at least. "Do you know what happened to her? Izumi said there was a fire or something." Sokka can tell he's trying to sound indifferent. It's not working.

Mai shrugs, "She and your father moved to Ba Sing Se a couple of months after you died. I didn't hear about what happened to them until it got in the papers." She looks nervous if anything and Sokka isn't sure what that means.

Zuko's shoulders tense up, and Sokka nearly bolts over to comfort him. Katara has a hand on his arm, though, and he can tell she's right. This isn't to do with him anymore. "And you just let him take her?"

Mai doesn't say anything, but she suddenly looks scared. Sokka can see it again, her at sixteen, standing in the same exact spot, dressed in all black. 

Zuko turns around and looks at her expectantly. "You just let him  _ fucking  _ take her?"

"Zuko." Mai's tone is stern, but her face is a little desperate. "I was sixteen. My best friend had just died. Do you really think she would've listened to me?"

"You could've  _ tried!  _ You know what he was like and leaving her  _ alone-" _

"Zuko." 

"He was always worse to me, you think that just  _ went away _ when I died? That he wouldn't pick on her instead?"

"Zuko!" Mai says, too loud for a cemetery. Sokka glances at Toph, Suki, and Aang, who have all pulled out their phones and look very interested in whatever it is they're doing. Katara's eyes are wide. "I'm sorry, alright? I am. I think about it all the time. I think about  _ both  _ of you,  _ all the time.  _ But there wasn't a right answer. And you can't pin it all on me."

"It's not  _ fair."  _ Zuko's shoulders slump slightly, and Sokka realizes that this fight isn't really about Mai. 

Mai nods, "No, it wasn't. I know you want to blame someone, Zuko, I do. But you can't blame me."

"It's not fair," Zuko says again, with less force.

"None of it was. We were kids.  _ All  _ of us."

Sokka remembers the note in his pocket. The burned edges and the rushed handwriting, with underneath Zuko and Azula's things. It was buried under coloring pages and family photos and diaries, and  _ why there? _

"Hang on," Sokka turns to Mai, a little frantic, "would you know her handwriting if I showed it to you?" 

Zuko shoots a confused look at Sokka, "What are you talking about?" 

"Oh my God, the  _ note _ ," Katara leans over Sokka's shoulder to get a closer look as he hands it to Mai. Zuko appears next to Sokka, too, and Sokka nearly starts shivering again against the chill. 

It makes sense. Everything in that box was from Azula or Zuko. The note didn't have a date, but it didn't need one. 

_ I'm sorry, Uncle. I made a promise to my mother, and I broke it. Don't worry. He'll never get near anyone again. Ever. _

"It's hers," Mai says, "and she knew. Whatever happened, she figured it out." She looks back at Azula's headstone. July 1942-March 1957. She never made it to sixteen. "She set the fire. She had to have set it herself."

Zuko's brow furrows, and his form blinks or twice. Sokka can't blame him. Azula had seemed to put together in her photos, and even a bit petty in Zuko's journal, but she  _ never  _ seemed the type to burn a house down with herself inside. "Why? Why'd she-"

Sokka can hear it, even if Zuko doesn't finish his sentence.  _ Why did she kill our father?  _

Mai gets a sad smile, almost a smirk, "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who killed you."

Sokka is confused, and it's almost relieving to see that Zuko is just as freaked out as him, "You know?" 

Suki isn't even pretending to look preoccupied now, and Aang is very nearly there. Toph is petting Badgermole halfheartedly, but it's clear she's listening as well. 

Mai frowns, "You don't?" 

"It's right there, you know? Like I have all the pieces I need to figure it out, but I just  _ can't,  _ Mai. No matter how hard I think about it." Zuko's fists are clenched at his sides. "You know, though. So who is it?"

She glances at Sokka and back at Zuko, just a bit hesitant. "It's your father, Zuko. Who else?"

Zuko fully disappears, for a solid second, and Sokka panics until he slowly fades back into view. Katara looks like she's going to be sick, and Sokka has to agree. Sokka knows that some parents are better than others and that some people just like to hurt their kids. He  _ knows  _ that. But it's different to see it and to know _ , for sure _ , that's what happened. 

Zuko doesn't look at all surprised. The temperature drops, but his expression is entirely calm. "Oh."

Sokka doesn't care who's around anymore, so he leans his forehead into Zuko's arm. The ghost probably needs it, even if he  _ seems _ fine, and it makes Sokka feel better.

"Of course it was him," and Zuko says it like he's  _ not even joking _ . 

Sokka read the journal. He should've known, and he should've figured it out, and he should've stopped thinking about Jet for two  _ goddamned seconds.  _ It was right fucking there. Every time Zuko mentioned his father, it was  _ right there.  _ Even Zuko and Azula's interactions. Their father was always the source.

Zuko laughs, humorless. He traces the edge of his scar with one finger. "We always were a family of pyromaniacs." 

Katara takes a deep breath, "So Azula knew? How'd she figure it out?" 

"I had my suspicions," Mai says slowly, "it was always strange, the entire situation. I'm sure something tipped her off."

"We could go to the house," Aang pipes up, and everyone turns to look at him, "if Zuko's a ghost, she might be too. We could just ask."

It's not the worst idea they've ever had. 

"We don't really have anything else to go off of. There's nothing here that tells us anything, and I'm not even in the grave. I think Aang's right." Zuko gives Aang a tiny smile, and the other boy breaks into a grin. He's doing that thing where he pretends to be fine. Sokka makes a note to deal with that later.

Suki perks her head up, "Wait one minute. You aren't even  _ here?  _ How can you tell?"

Zuko shrugs, "I don't really know how I know. It's just a feeling."

"It was a closed casket funeral. Whatever your father did to you was bad enough he didn't want to risk anyone seeing." Mai looks out over the cemetery with a weird, absent look on her face. Sokka decides not to ask. It's been a long day. 

The scar on Zuko's face is bad enough. If what had  _ really  _ happened had been enough to  _ kill him,  _ Sokka's not sure he wants to know the details.

Zuko's quiet the entire bus ride home, but not in the same way as that morning. He's not nervous, he's determined. Sokka scoots over enough that they're sitting  _ right  _ next to each other, just to try and comfort him.

The journal is still sitting in Sokka's room. If Zuko had seen it, would he have connected the dots about his father? 

Katara glares at him like she knows what he's thinking. 

Zuko says he can remember, but Sokka knows he's missing some things. The little details, the inside jokes,  _ all of it _ . Sokka has it all, crammed in the very back of his desk drawer. Sokka probably knows more about Zuko's class schedule and high school than he does. 

It's not fair. Sokka's going to make it right. Eventually. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not entirely happy with this one but I've been staring at it for days so you're getting it anyway.
> 
> come bug me on tumblr @theleftdualdaosword


	9. Ignite

Sokka has a plan, as he so often does. Katara always tells him his plans are never any good, and always end in disaster, but she's still not talking to him much. It's decidedly not her business. 

Sokka's known about his crush on Zuko for weeks, and he thinks he's safe in the assumption that Zuko likes him back. Zuko's always awkward, sure, but he never gets mad or frustrated with Sokka the way he did with everyone else. Plus, there's no heterosexual explanation as to why Zuko got so flustered when Sokka lent him his hoodie. Speaking of that hoodie, he never  _ did  _ get it back. 

But no one knows. Katara might, but she's his little sister. She doesn't count. And even if she did, it'd be weird. Suki, Toph, and Aang don't know about Yue. They don't know how big of a deal it is that Sokka likes someone else.

He kind of doesn't want them to. Not yet, at least. He'll tell them eventually. But for now, he wants to be a perfectly normal teenager who is having a perfectly normal crush on another perfectly normal teenager. Not counting the ghost thing, anyway. 

His plan only has two steps so far, but that's really all it needs. Don't overcomplicate things.

The steps are as follows: 

  1. Tell Suki, Toph, and Aang he likes Zuko
  2. Tell Zuko he likes Zuko



Sokka opens his desk drawer to dig for a pencil, and his hand feels around the very back and wraps around something that is definitely  _ not  _ a pencil, but Sokka pulls it out anyway.

He sucks air in through his teeth. Oh. Right. Zuko's journal. That he's been meaning to tell Zuko about. He manages to curl a hand around some old, strangely sticky mechanical pencil. He scratches another step out onto the paper.

The steps are as follows:

  1. Tell Suki, Toph, and Aang he likes Zuko
  2. Tell Zuko he likes Zuko
  3. Tell Zuko about the journal



Maybe he should tell Zuko about the journal  _ before  _ the crush thing. Just so Zuko knows what he's getting into. Some little voice in the back of Sokka's head says that Zuko won't  _ like  _ Sokka anymore if he finds out.

He tries not to think about it. 

The next day at school is when he sees Suki. The folded up piece of paper with his plan scribbled onto it sits heavy in his pocket. She's the only one of their whole friend group that he has in his economics class. 

Telling them one at a time seems easier, anyway. 

Sokka clears his throat once the class starts working on their assignment.

Suki looks up at him, one eyebrow raised, "Yes, Sokka?"

"I have something to tell you."

_ That _ piques her interest. She leans forward in her seat, "Well, spit it out! You've been acting weird all morning."

He'd been acting weird? Weird enough for her to notice? Sokka shakes his head to clear away the thought. He'll deal with it later. "You know Zuko?"

Suki nods expectantly.

"I have a crush on him."

Her face falls, and she crosses her arms. "That's it?" She says, sitting back in her seat. "Tell me something I don't know. And here I thought you'd done something illegal or cool."

"I- what?" Sokka stammers, surprised, "you knew? the whole time?"

"Well, not the  _ whole  _ time, but once we met him, yeah." She waves her hand in the air nonchalantly. "He likes you too, by the way, and I don't even need to know him all that well to be able to tell."

Sokka rolls his eyes, "I knew  _ that.  _ Was  _ I _ really that obvious?"

Suki shrugs, "Pretty much, yeah."

Telling Toph doesn't go much better. 

Sokka catches her during the passing period to their next class. She hardly acknowledges him as he falls in step beside her, aside from saying, "Snoozles." 

"So, I have something to tell you," Sokka says, loud enough to be heard over the chatter of other students. 

Toph turns her head in his direction, "Oh?"

Sokka pauses. He gets a sneaking suspicion that she knows what he's about to say. "Did Suki tell you?"

"No. But I have a feeling she didn't need to. What is it?" Toph says as Sokka gets jostled by some kid with one of those roller backpacks. Those things always tripped him up.

"I like Zuko," Sokka drags out the words to let it sink in. "Like,  _ like  _ like him."

Toph wrinkles her nose, "What are you, five? Just say you have a crush on him like a normal person. I know already."

Sokka can't find it in himself to be disappointed. "Of course you did." He sighs, "You aren't at all surprised?"

Toph cackles, "No! If anything, I'm surprised you have a preference for older men."

Sokka chokes on his own spit and coughs desperately into his hand. "Oh my God, Toph,  _ no.  _ He's sixteen!"

Toph shakes her head, "I did the math, snoozles. He's like, seventy-six."

She rounds the corner, disappearing into whatever class she has that period. Sokka rubs a hand over his face and groans. Everyone knows, then, it seems. Sokka always thought he was capable of putting his feelings to the side when necessary. Guess not. He hardly has time to think,  _ Oh, God, does this mean Mai knows too  _ before the bell rings and he's late to class.

Sokka doesn't see Aang until they have gym class together after lunch. No one said anything about his sort-of confession when they were all together, which genuinely surprised Sokka. Aang probably knows, too, at this point. Since apparently  _ everyone  _ is in on it. Katara glares at him a little less than she has been recently, though, and Sokka counts it as a win. 

He still doesn't get why she's upset. Sure, he hasn't told Zuko about the journal. That's a reasonable thing to be upset about. But she was mad at him even  _ before  _ that. Even if she wasn't pissed at Zuko, it's clear that whatever it is is  _ about  _ Zuko. Maybe it's for the best Sokka doesn't tell her about his crush. For all she knows, he got over whatever little thing he had weeks ago. 

"Oh, hey, Sokka," Aang jumps in front of Sokka, breaking his train of thought. "I didn't see you come in. What's up?"

Sokka sighs, "Not much. You?"

Aang perks up and starts rambling on about some lab he'd done in his science class. Sokka half listens. They'd done something like it back before they moved. Something with the water cycle? 

Sokka might as well get it over with. There isn't really a point in telling Aang about his crush. He probably already knows. But, it's on the plan, and so it must be done. 

"I have something to tell you," Sokka says as soon as Aang pauses for a breath. 

"Oh? What is it? Is something wrong?" 

"Nah," Sokka reassures, and Aang looks a lot less nervous, "It's just that I like Zuko."

Aang cocks his head, eyes wide, "Like, you wanna date him?"

Sokka can't say he's surprised. Even if he'd been  _ (apparently) _ being pretty obvious at the graveyard, the  _ one  _ person who wouldn't notice is Aang. Of course. He has to be lying.

He's more disappointed in himself than anything else.

"Yes." He hadn't really thought about it like that before, he realizes. Zuko is dead. It wouldn't be a normal dating experience. Not by a longshot. Zuko can only go so far from the house, and he's always negative bazillion degrees, and- what happens once they figure it out? What happens when Zuko knows how he died?

Sokka decides not to think about it, for now, anyway. Aang is bouncing around in front of him, grinning, and talking just a  _ bit  _ too loudly for comfort. Zuko's fucking great-nephew or whatever is in  _ the same goddamn room _ . 

He should probably ask Izumi if she told Iroh about the whole ghost situation. Another thing to worry about later. 

"Shh!" Sokka hisses and grabs Aang by the shoulders, planting him firmly on the floor. 

Aang smiles apologetically, "Sorry, I'm just so excited! I had no idea!"

"You're lying," Sokka deadpans, "Did Toph really not mention it to you?"

Aang shrugs, "She and Suki were whispering to each other, but I had no idea what they were talking about."

Yeah. That tracks. 

"So, are you gonna ask him out? I think you should," Aang says in a stage whisper that is honestly still too loud. 

Sokka shrugs, "Yeah. I'm pretty sure he likes me, too."

Aang says something about how romantic it all is before he moves on to another topic. 

Sokka thinks of the list in his pocket. One step down, two more to go. 

The next day at lunch, Suki throws her bag down on the floor and drops her laptop onto the table a little harder than necessary. Aang winces when it makes a pretty unfortunate sounding noise, but Suki doesn't seem bothered.

"Guess what I found," Suki singsongs, cracking open her computer and typing furiously.

Sokka puts down his kind of gross slice of pizza and leans forward, "A job?" 

Toph laughs at that, which Sokka counts as a win. Suki smirks, "Nah. Even better." She clicks one more time and turns her laptop around to face everyone. The screen is taken up by what looks like a scan of some newspaper. Someone did a shitty job of scanning it, and most of the words are blurry and hard to read, but the headline is unmistakable.  _ "TWO DEAD IN FIRE IN UPPER RING."  _ It's whatever newspaper they have in Ba Sing Se, Sokka doesn't know, and even though it's smudged, Sokka can read the date. March 1957. Azula. 

"The rest of the article is on a different page. It's our fire." She twists the laptop back to face her, "It doesn't list an address, but I'm pretty sure I managed to find it anyway. They never rebuilt the house, for some reason. It's in a pretty secluded corner of the upper ring, too." She turns it back around, and this time, the screen is open to Google maps. 

"Suki? You're actually the coolest person ever," Sokka says.

"How'd you even find time to do this?" Aang looks up from the computer to ask.

Suki leans back in her seat, hands behind her head with her elbows in the air. "I had English homework I didn't want to do."

"Do we have a way to get there? Ba Sing Se is a few hours away," Katara points out from somewhere behind Sokka. "Only one of us can drive."

Suki laughs, "I can't technically take other people, and I don't think anyone here has money for gas. I'm not gonna lose my license for nothing."

"We could ask Mai," Toph shrugs, "She's like, actually invested now. And also can drive."

Sokka shudders,  _ "You _ have to ask her. I'm pretty sure that woman hates me." 

Toph says she doesn't, but the too-long second of hesitation isn't very convincing. 

He goes to Zuko's after school. Sokka had  _ planned  _ on telling him, both parts, then and there, but then Suki said she wanted to come along, and then so did Aang, which made Katara come too, and Toph has never been one to be excluded from anything. 

So, he'll have to try again later. Sokka's getting kind of impatient at this point. 

Zuko does sit next to him on the couch, at least. It's the little things. 

Sokka doesn't think he has the energy to  _ really  _ participate in the conversation, but he's perfectly happy to listen to everyone else talk. And apparently, Sokka is farther gone than anticipated because he could listen to Zuko talk  _ for hours. _

The way he trips over words if he gets distracted, and how he drags out Sokka's name for just a millisecond too long. Sokka thinks back to the very first time they met and how his first thought was something about how  _ nice  _ Zuko's voice was to listen to. 

Zuko says something to Suki and uses her name, and Sokka stops paying attention because  _ there's no way.  _ Sokka stills, listening harder to this than anything he's ever listened to before in his life. Zuko does it again, and Sokka has to stop himself from laughing.

Zuko has a lisp.  _ Holy shit. _

It takes all of Sokka's willpower to keep him from kissing the ghost right there in front of everyone. 

The paper with Sokka's plan is still stuffed into his pocket. He's got to finish step two because if he doesn't, Sokka's pretty sure he'll die. He's going to do it tomorrow. He has two things to confess to Zuko, and even if the first one is enough to make Zuko hate him, at least he will have said it.

No one demands to tag along with him the next day. 

Standing in front of Zuko's front door, shivering a little because his favorite hoodie  _ still hasn't been returned _ , he kind of wishes they had. Sokka brought the journal, even if the very idea of telling Zuko made his stomach churn. Sokka came up with a plan. He was going to finish it.

Zuko opens the door and immediately brightens when he sees who it is. Sokka  _ really  _ doesn't want to ruin it. Maybe even ruin everything. 

But his mother always told him he was brave, so he was going to act like it.

Zuko doesn't seem to notice Sokka's uneasiness, moving on even if Sokka hardly says more than a word at a time. A few minutes go by before Sokka realizes he can't pretend like everything is fine  _ and then  _ bring it up. He has to get it over with.

"I have something to tell you," he says, feeling like a broken record. All he'd been doing lately was telling people things. 

Zuko stops and gives him a funny look. "What's up?"

"I did something." Sokka drops his bag on the floor, digging through to the bottom. Zuko's journal.

Zuko doesn't look upset  _ (yet) _ and seems more worried than anything else.  _ As if it couldn't be any worse. _ "Are you ok?"

Sokka nods halfheartedly. He sticks his arm out, gripping the journal a little too hard. Rip the bandaid off. But Zuko won't take it.

Zuko doesn't say anything for a second. "What's that?" 

"It's yours." His throat feels thick, and he takes a deep breath before continuing. "I found it in the box from Izumi. I went through it before I showed it to you."

The ghost's brow is furrowed. Zuko still won't take the damn book.

Sokka's arm feels heavy, "I didn't keep anything else. I just-" he stops. "I read it. I shouldn't have."

"I don't- I don't remember it," Zuko says, staring at the journal, confused. "Sokka, what's in it?"

Sokka supposes this is what he deserves. He should admit to it. Out loud. "Your diary, I guess. You got it from your uncle."

Something must click in Zuko's head because  _ now _ he looks upset. He grabs it, forcefully, and Sokka thinks that's it. He ruined everything. Zuko won't talk to him again. 

"How much did you read?" Zuko asks, so quietly that Sokka almost doesn't hear him. The air smells a little like smoke, and if Sokka didn't know better, he'd think someone had a cigarette in the other room.

Sokka almost considers lying to him. Saying he only read the first few pages, only enough to figure out who it belonged to. But Zuko is looking at him  _ so sadly, _ and Sokka can't bring himself to do it. "Most of it. Once I figured out it was yours."

"Why?" 

And isn't that the question? Sokka wishes there was an easy answer. But there's not. He spent a lot of time thinking about it. The answer closest to the truth was that he was jealous. 

And that's a confession all on its own.

"I wasn't going to. I really only was checking to see who's it was, but..." He trails off. 

"But?" Zuko echoes. 

Sokka stares resolutely at the floor. "I don't know. I'm sorry that I read it, and I don't even  _ have a reason, _ but I just. Couldn't help myself, I guess. And that's a shitty excuse, and  _ I know." _

"You did it anyway?" Zuko says, and it doesn't sound nearly as angry as Sokka expected. If anything, Zuko sounds a little sad, but mostly just resigned.

"Yeah." 

Zuko holds his arm out this time, trying to give Sokka the journal. "I don't- I'm not happy. That you read it. I'm not." He sighs, "But it's not as if I want to read it myself."

"What?" Sokka tries to stop himself from sounding so shocked, but it comes out that way anyway. "It's about your friends and your sister and your father-"

_ "Exactly. _ There are just-" Zuko runs a hand through his hair, mussing it up even more. Sokka almost forgot how badly he wanted to kiss him earlier. How he still kind of does. "There are some things I don't really want to remember. I know enough about it already."

"There's stuff about Jet." Sokka blurts it out before he realizes what he's saying. He knows his face is bright red, and  _ goddamn, isn't that the cherry on top of this whole situation?  _

Zuko looks at Sokka like he's grown a second head.

It's like a dam broke. "That's why I read it. I was looking through it to see if it was yours, and then I just saw his name in it and-"

The smoke smell is gone. Sokka doesn't know if that's a good sign or not.

"-Actually, a lot of it is about him, which I thought was weird, so I just kept reading it." Sokka's rambling now, but it's not like Zuko is stopping him. The silence makes him more nervous than anything else. "And then I suddenly had read _ all of it  _ and-"

"Sokka."

Sokka freezes. Zuko looks a little red in the face, now that Sokka thinks about it. Sokka swallows. "Yeah?"

"Why do you care about Jet?" 

Forget kissing Zuko, Sokka just wants to hit him. 

Ok, that's not true. Sokka doesn't want to hit Zuko for asking a perfectly reasonable and valid question. It's Sokka who has a problem with answering. And Sokka's pretty sure he couldn't forget wanting to kiss Zuko if he tried.

Zuko's expression is. Different. He doesn't look sad anymore. Just-

Hopeful?

That's almost worse. 

"Why do you care about Jet?" Zuko repeats, sounding more sure of himself. 

"I was-" Sokka starts and stops. He opens his mouth once or twice. "I was jealous." He says the last word into his hand, quiet enough that if he gets lucky, Zuko won't have heard him. Then he can say something that's less fucked up.

Of course, Sokka has never been particularly lucky. 

"What did you say?" Zuko sounds urgent. "Say it again."

Sokka doesn't. The silence stretches out, and the longer it lasts, the more Sokka wants the floor to swallow him. 

_ "Please,"  _ Zuko whispers a little frantically. 

This is not how this was supposed to go. Sokka had  _ hoped  _ it would go the way he wanted. That Zuko would forgive him, and then he could finish his plan, and then they could both forget about it. 

As much as Sokka would like to lie and pretend he didn't say what he just said, he knows he can't. Zuko is giving him a chance to take it back.  It wouldn't be right.

So Sokka takes a deep breath and thinks of his mother, telling him he was brave. "I was jealous, ok?" 

In the scenario Sokka made up in his head, there is really only one thing he expects Zuko to do. He thinks Zuko would tell him to leave and that he shouldn't bother coming back. Katara can solve the mystery. They don't need Sokka's help anymore.

What he  _ wasn't  _ expecting was for Zuko to appear in front of him and say, quietly, _ desperately,  _ "You didn't need to be."

Sokka can't say he's mad about being wrong, just this once.

Sokka's pretty sure he dies, right there on the spot, with Zuko six inches from his face. If he's not dead, he's dreaming. Sokka might be an idiot, but he's kissed enough people to know when someone's asking for it.

Sokka couldn't tell Zuko 'no,' even if he wanted to.

And so he leans in. 

Their noses bump together, but Sokka barely notices because then Zuko turns his head just enough to make it work, and then they're  _ kissing. _

Zuko is cold but solid against him, and Sokka nearly shudders when he feels Zuko's hand find it's way into his hair.

He doesn't want to stop, but then Zuko pulls away, and Sokka remembers that he _ does  _ actually need to breathe, unlike other people involved.

Zuko's still staring at him, and Sokka's still a little disoriented, so he says, "Dude."

Zuko snorts, "Don't call me 'dude.' We just kissed."

"Fair point," Sokka says. Zuko's floating, he realizes.  _ That's  _ why he seemed so much taller. "Can we do it again?"

Zuko grins just a little bit, and Sokka grabs him by the collar onto the ground and into another kiss. Sokka's taller than him, and he laughs when he notices.

"What?" Zuko asks, raising his eyebrow and pulling back.

"'S nothing. It's just that I'm taller than you."

Zuko blushes and crosses his arms. "Shut up."

They're standing in the middle of the living room. Sokka still has one hand on Zuko's shoulder, and Zuko still has the journal in one hand. Sokka winces when he sees it.

Oh, right. That. 

"Hey, I really am sorry about the whole-" Sokka doesn't want to finish that sentence. 

Zuko's grin fades into something more neutral. "Reading my diary?"

Sokka wants to fold in on himself. "Yeah. That."

"Listen. I'm not glad  _ anyone  _ read it, but if I had to choose someone, I would've chosen you." Zuko traces a finger across the cover of the book. It's a little beat up. Sokka hopes none of the pages got bent in his bag.

"Not Mai?"

Zuko huffs out a laugh. "She heard enough about Jet and me when we were in school. I don't think she's missing much."

"Are you going to keep it?" Sokka asks and prays Zuko doesn't think  _ he  _ wants to keep it. He's not trying to get it back. It was never Sokka's in the first place.

"I don't think so," Zuko holds it out for Sokka to take. "I wasn't lying when I said I didn't want to read it. You... already did, so. If you want it, it's yours. Just? Maybe don't look through it again."

Sokka would rather die than have that whole conversation again (even if the ending was pretty nice), so he feels fairly confident in his assessment that yes, he will be able to keep himself from reading the journal. "If you're sure."

"Yeah. None of it is really a secret, anyway."

Sokka's about to apologize again when he's cut off by Zuko's lips on his.

"I  _ mean it. _ It's fine. Stop saying you're sorry."

Sokka smiles, "Well, when you put it like  _ that." _

Zuko rolls his eyes and kisses Sokka again, long and hard and desperate. 

_ Oh, yeah.  _ He could get used to this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see i said it wasn't a slowburn!!!
> 
> im on tumblr if you wanna vibe @theleftdualdaosword


	10. Glow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> these bitches gay good for them 😌

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is 5k and a lot of fluff.
> 
> enjoy

Sokka's new favorite thing is being able to kiss Zuko whenever he wants. 

Well, not  _ whenever  _ he wants. 

Katara  _ hadn't  _ been happy to open Zuko's front door to be greeted with the sight of her brother kissing a ghost. Sokka kind of gets it, sure, and  _ maybe  _ he should've actually checked his phone to see that she'd texted him, but it's her fault for not knocking. 

That night she comes into his bedroom  _ (also without knocking!!)  _ and stands at the door, arms crossed. "So. You told him?"

She's still fighting with him, then. It'd be nice of her to let Sokka know  _ what they were fighting about, _ at the very least.

"Yeah," Sokka says, nonchalant, "It worked out pretty well."

"I'm glad," Katara says, and actually sounds sincere, which is surprising. Sokka doesn't respond, letting her stand there as the silence stretches on.

Finally, Sokka decides he's going to finish it. Whatever fight they'd been having. 

"What's been your problem lately?" Sokka asks at the same time that Katara says, "Can we talk about something?"

They both pause before starting again. Eventually, the two of them shut up at the same time, and Katara gestures for him to go first.

"Is this about the journal?" Sokka asks, "Or do you just not like Zuko? 'Cause I know it's about him."

Katara blinks once or twice. "I like Zuko. The journal thing is really shitty, though. Sokka, you need to tell him."

"I told him. We figured it out."

"Oh." She fiddles with the hem of her shirt but doesn't leave his doorway. 

Sokka sighs. "That's not it, though, is it?"

"It's good!" Katara exclaims before glancing at the floor a little awkwardly. "But. You're right. It's just-" She stops again, clearly thinking hard. Sokka almost interjects with some less than helpful comment, but he can tell she's trying. Katara takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry if Zuko thinks I don't like him. That's really not it."

"Then what  _ is  _ it?"

"I'm just worried about you, is all." Her voice has an edge to it that Sokka doesn't like, like she's frustrated.

Sokka  _ was not  _ expecting her to say that. "...Why?"

She sniffs a little, still clutching the hem of her shirt. "What happens when we figure it out?" Katara asks, "We don't know what's going to happen to Zuko when we figure it out. What if he disappears?"

Oh.

He'd never-

He'd never actually thought about that. 

Sokka doesn't get a chance to say anything before Katara continues talking. "I'm happy you finally said something to him. I really,  _ really  _ am, Sokka, I promise. But you just- You just  _ weren't ok  _ after everything with Yue, and I don't want to watch you get your heart broken again. You don't deserve that."

"Katara," Sokka trails off. 

He wasn't ok after Yue. Not for  _ months _ . 

(It still hurts, sometimes, he thinks. Katara doesn't need to know.)

(She probably already does. She was Yue's friend, too.)

What  _ was  _ going to happen when they figure it out? Would Zuko just disappear, like he hadn't been there in the first place? Sokka isn't sure he'd be able to handle it.

Sokka sighs, "Is that really all this is about?"

Katara nods, "It felt like you didn't want my help, and then you started going behind my back and-" He was an idiot to think she was being mean just for fun. Of course, she was just worried about him. She's always been nosey. 

"You want a hug?" He asks her, already quite sure of the answer. Katara nearly runs across the room and nearly squeezes all the air out of him. 

She buries her face into his shoulder. "I'm sorry if you thought I was mad at you."

"It's alright. You're right to be worried. I hadn't really thought about it," Sokka admits. "But. You know I'm not going to like, break up with him or anything, right?"

"Yeah." She finally let's go and sits back on his bed. "Honestly, I'm not sure I want you to. Zuko really likes you."

"I'm aware," Sokka deadpans, and Katara giggles. "I'm sorry I excluded you. That wasn't fair."

Katara accepts his apology with a small smile and takes a deep breath. She brings up something to do with school, and Sokka realizes just how much he missed hearing about her stupid assignments and teachers. A few minutes go by spent just listening to her talk about nothing.

She pauses. "You should tell Dad about Zuko. He says you two haven't talked in a while."

Sokka groans. "He won't believe me when I mention the ghost thing, and then when he finally does, it'll be awkward 'cause Zuko's my boyfriend now, and he's all old-fashioned or whatever." Another thing he hadn't thought of: Zuko is his boyfriend. Like.  _ Boyfriend. _ Something about the idea makes his cheeks burn. 

"Ok. You have a point." Katara says, stretching her arms. If she wants to keep talking about it, she doesn't let on. "Do you know when we go over there tomorrow anyway?"

Oh, yeah. Sokka almost forgot. The whole ga(a)ng would be spending the night at Zuko's. They had to leave early the next morning if they wanted to make it to Ba Sing Se and back before it got too late plus it let them all hang out beforehand.

Also, Sokka wasn't sure he trusted an old woman to drive all over town to get them all. 

(As far as everyone's parents knew, one of Suki's friends was taking them. Sokka had a feeling his father wouldn't have been happy to hear he'd been bothering some old lady.)

Sokka tries to remember what time they'd agreed upon. "Probably five? I might go early, though."

Katara grins, "Oh, yeah? To do what?"

"Shut the fuck up."

Sokka  _ doesn't _ end up going early, because as soon as he tries, Katara follows him out the door with a smug look on her face.

"Really?" He says, rolling his eyes. 

"What?" Katara pretends to look innocent. "I can't let you hang out with him alone before the shovel talk. It's the rules."

Sokka glares at her, but he doesn't really mean it. "You're a little late on both of those fronts. I've hung out with him plenty, and he's already dead. You can't kill him again."

Katara gets the same evil-looking grin from before. "Is that a challenge?" Sokka doesn't say anything to that, deciding to shove her shoulder instead. 

If Zuko is surprised to see Katara when he opens the door, he doesn't show it. Toph and Aang are already sitting in the living room, with a blanket draped onto the couch cushion. 

It's probably for the best. This furniture is  _ old,  _ and even with Izumi coming by to keep the place clean, it's dusty as hell. 

Katara immediately squeezes in between them, joining whatever conversation they'd been having. 

Zuko turns back to Sokka, looking a little frazzled. "They're nice, they really are, but I have  _ no  _ idea how to talk to anybody."

"Trust me, dude, I know," Sokka laughs, bumping Zuko's shoulder with his. "Don't worry. They like you."

"Don't call me 'dude,'" Zuko says on what Sokka suspects is entirely instinct. "Is Katara still upset?"

"Nah. We talked about it." He's grateful Zuko doesn't ask for more details. It was kind of a siblings-only conversation. Sokka grins, "If I can't call you dude, what do you want me to call you instead?"

Zuko groans and rubs a hand across his face. "Is my name too much to ask?"

"Definitely," Sokka says, "Listen, would you rather me call you 'baby' instead? Or maybe 'sweetheart?'"

Zuko doesn't get a chance to say anything else because Toph immediately stands up from her spot on the couch and points in their general direction.

She's a bit too far to the left, but it's close enough.

"So I was right! You two  _ did  _ get together!" She's grinning a little maniacally. As if on cue, the front door slams shut behind them.

Suki has her duffle bag thrown over one shoulder, wearing a grin suspiciously similar to Toph's. Her bag falls to the floor with a thunk. "Oh. My. God. You actually did it?"

Sokka very much wants to disappear. Toph won't stop cackling, and even Aang is looking at him funny.

He's  _ not  _ embarrassed. He really isn't. But Sokka was hoping he'd get this to himself, just for a bit.

Zuko had been thinking the same thing, evidently, because he sighs and says, "There goes that plan."

Sokka pushes his forehead onto Zuko's shoulder. "It wouldn't have held up long, anyway. I swear Toph can  _ smell  _ it when I'm not telling her something." 

"Damn right I can, snoozles." 

Aang is smiling, without a trace of teasing. "Well,  _ I'm  _ very happy for you!"

Sokka feels Zuko's hand reach up and pat the back of his head reassuringly. Sokka has to stop himself from leaning into it. It's already embarrassing. Zuko nods, seeming a little dazed, "Thank you, Aang." 

Toph makes kissy noises behind them for Suki's entertainment, while Katara just laughs. She has the decency to look apologetic, at least. 

They all calm down eventually, enough so that Suki doesn't say anything when she sees Sokka slip his hand into Zuko's. She shoots him a sly smile that makes his face heat up while she pulls out her phone to order pizza. 

"Did you pick a movie?" Toph asks Katara as she digs through her bag. She holds out the tiny projector she'd gotten for her birthday like some kind of trophy, smiling.

"We're watching  _ The Emperor's New Groove _ . Zuko hasn't seen any good Disney movies. We gotta fix it," She says, and Zuko huffs next to Sokka.

"I've seen Disney movies! It's not like I'm  _ that _ old," Zuko whines, and Sokka has to hold in a laugh. "What? It's true! Azula and I watched them all the time!"

"I don't know, man. I've got google pulled up right now and it seems like your only options were, like,  _ Cinderella  _ and shit," Suki looks up from her phone, "Unless you're telling us that  _ Snow White  _ and  _ Pinocchio  _ count as  _ good _ Disney movies?" 

Zuko crosses his arms and glares, "I liked  _ Lady and the Tramp _ , but sure. Whatever."

"Oh, of  _ course  _ you liked that one," Toph scoffs, "can't say I'm surprised, Sparky."

"It was Azula's favorite first! I just ended up watching it over and over with her," Zuko says, and Sokka has a hard time believing  _ that. _ Sokka might not know Azula, but he has a feeling that a lovey-dovey movie about dogs eating spaghetti isn't her speed. "I'm not kidding, either. She  _ loved  _ that movie." 

Or maybe it is her speed. Sokka's learned a lot of things about Zuko's life recently, and not all of it is what he's expected. Maybe, deep,  _ deep _ down, Azula was a sucker for dog movies.

Zuko has that weird, absent look on his face he gets when he talks about his sister, so Sokka squeezes his hand before saying, "I'm getting my sleeping bag out. I know we haven't eaten, but I'm kind of sick of standing here, and there's nowhere to sit."

The others seem to agree, and it doesn't take long for the area in front of the couch to become a pile of blankets and pillows. Apparently, Suki heard "sleeping bag" and decided that meant she should bring her entire comforter and then some. Toph takes no time at all to bury herself somewhere deep under the blankets.

Sokka jumps a little when the doorbell rings. Katara squeals and pulls out her laptop, presumably to get the movie started, and Suki hops up and answers the door, only to be handed three boxes of pizza.

"Fuck yeah! Pizza's here!" She calls over her shoulder.

Ten minutes later, most of the pizza is gone, and Sokka can't say he's surprised. Aang is engrossed in the movie being projected onto a mostly empty wall, every so often leaning over to tell Toph if something particularly interesting happens. Suki is half paying attention, half looking at Twitter.

Sokka turns around to where Zuko is floating above the couch. "Hey, c'mere," he says and rolls his eyes when Katara shushes him, "you want any of the pizza?"

Zuko looks at Sokka like he's an idiot. "I'm dead. I can't eat."

"Well, have you _ tried?"  _ Sokka asks. It's a dumb question.

"Of course I haven't. Need I remind you that you all are the first people I've hung around in  _ decades? _

Ok. Sokka knows when he's lost an argument. "Alright, then." Zuko is still floating just out of Sokka's reach, so he puts on his best puppy-dog eyes and says, "You'll still come down here, though?"

The corner of Zuko's mouth twitches up, and Sokka feels a slight  _ whoosh  _ of air against his face as Zuko appears on the floor next to him. 

"Hi," Zuko says, grinning now. "Was there something you wanted?"

Sokka rolls his eyes despite his smile and twists to kiss Zuko on the mouth. It's short, sweet, and interrupted by a pillow sailing through the air and hitting Sokka on the back of the head.

Thank god Zuko's barely corporeal. Headbutting him on accident would've  _ hurt. _

"Sokka!" Katara's nose is scrunched up in disgust, "Gross!"

"Why were you  _ looking?  _ The movies that way, idiot!" Sokka hisses, crossing his arms. Zuko would look amused if not for the blush creeping up his neck.

"Are Sokka and Zuko making out?" Suki asks, sounding entirely too excited. "Can I throw a pillow too?" Sokka doesn't get to answer her before he's dodging another flying pillow.

"As much as I'd like to tease Snoozles and Sparky," Toph says, "You assholes are all talking over the  _ only part of the movie  _ I can enjoy. So kindly shut the fuck up." Aang whispers an apology, and Suki begrudgingly lays back down under her blanket. 

Sokka crosses his arms and pointedly leans even farther into Zuko's side. Just to spite his sister. 

A few minutes go by before Zuko leans down to whisper into Sokka's ear, "I wasn't paying attention near the beginning. Why's he a llama?"

"Long story, honestly," Sokka says, "The purple lady was trying to kill him."

Zuko nods slow enough that it clear he has no idea what Sokka is talking about. 

Sokka scoffs. "I'll read you the Wikipedia page later."

"Thanks. Whatever that means."

By the time the credits roll, everyone else seems to have fallen asleep. Zuko nudges him with his elbow, and Sokka reluctantly lifts his head. "What?"

"Let's go out to the hallway," Zuko says, "I don't want to wake anyone up."

Sokka groans overdramatically but stands up with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Zuko slides down the wall to sit back on the floor, and Sokka takes the spot next to him.

"Why're we out here?" Sokka asks, still whispering on instinct.

Zuko shrugs, "Just wanted to be able to talk without worrying about little sisters and flying pillows."

Sokka pretends to think about that as he drops his head onto Zuko's cold-ass shoulder. "My sister is a menace." 

"So what's the plot of that movie again?" Zuko asks.

Sokka digs for his phone and pulls up Google. "I'll admit, I wasn't paying that much attention either."

"Of course you weren't."

"Ok, so, basically," Sokka says five minutes later, glancing at his phone, "The purple lady has this poison that's supposed to kill him but  _ instead  _ turns him into a llama, right?"

"Uh. Right." 

Sokka crosses his arms, "Don't act like you've never seen a kind-of-crazy movie before. You said you'd seen  _ Alice in Wonderland _ !" 

"I have seen that! I just don't get any of the jokes, is all!" Zuko says a little louder than he probably should. "And you said the jokes are basically half the movie! Not really my fault."

"No. I guess it's not your fault you have the same sense of humor as my  _ grandmother,"  _ Sokka teases, "Just admit it, man. You're old."

"Don't call me 'man,' either. That's honestly just as bad," Zuko sighs, "But fine. I'm old."

"Why can't I call you 'man'?" Sokka asks, using his puppy-dog eyes  _ again. _

Zuko looks less than amused. "You know why. It's weird. You can't call me the same thing you call your friends."

"And why's  _ that?"  _ Sokka's well aware of the answer, but it's funny to watch Zuko get just a bit irritated.

"Because you and I are  _ kissing _ , asshole. That's why."

Sokka sees his opportunity. "We aren't kissing right  _ now _ ."

His plan works perfectly, and Sokka has to stop himself from thinking about telling Katara he's always right, because his little sister is not really the kind of thing he wants to think about when making out. It just isn't.

Sokka's not really sure how much time passes, but he honestly doesn't care. As Zuko once so brilliantly said in his diary, kissing boys is a pretty fantastic hobby.

_ Less  _ fantastic is when Katara opens the door  _ (without knocking, again, goddamnit) _ and starts shrieking. 

"Oh my  _ god,  _ Sokka, I can see your tongue  _ inside  _ his mouth!" She's covering her eyes and making a big show when Sokka finally blinks himself back to reality to take stock of the situation. Sure enough, Zuko's doing that weird thing where he's only sort of visible, and Katara is standing in the doorway, bouncing around and losing her mind. 

Zuko is bright red, face buried in his hands, and becoming more transparent by the second. Sokka can vaguely hear the sounds of everyone else waking up, which is just  _ great let's all get in on this party we're having _ . 

"Maybe you should learn how to knock, Katara,  _ Jesus!"  _ Sokka gestures at her a little wildly.

Katara says something along the lines of "It's a  _ fucking  _ hallway I shouldn't have to knock," but Sokka doesn't get the chance to respond because Zuko's  _ apparently  _ gotten over his embarrassment and is now laughing at him, too.

"Invading privacy seems to run in the family," Zuko says. Sokka's stomach drops, but when he turns around, Zuko is grinning with his eyebrow raised.

Sokka points a finger right at his chest, "Oh, so we can joke about it now?" 

"I think  _ I'm  _ the one who gets to decide that," Zuko says over Katara's sputtering.

Sokka narrows his eyes, pretending to be mad. "Fine."

He looks back at the doorway, where Toph, Suki, and Aang are crowded behind his sister. 

"How many times are you guys going to make out tonight?" Suki asks, "Because I'd really like you to get it out of the way now, not when we're all stuck in a car with you." 

Zuko chokes on his spit, and all Sokka has the energy to do is sigh. 

Toph pats Suki on the back reassuringly. "I think Mai would rather crash the car than deal with any of that. We'll be alright."

"Oh god," Zuko mutters, sounding a little faint. 

"See? Even he knows it! Nothing to worry about." Toph stretches out her arms behind her head. "I'm gonna go back to bed. Either leave them to it or force them back out with the rest of us, Sugar Queen."

Sokka groans when Katara grabs him by the arm and practically throws him back onto his sleeping bag. She rounds on Zuko, inches from his face.

"Watch it, ghost boy."

Zuko looks positively terrified, but Sokka knows she's mostly just having fun. As soon as she disappears back under a mountain of blankets, Sokka tugs Zuko down closer to the floor. "Don't worry about her. She likes you."

"Are you sure?" Zuko asks dryly.

"Trust me. Katara's just dramatic. And upset she can't threaten to kill you." Sokka ignores the very pointed sigh coming from Katara's direction. 

"Lovely."

Sokka stifles a giggle. "I'm going to bed. Get down here."

"I can't sleep," Zuko says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

Sokka shrugs, "Yeah, but you can just like, stare at me or something. I wanna cuddle."

"You're a sap," Zuko says matter of factly. He joins Sokka anyway, and Sokka has to keep himself from shivering. 

"And you're freezing."

Zuko suddenly seems unsure of himself. "I can go somewhere else if that's better?" 

Sokka sticks his nose out from under his blanket and frowns. "Absolutely not." He scoots over until he's right against Zuko. It's not even  _ that  _ bad, once he gets used to it.

"It's funny, you say I'm always cold, but when I was alive, it was apparently the exact opposite," Zuko says, "I was always  _ way  _ too warm."

"Hm. I can't picture it." Sokka stretches out a bit, tangling their legs together. "Now go to sleep. It's like, almost midnight, and we have a road trip tomorrow."

The first thing Sokka thinks as he wakes up is that, evidently, Zuko hadn't tried sleeping before either, because unless he's amazing at faking, he's  _ definitely  _ asleep. 

Sokka can hear shuffling, so he must not be the only one awake. He raises his head, just a bit, and can see Suki sitting up across the room. She waves and winks, pointing at Zuko next to him.

Sokka rolls his eyes, "I told him he could sleep. He didn't believe me."

"You two are cute," Suki says, and all Sokka can do is hum in response.

His whispering must have still been too loud because Zuko shifts around and mumbles something Sokka can't make out. He yawns, and the hand that had been loosely holding Sokka's wrist tightens.

"Morning," Suki says, "You slept."

Zuko's eyes open a little wider, "I did?"

"You did," Sokka uses his free hand to flick Zuko on the nose. "I told you so." Zuko's hair is a total mess, and his collar's all wonky. He's barely coherent, and their legs are still hooked over each other. 

It's terribly domestic. Sokka thinks his heart might melt.

It doesn't last forever, though, because soon Katara is waking up, and then Toph checks her phone, and Mai is  _ on her way,  _ so everyone starts scrambling.

Twenty minutes later, they're all crammed in Mai's car, sitting practically on top of each other. Aang and Katara are sitting in the trunk, complaining about it rather loudly, while Toph is enjoying her shotgun privileges.

Sokka was forced into taking the middle seat between Zuko and Suki. It's tight but sort of nice, considering how cold it is outside.

"Why does Toph get the front seat again?" Zuko asks over whatever music Toph is currently blasting.

"Because she's my favorite," Mai says flatly, "Why else?"

Zuko sighs, "Of course she is."

"Of course I am, Sparky," Toph turns around, grinning, "I didn't die. Obviously, I'm better."

Mai glances up at the mirror, and Sokka can tell she's smiling. Barely, but it's Mai, so it's as good as it gets. 

The car turns a bit too suddenly, and Sokka's at least 50% sure part of him phases into Zuko for a brief second before they right themselves. Zuko looks slightly more uncomfortable than he did before.

"You know that wouldn't happen if you just, I don't know, stayed solid?" Sokka points out, talking a little quieter than everyone else.

"I can't really control it, remember? We're leaving the house." 

Sokka winces, "Alright. You win." 

Zuko squeezes his hand, and Sokka feels better. He feels a little  _ less  _ better when he actually listens to what Toph is playing only to hear One Direction. 

Even Suki seems to agree since she groans, "Toph, turn it down! No one  _ actually  _ likes One Direction."

"I like One Direction!" Aang exclaims from behind the seat.

"Is One Direction a band?" Zuko asks, and something about the way Toph's grin turns downright evil makes Sokka  _ very  _ nervous.

Toph turns in her seat to face them. "I forgot Sparky only knows old shit. And not even the  _ good  _ old shit. Who was even a musician in the 40s or whatever?"

"Frank Sinatra, mostly," Mai offers, "He missed Buddy Holly and Elvis by a year or two."

"Uh. Yeah, sure," Zuko says.

Katara pokes her head up from the back, "He doesn't even know who the Beatles are.  _ Everyone  _ knows them."

Zuko's nose scrunches up, "What kind of name is The Beatles?"

Mai shakes her head and looks through the mirror. "You wouldn't like them. I always thought you'd be a Beach Boys fan, though."

Every word out of someone's mouth seems to confuse Zuko even more, so Sokka leans in and whispers, "Just nod. None of it's really important."

Mai is giving him a very knowing look through the mirror, but he decides to ignore it.

Toph presses a button on her phone, and Sokka hears the first few seconds of "Toxic" blare through the speakers. "Say, Zuko. You ever heard of Britney Spears?"

Soon everyone is screaming along to the lyrics, except for Mai, who looks more likely to crash the car by the second. Zuko ranks it a seven out of ten afterward, which Toph decides is good enough. 

Most of the conversations have died down by the time Zuko shakes Sokka awake. He wasn't asleep, but it was close enough, and he gives Zuko a very stern glare until he sees the look on Zuko's face.

"Oh," he says, rather unhelpfully, watching Zuko flicker in and out like a strobe light. 

"You're the worst, you know that?" Zuko says, sounding a little strained. "What do we do?"

"What's going on?" Toph asks.

Sokka sucks in air through his teeth. "Zuko's gonna poof back to the house here pretty soon."

Mai mutters a curse word and sighs, "I can't pull over. Figure something out, quick!"

Zuko is getting more panicked by the second, " _ Well?  _ Any ideas?"

Everyone is talking over each other, saying mostly gibberish until Suki sits up fully, "Can't ghosts possess shit or something?"

"That's only in movies!" Sokka gestures a little wildly as Zuko takes longer to fade back into view.

Katara groans, "We don't have any other ideas, and I'm pretty sure ghosts, in  _ general _ , are only in movies, Sokka."

Sokka doesn't get to say, "Point made," because Zuko's face goes through what looks like the seven stages of grief, and then Zuko disappears, and all Sokka can feel is  _ cold.  _

Sokka's pretty sure he says, "Shit," but it isn't him that says it. It's his voice that he hears and his face that moves, but he  _ didn't say it.  _

"Uh," Sokka says, and it's actually him this time. "What the fuck is going on."

Suki looks very intrigued, and Katara and Aang seem more confused than anything else. Toph is turning her head wildly between Mai and everyone else in the car.

"No way," Suki breathes, "Did what I think just happened actually happen?"

Mai is staring dead straight through the windshield. "I swear to god, Zuko." It's not clear what  _ exactly  _ she's swearing for, but Sokka gets the message. 

"I didn't do anything!" Sokka hears himself say, and even though he tries to clamp a hand over his own mouth, he can't. His arm stays at his side.

Wait a minute.

There's  _ no  _ way.

Sokka pushes through whatever was keeping him from moving his own body. "You  _ didn't.  _ I didn't even know you could  _ do _ that!"

"You think  _ I  _ knew?!" Not-Sokka exclaims, and Sokka recognizes it as Zuko. Zuko via Sokka's mouth. As in-

What the  _ fuck. _

"Well, you could've warned a guy!" Sokka faintly wonders if it looks silly, a man arguing with himself. He glances at his sister, and, yeah, definitely.

"How many times do I have to say it," Zuko says, and Sokka's honestly having a hard time keeping track, " _ This is news to me, too." _

The entire car feels like it's holding its breath, and Sokka doesn't like the tension. 

Katara pokes her head up from behind the seat, "So, aside from-" she gestures vaguely, "all of this. You're both... fine?"

Sokka and Zuko shrug at the same time, which looks more like a weird dance than anything else, and Sokka says, "Yeah, think so," before Zuko can use his mouth.

Zuko leans them back closer to the window. There are two free seats now, and it's significantly more comfortable. 

Sokka sits up (or tries to, it's more of an aborted attempt at moving that ends up making him bang the back of his head against the car door), "You can't like, read my mind or anything, right?"

"No?" Zuko says, sounding unsure. A few seconds go by, then, "No. Definitely not. Look, I really am sorry about this. I figured you would mind the least out of everyone if it ended up working."

"Ok, you're probably right. Don't worry about it," Sokka says, and Suki starts laughing. "What?"

She catches her breath, "Nothing, really. It's just funny to watch you talk to yourself."

"She's right," Katara admits, and Aang also nods.

Mai shrugs, "Mostly just weird."

Sokka and Zuko don't say much for the rest of the ride. It's tiring, almost, and Sokka's been freezing ever since Zuko disappeared. But Zuko definitely hasn't  _ poofed  _ back to the house, even after they've finally driven all the way into the Upper Ring. 

Suki starts reading directions off her phone, and Mai turns into some neighborhood that looks nearly abandoned. Toph won't stop muttering about how much she hates Ba Sing Se, and Aang keeps ooh-ing and aah-ing out the windows.

The car goes over a bump that nearly knocks Sokka out of his seat and the road changes to gravel. Sokka feels himself take a deep breath as the car comes to a stop. 

The house would've been big, Sokka thinks, if it weren't for the fact that it's trashed. He can see whatever remains of the landscaping, clearly overgrown and unkept even after the fire that probably destroyed it fifty years prior. Whatever color the house used to be is long gone, and the entire place is burnt black and brown. 

The windows are all shattered or boarded up. There's some graffiti Sokka can't make out across one of the doors. The top floor on the left side is partially collapsed, with the roof sunken in.

Mai sighs. "We're here." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know the whole idea of fanfiction is that it's self indulgent but like, this chapter is self indulgent lvl 2.
> 
> also, did you guys know lady and the tramp came out in 1955 or was that just me that had no idea?
> 
> bug me on tumblr im begging @theleftdualdaosword


	11. Firebug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: fairly brief description of a burn

Sokka always thought that Zuko's house being the haunted one wasn't all that surprising. It's tall, dark, and kind of creepy on its own. A little on the nose, honestly. 

Staring at what had once been the second Sozin residence, Sokka thinks Zuko's house isn't so bad. This one's  _ definitely  _ haunted. 

The trunk of the car slams shut as Katara and Aang stand next to him. Suki tugs her jacket on and asks, "Zuko, you've never been here, right?"

"No," Sokka hears himself say, and it's weird how he almost forgot his boyfriend  _ fucking  _ possessed him. "I didn't even know they moved."

"It's my fault they left," Mai says, "I  _ knew  _ you hadn't gotten sick. I think if I'd kept my mouth shut, they would've stuck around."

"It's not really your fault my dad was a paranoid piece of shit," Zuko responds, still looking at the house. "You really think she'll be here?"

No one has to ask who 'she' is. Sokka's not sure if it's  _ his  _ stomach that's churning from nerves or Zuko's, but he knows they're both a little scared. Zuko hasn't seen his sister in actual decades.

She  _ knows  _ what happened to him. 

"I should've brought my ghostbuster costume," Suki says, starting up the driveway toward the house. "Since we're, you know, looking for a ghost."

"Not like any of us forgot," Toph says dryly.

Aang looks a little bit like he'd prefer to forget about it if it means he doesn't have to go in the house, and even Katara seems uneasy. Mai takes off after Suki, and it's as though the entire group exhales.

They're going in, then. 

It must've rained recently because the entire house feels damp and slimy, and maybe Sokka's just biased, but he's  _ really  _ freaked out. 

The inside is worse. Nobody had ever bothered to clean it up after the fire. There's trashed furniture everywhere, and empty cans presumably left there by teenagers litter the floor. Something smells off. There's broken glass from the windows, and Katara has to nudge Toph more to the side to keep her from walking over it.

"Alright," Mai says, sounding more commanding than Sokka's ever heard her, "Split up. If you see her, scream or something. We'll figure it out."

The main floor is pretty big, so everyone splits off into different hallways. Aang trails after Katara and Suki goes after Toph.

"Guess we're upstairs?" Sokka asks.

"Yeah," Zuko says, though he sounds so zoned out that Sokka thinks there's a solid chance he's got no idea what he's agreeing to.

Despite being with Zuko, Sokka feels alone on his way up the stairs. The hallway is long and dark, so Sokka pulls out his phone to turn on the flashlight. One of them is a closet, full of towels coated in who knows what and some boxes with labels Sokka can't read. The words are all either smudged or gone entirely.

Sokka opens the door at the farthest end of the hall. He takes one look at the massive four-poster bed and ridiculous decor before he feels his arm wrench the door shut. Part of the floor had been missing, too.

"No," Zuko says, softly. "That would've been his room." 

Sokka cocks his head, "Whose?"

"My father's." He sounds funny. The inflections and words are all Zuko's, but it's not his voice. Sokka thinks his voice sounds wrong, using Zuko's sort-of accent. He doesn't like it.

"Oh," Sokka says. 

The other door is a guest bedroom, they figure. It doesn't feel like Azula's, according to Zuko, and Sokka doesn't have a reason to not believe him. 

Zuko pushes the fourth door open. "It's just a bathroom."

The mirror is shattered, but not like the windows. Something hit it, or something got thrown at it. On the floor near the bathtub is a hairbrush, burnt black. It's probably silver underneath all the rust. Zuko looks at it for a long time before he says, "I think it was my sister's."

"You want to keep it?" Sokka asks, turning to see what's left of the mirror. 

His reflection is all fractured and cracked, with a big slash through his left eye where he can see through to the backing. His face doesn't look any different, really, Sokka thinks, lifting his chin a bit to get another angle.

"Not really," Zuko finally replies, and  _ wow, it is definitely weird to see your own mouth move without you doing it.  _ He sets the brush on the counter, playing with the sparse bristles. There's a long pause, and Sokka can tell Zuko has something else to say. Eventually, "Do you think she'll know it's me?"

"I-" Sokka stammers a little, "I don't know. I'm sorry."

Sokka watches himself shrug. "I just don't want her to- you know, forget? Like I did?" Then, quieter, "I barely remember what she looks like, and I have pictures. I don't even have my own face right now. No offense."

"None taken," Sokka says, trying to sound at least a little cheerful. He makes eye contact with himself, figuring it's the closest he can get to looking at Zuko right now. "It's not like you can't remember on purpose. And if she doesn't either, we'll just have to remind her. And who knows, maybe ghosts can see right through this. Maybe you'll just look like yourself, and it won't even matter."

Zuko exhales sharply, which Sokka supposes is close enough to a laugh. "Maybe."

"I'd give you a hug if I could," Sokka tells him for no reason other than he wants to, and it's the truth. 

Zuko's-look-that-makes-Sokka-go-weak-in-the-knees is less effective when Sokka's seeing his own face do it, but it's close enough. "Thank you."

It feels better when the bathroom door closes. Less suffocating. Even Zuko seems to feel- well, not necessarily  _ better _ , but more determined. He brings them right up to the door, only pausing when his hand lands on the handle.

Sokka opens it. Waiting won't do them any good. 

Whatever the smell from earlier was is stronger in here. The wallpaper is peeling, and the bed has been stripped of its sheets. The window isn't broken, just boarded up. 

Sokka doesn't have to guess. It's Azula's room. 

He's never been in Azula's other bedroom, the one that hadn't gone up in flames, but he has a feeling it's probably a little nicer than this. Granted, the scorched walls and melted plastic smell aren't doing it any favors, but it feels just  _ off. _

Zuko's lost in thought somewhere, Sokka can tell, so he decides to wander around a bit. The room isn't massive, but it's big enough for a double bed and then some. The closet is empty aside from some boxes, containing nothing but old toddler clothes. There's a lamp on the nightstand that won't turn on anymore  _ (duh) _ and a few mostly burned up papers.

"I thought there'd be more," Zuko says after a while. "But I guess it has been a long time."

Sokka is pretty sure his heart  _ stops  _ when he hears someone scream from somewhere in the house. He hardly has time to gather himself before Zuko tears toward the stairs, almost breaking the railing on his way down. 

They run into Mai in the foyer, she's panting and looks as panicked as Sokka feels. "It's in the basement, come on!"

This time it's Sokka who does the running, following Mai down some other hallway and more stairs. Even the basement is big,  _ shit _ , and after going through what feels like a maze of rooms and low ceilings, they find Katara. 

She's backed against a wall, staring up at-

Oh. Oh  _ shit. _

She's backed against a wall, staring up at Azula. 

Azula, who has a blank expression, and is floating at least a foot off the ground. Disobeying the laws of gravity seems to run in the family, then. 

She's a  _ wreck _ . 

Zuko always looks a little disheveled, with hair that sticks up and a dark circle under his good eye. Like he'd been in a fight a couple hours before.

Azula looks like she  _ is  _ in a fight. Her hair is cut uneven and sticks to her forehead. Tear tracks are going run down her cheeks, though nothing in her eyes makes it seem like she'd been crying. Her dress is limp and a mess. She's burned from her hands to her elbows in red, angry patches.

Not like Zuko is. His burn is a scar. It's healed.

Her arms are cracked and bleeding, as though she'd stuck them into a fire mere seconds before. Sokka knows what the smell is, now. Where her brother smells of smoke and maybe cigarettes, Azula  _ reeks  _ of gasoline.

She really does look  _ just  _ like Zuko.

Sokka suddenly remembers  _ his  _ sister, whipping his head around to see if she's alright. A quick glance up and down tells him she's fine, mostly just startled. Azula is staring at her with some kind of strange curiosity.

The ghost had hardly acknowledged them when they ran into the basement, and Mai is keeping her mouth resolutely shut. Toph, Suki, and Aang barrel down the stairs after what feels like an eternity.

"Holy shit," Suki says.

Even Toph seems nervous, "She's here, then, huh?"

Sokka's forced into taking a step forward, and before he can do anything about it, Zuko says, "Azula? It's me."

Azula blinks out of sight and reappears in front of Sokka, eyes narrowed, just barely. Aang gasps somewhere behind him, and out of the corner of his eye, he can see Katara rush over with the rest of the group. 

"Azula." Zuko sounds a little desperate. "It's  _ me _ ."

Sokka has to resist the urge to stop breathing. Everything smells like gasoline. It's gotten colder, too, and he can see his breath in front of him. 

Azula cocks her head, and even more of her hair falls into her face. Mai ushers the others a little closer to the steps, which does nothing but make Sokka more nervous.

"I know I don't look like me," Zuko says, "And honestly neither do you, but I promise. It's me, Zuko? Your brother?"

What if she  _ doesn't  _ remember? Sokka had been talking out of his ass in the bathroom. This whole thing could very well be a disaster.

Sokka's not sure he wants to die at the hands of his boyfriend's sister, but he supposes he wouldn't really have a choice.

Suddenly Sokka feels like he's being shoved out of his own head. Not entirely, just out of the way, and the next time Zuko opens his mouth to talk, he sounds like himself.

"Azula," Zuko says in his own voice, and something in Azula's expression changes. "You remember me, right? I'm sorry I left."

She reaches a blistered, bloody hand up, stopping just short of Sokka's face, as though she'd meant to touch his cheek.

"I didn't mean to." Zuko keeps talking, and Sokka has a feeling it's just to fill the silence. For someone who came all the way here to look for ghosts, Sokka's not so sure it's a good thing they found one. "Are you alright?"

The question's dumb. One look at Azula makes it clear that she's  _ not  _ ok and probably hasn't been for however long she's haunted this house.

Azula opens her mouth, but all that comes out is a strangled, hoarse noise that could've been a name if she'd managed to get it out properly. The hand near Sokka's face moves to grab at her throat, and she suddenly looks fifteen, scared and hurt.

Sokka thinks he can feel himself crying. It must be Zuko.

"Oh, Azula," Mai mumbles, and Sokka can hear the tightness in her voice.

Azula perks her head up and turns to Mai, who looks very much like she wants to go home. After a long, silent moment, Azula nods once, almost stern. 

She vanishes and appears near the wall across the room, her hand raised to knock against the wall. Azula knocks, pausing and starting again, getting more desperate as she goes on. Her hand must hurt, Sokka thinks faintly. 

She lets out another broken, harsh sound and half-rolls her eyes. Something about it lessens the tension in the room. She glares at Sokka, though he has a feeling it's meant for her brother.

It startles Zuko into action, "Oh.  _ Oh. _ Wait, start it again." 

She knocks again, and Zuko mutters under her breath as she does it. Suki 

"What'd she say?" Aang asks quietly, and even though Toph elbows him, she also looks like she wants to know.

"Yeah," Zuko says, glancing at the group for a moment. "I am. I'm safe."

Azula's shoulders relax, and it's only then that Sokka notices how tense she'd been. Azula appears in front of him again, pointing square at Sokka, though she looks less like she's looking  _ through  _ him and more  _ at  _ him. Something in her face reminds Sokka of Katara's know-it-all grin. 

She raises one eyebrow, and Sokka feels his face heat up. "Shut up," Zuko says, "It's none of your business." It's weird. Zuko and Azula are normal siblings, capable of having a conversation based entirely on funny looks and body language. It makes his chest ache.

Her smile falls, and Sokka thinks she might start crying. Azula drops to the ground, long enough to tap out something else Sokka can't understand and then she's pulling him into a desperate hug.

Zuko says, "I love you, too," and then Sokka can't see anything. 

He must've blacked out or something because when Sokka opens his eyes again, Azula is gone, and he's being held up by Suki. 

"What the  _ fuck, _ dude?" Suki demands, glaring down at him. "Is Zuko still in there?"

"Yeah," Zuko says, and he's apparently gone back to using Sokka's voice instead of his own.

Sokka groans, "What happened? She hugged you and then...?"

"Azula disappeared," Mai says, "I think this time for good. The house doesn't feel so..."

She trails off, but Sokka knows what she means. It feels lighter and less suffocating. Like it can finally relax.

"I saw it," Zuko says suddenly, "How she died, or close enough."

Now that Zuko mentions it, Sokka vaguely remembers something like that, but he can't grab onto any of the details. "How long were we knocked out?"

"Only a few seconds," Suki says, "Can you stand? I can't hold you up forever."

Zuko gets them to their feet, nearly falling over before finally balancing out. "She started it. The fire."

"Why?" Mai asks, though she says it like she knows the answer

"They were in his office, I think? There was a fireplace, at least. Azula told him that she knew what he did to me, and then he said it was her fault." Zuko runs a hand through Sokka's hair, pulling it out of its tie. 

Sokka can't find it in himself to be irritated right now.

"How's it her fault?" Katara's arms are crossed, and she still looks a bit shaken up.

Zuko shrugs, "My father said she told him something. Neither of them ever said what."

"Hmm," Suki frowns. "What was all that tapping for? Do you know morse code or something?"

"Uh, yeah, actually," Zuko says, "We used it when we were kids for games and stuff. I didn't think I remembered any of it until she started." He sounds relieved

"Can we go home?" Toph asks loudly. "No offense Sparky, but this place still freaks me out, and I think Mai's right."

Zuko nods. He feels a little sad, but not enough that Sokka wants to bring it up in front of everyone. They'll talk later.

The car ride back is quiet, with half the car asleep. Katara holds Sokka's hand over the back of the seat until her arm goes numb. Toph keeps the music at a lower volume and doesn't play anything too exciting.

As soon as they get close enough to the house, Sokka goes cold all over, and when he blinks away the fogginess, Zuko is sitting next to him. 

Sokka's  _ really  _ tired, he realizes, now that he's himself again. Zuko hugs him, hard, as soon as he gets his bearings. It's freezing, but not like Azula's hug. This one is comforting.

"That was weird," Sokka says into Zuko's hair.

Zuko nods and says, "I'm not doing that again," and, for whatever reason, the sound of Zuko's voice coming from his own mouth makes Sokka feel infinitely better.

"If you two are done making out back there," Toph says, and Mai makes a noise partway between a gasp and a snort, "I propose we get fast food on the way back. We deserve it."

Zuko's face is red, but he doesn't look particularly bothered by Toph's accusation. 

The rest of the car agrees, and a half-hour later, Sokka is eating his McDonald's fries with his head resting on Zuko's shoulder. 

He looks up at Zuko and says, "You look just like her, still," because it's suddenly very important to him that Zuko knows that. Knows that whatever happened to him didn't take that away. He's still his sister's brother, his mother's son. Zuko's father doesn't deserve him, Sokka thinks, they don't need to be anything to each other. 

Zuko seems to understand. "Thank you," he whispers, just loud enough for Sokka to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if anyone is curious as to what firebug means, it's slang for arsonist or pyromaniac. firebug was actually almost the name for the whole fic! i eventually decided on pyromania instead, but my planning google doc still has the old name at the top.
> 
> i'm on tumblr if you wanna chat: @theleftdualdaosword


	12. Torch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry about the azula thing. it had to be done.

"Are you seriously that cold?" Zuko asks, lifting his head from where it's bent over the armrest.

They're on the sofa, Sokka laying between Zuko's legs with his phone in his hand. And, yeah, maybe Sokka _ is _ that cold, but it doesn't matter. He's still comfy. "Don't worry about it."

Sokka can't see, but he'd bet money that Zuko's nose scrunches up. "You sure?"

"You heard me." Sokka puts his phone down and crosses his arms, "Unless  _ you _ want me to move?"

"No, no," Zuko says, sounding a little urgent. "Definitely not."

Sokka keeps his smirk to himself. It doesn't take much to fluster Zuko, especially when it's just the two of them, for some reason. "Alright, then."

It's back to easy silence after that, Sokka occasionally lifting his phone to show Zuko a joke he knows the ghost won't get. 

( _ "No, look, it's like, he doesn't like the first thing, but in the second one, he thinks it's fine. That's why the picture's different." _

_ "Sokka, I have no  _ fucking  _ idea what you're talking about.") _

Another hour goes by, and Sokka is pretty sure Zuko's dozed off when Zuko asks, "You still have my journal, right?"

Sokka's heart stops for a beat, "Yeah, uh. You told me to hang onto it. I didn't look through it again or anything, though." He didn't, he really didn't. As soon as he'd gone home, Sokka had tucked it away somewhere and forgotten about it.

"I'm not worried about that, ok?" Zuko says, "Really, I'm not. I think you felt bad enough."

"Still kinda do," Sokka mumbles.

Zuko snorts, "I appreciate it."

"Why do you ask?" Sokka tilts his head back to look at Zuko, albeit upside down. "Do you want it?"

"I- Yes? Maybe?" Zuko says, stammering, "I don't really want to read  _ all  _ of it, but I don't know. I guess I want to see the stuff about my sister."

Sokka stops himself from wincing, but barely. Not a lot of it was about Azula, and the stuff that was didn't  _ really  _ depict a loving sibling relationship.

"I know she and I weren't close then, but I just miss her, I guess," Zuko says, "It's kind of stupid-"

"No, it's not," Sokka sits up and turns to face Zuko, who looks a little startled. "It's  _ not, _ ok? It's normal to miss her. I was sort of worried when you didn't really say anything about it. You're not weird or anything. You just- You  _ lost _ someone, alright? The situation was kind of weird, sure, but that doesn't mean it didn't  _ happen _ ."

"Uhm," Zuko says. "I- yeah. I don't know. She and I just never talked, and then all of a sudden-"

"You don't have to feel one way about it," Sokka points out gently. "It can be confusing. The whole situation's pretty fucked up, you know that, right?"

Zuko pauses, "Of course I do," but the way he says it implies that maybe he didn't  _ really know.  _

Nobody says anything for a long moment, but then eventually, Sokka puts his phone in his pocket. "We can go grab it. It's at my house, and it's not like anybody's home except Katara."

"Oh," Zuko says, looking a little excited, "Yeah, alright. I've never been to your house before."

Sokka shrugs, "Not really on purpose. You've got this huge house that basically  _ no one  _ lives in. I don't think it's super weird you and I hang out here." Zuko can't really argue with that. 

Opening his front door, Sokka realizes he's kind of nervous. He doesn't really know why. Objectively his house is better than Zuko's, on account of the fact that people live there and  _ isn't  _ covered in a sixty-year-old layer of dust.

(Apparently, Izumi had come by to clean up, according to Zuko, once she learned that people had been over. Zuko said it was weird.)

Sokka watches out of the corner of his eye as Zuko looks around with vague confusion. It makes sense, Sokka reasons. The TV is probably different than Zuko is used to, and the kitchen must seem ridiculous, and  _ God, Zuko doesn't think I have shit taste, right? Everything was funny colors in the 50's it's not my fault. _

His backpack is waiting for him at the end of the banister, and Sokka digs around inside trying to find the journal. "Hmm," he says after a moment, "Must've put it upstairs. I'll be right back."

Zuko hums some sort of acknowledgment, and Sokka turns to take the stairs two at a time. He can hear Katara playing something in her room and almost goes in to say hello before shaking his head.

His desk drawer is half-open already, so Sokka doesn't have to pull it out much farther to rummage around. There's a knock on his doorframe when he pulls the journal out.

Katara is standing there, and Sokka thinks back to the last time she caught him with Zuko's things and got mad at him. "Before you say anything, Zuko's downstairs and asked me to grab it."

"Wait, what?" Katara sputters until she sees what he's holding. "Oh. Alright, then, I guess. I wanted to talk to you, but if Zuko's here..."

Sokka shrugs, "I don't think he'll mind. He was kind of inspecting the TV when I left him."

Katara smiles a little, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. "It's about the same thing as last time?"

Ah, yes. The last big Sibling Talk. Sokka thinks about asking her if it can wait, not because he doesn't want to talk about it, but because Sibling Talks can take a  _ while. _

But Sokka had sort of been expecting this ever since they came back from Ba Sing Se. Katara wanted to know what happened to ghosts when you solved the mystery. They'd found out.

Sokka had been trying not to think about it.

"We know now," Katara says, quietly, "I just- Have you talked about it?"

"No," Sokka tells her. There's no point in lying, "Not really."

She chews her lip, looking at the floor. "Do you think you will?"

"I don't know."

Katara gives a halfhearted snort, "How did I know?" Sokka thinks she might be angry, but she mostly just seems sad. "I think you two will be alright," she says, though Sokka isn't sure she really believes it.

She gives him a tight smile and disappears back to his room. Sokka goes slowly down the stairs and hears a door click shut somewhere downstairs.

Now that he thinks about it, he heard the garage at some point during his conversation with Katara. His dad must be home.

Wait. 

Oh,  _ shit _ . 

"You must be Sokka's  _ friend _ ," Dad says from the kitchen, and Sokka can practically  _ hear  _ his eyebrows wiggle. "Very nice to meet you."

Sokka dashes into the kitchen, slowing down only when his father gives him a funny look over Zuko's shoulder.

"Uh," Zuko blanks, "Nice to meet you too, sir."

Of course Zuko would call Hakoda 'sir.' Sokka has to keep himself from groaning when he notices that Zuko is hovering about an inch off the ground.

"Dad," Sokka says, sounding a little too cheery. He puts his hand on Zuko's shoulder,  _ hard,  _ and pushes him down to the ground. "I didn't realize you'd come home."

Hakoda gives him a very knowing look, "I get off work the same time every day, Sokka."

"I think you just surprised him, is all," Zuko cuts in, elbowing Sokka. 

Sokka elbows him right back. Two can play at that game. "We just came to grab something for, uh, a school project. We're going back to Zuko's."

Zuko flickers and Sokka prays his Dad doesn't notice. 

"You have classes together, then?" Hakoda asks, and even if Sokka loves his father, he's  _ not  _ really feeling it right now.

"Yes, sir," Zuko says, "I, uh. Go to school. Definitely."

Sokka doesn't like Zuko either anymore, he thinks. 

Zuko says, "Yes, sir," again, and it only then occurs to Sokka that he's  _ nervous _ .

Hakoda seems to like Zuko, at least, as if that makes Sokka feel better. He glances up the stairs to see Katara stifling some laughter. Sokka sticks his tongue out.

He hates everyone.

Katara disappears back up the stairs,  _ thank God,  _ and a few moments later, Sokka hears some sort of crash. "Dad!" his little sister shouts, "I need your help with something."

Sokka's tempted to run up there and hug her, declare her the best sister anyone could ask for because then Dad sighs before going to find whatever disaster Katara has staged.

Zuko lets out a breath he must've been holding (as though he even needs to breathe) as soon as it's just the two of them in the kitchen.

"You're a mess," Sokka says matter of factly. 

Zuko glares, " _ You  _ said he wouldn't be home! This isn't my fault!"

Alright, yeah. Sokka knows that Zuko has a point, but he doesn't really feel like admitting it, so he grabs Zuko's hand and laces their fingers together in the way that always makes Zuko shortcircuit and walks them over to the front door. 

"Bye, Dad!" Sokka yells and immediately shuts the door behind them, and Zuko snorts.

"I personally think I made a good impression," Zuko says.

"Of course you did. You're all old and weird and have impeccable manners. You called him sir, like, I think he'll want me to marry you."

"I think there's a death certificate or something we need to get rid of first," Zuko says, "And maybe the issue of being underage forever."

Sokka suddenly feels a little uneasy. Not about the first part, though. He was joking, mostly, and if anything, the idea of getting  _ married  _ to  _ Zuko _ makes him blush a bit. The second part. The death certificate and young forever.

Maybe Katara was right. Maybe they  _ do  _ need to talk about it.

"Hey," Sokka says, interrupting whatever Zuko had been rambling about, "Do you- Do you think that-"

Zuko stops walking  _ (or, well, floating)  _ and turns back to face him. "Do I what?"

Sokka is rapidly losing his nerve. "Azula. Do you think that's... normal?"

"What are you talking about?" Zuko asks, looking worried. 

"You know," Sokka gestures vaguely, trying to ignore the lump forming in his throat, "The part where she just... poofed?"

"Oh," Zuko says, quiet. 

"Yeah," Sokka says, feeling a bit dumb. "I don't expect you to know or have like, some magic answer or whatever. I just thought I should ask."

Because Zuko might be next. Because Zuko might disappear, probably forever, and Sokka thinks  _ he  _ might die if that happens, and he doesn't really want to think about it too hard because then that would be two of Sokka's, uh,  _ romantic interests  _ that left him (even though it's never,  _ ever,  _ been on purpose), and something about that is  _ so  _ fucking scary.

"I don't know," Zuko says eventually, and he looks as distressed about it as Sokka feels, and that's comforting, for some reason.

"Okay," Sokka replies. They're standing in front of the house three doors down from Zuko's. It's cold, and Sokka has to keep himself from shivering. "Okay."

"I'm sorry," Zuko says, "I don't think she got to choose. I don't want to do that."

Sokka grabs Zuko's hand again. "We don't have to think about it. I know we probably should, but... I'm tired."

That almost gets a laugh from Zuko. "Me too. Wanna go take a really long nap instead?"

"You realize you can sleep, and suddenly it's the only thing you ever want to do," Sokka says, grateful for the subject change. The journal is still heavy in his hand, but he thinks it can wait for later. 

"Imagine not sleeping for sixty years. You'd be pretty fucking jazzed to do it again, alright?"

Sokka can't fall asleep again, but Zuko does almost as soon as they get back inside and comfortable. 

They don't get around to the journal again until the next day when Sokka comes over after school. 

"Do you still want to go through it?" Sokka asks as nonchalantly as possible. 

"Uh," Zuko says, "Yeah? Can you just... tell me about parts before I read them?"

Sokka hands the journal to him. "Yeah, sure. At least my snooping's good for something."

Zuko snorts, but it sounds strained. He stares down at his lap, not quite moving to open the book.

"The first few entries are mostly about Jet and stuff. I think the very first one is the only one that mentions your sister for a bit," Sokka tells him, once again pretty pissed with himself that he read it in the first place.

Zuko nods, and Sokka can see his eyes jump around, turning pages every so often. After a long pause, "God, I really only talked about Jet, huh?"

Zuko's face is tinged a bit red, and Sokka decides not to mention it. He was with people before Zuko, too. It's not weird. Not weird to be talking about his boyfriend's ex. 

"Maybe a little bit," Sokka manages. 

"Oh," Zuko says to no one in particular. Sokka leans over a bit, just enough to see the date on the page. December 11th. Sokka sucks in a breath, he remembers that one. He'd thought about it for days. 

Zuko's father had hit him,  _ again _ , apparently, and the way Zuko's face twists up just reading it makes his chest hurt.

"Your dad is a piece of shit," Sokka says, with no room for argument, "And if your sister hadn't already taken care of it, I'd kill him myself."

"Mai said the same thing, actually," Zuko looks up for a moment, "Practically verbatim."

Sokka leans back, staring up at the ceiling while Zuko reads. 

Azula had taken care of it a long,  _ long  _ time ago. She wanted to make up for something, it was clear enough in the note, and whatever weird memory thing Zuko had seen before she vanished.

She never said  _ what,  _ though.

It was apparently her fault  _ (Sokka doesn't believe that for a second) _ , and whatever she'd done had cost her brother his life.

Even Zuko doesn't seem to know, Sokka thinks. 

"When's the last entry?" Zuko asks, and it takes Sokka a moment to realize that he's being spoken to.

"Oh, uh," Sokka tries to remember, "April? Late April, I think. It's mostly about Jet, too, if you want to read it."

"April 26th," Zuko reads aloud, "The same day."

Sokka is almost stupid enough to ask,  _ "The same day as what?"  _ when he remembers the graveyard. Zuko's headstone only had his name and dates. 

Did Zuko know, then, when he was writing in his diary, that the next few hours were his last ones?

"Someone saw us," Zuko says, and Sokka remembers that from the entry because he had fallen asleep thinking about it. "Someone saw Jet and me behind the school. I thought he was just being paranoid but-"

"Do you think whoever it was said something?" Sokka asks, "Is that why you got in trouble?"

Zuko shrugs. "Maybe. I don't know who would've even-" He stops and holds the journal closer to his face, as though that will make it easier to understand. "I wasn't someone worth following around. Azula kept an eye on me, but she was my sister, and that seems pretty normal to me."

"What?" Sokka says.

Zuko shrugs, "She was always trying to catch me when I skipped class or whatever. I guess she wanted to tell our dad before I could come up with a good excuse."

"You've never been very good at lying on the fly," Sokka points out, trying to lighten the mood.

"I don't know who would have seen us and then decided to go tell my  _ father, _ " Zuko's thinking out loud, "Maybe other students or something, but no one would go straight to my dad like that."

No one would go straight to Zuko's father. Not unless they were  _ trying  _ to get him in trouble. 

Sokka opens his mouth once or twice before saying, "And you don't think- you don't think Azula would have told him if she saw you?"

"No, no," Zuko says, sounding maybe just a bit hysterical, "She wouldn't have even  _ known  _ that was something worth telling him. We just... never talked about things like that. It's not like she went to my dad and told him I'm  _ gay _ ."

"Then why'd he kill you?" Sokka demands and immediately feels bad about it. Zuko can't fucking  _ remember _ . Zuko knows just as much as Sokka does.

"He must've put it together, or, or  _ something  _ because Azula and I might not have gotten along, but she wouldn't do  _ that,"  _ Zuko runs a hand through his hair, and Sokka wishes it was fifteen minutes ago when they were doing nothing but lazing on the couch. "She wouldn't. You have to believe me, Azula was never like  _ that _ ."

"I believe you," Sokka says. "This is all just-"

"Bad," Zuko finishes.

" _ Bad  _ isn't really the word I would use."

Sokka flips through the journal again, turning pages and scanning lines. The last half of the book is empty, but he still thumbs through every last page, just in case. There has to be  _ more.  _ That can't be all of it. If that's everything they get, then that's not  _ fair _ .

Something flutters out from between two pages and onto the floor. 

Neither of them moves to grab it.

"What's that?" Zuko asks.

"No idea," Sokka answers. "It was crammed all the way in the back. I didn't put it there."

Slowly, Zuko reaches out a picks it up. "Oh," he whispers.

"What is it?" Sokka says, praying he doesn't sound too nervous.

"It's a letter," Zuko replies quietly. "I think it's from my uncle."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> place your final bets, everybody.
> 
> tumblr @theleftdualdaosword


	13. Ashes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's short but also important so go wild, boys

"It's from my uncle," Zuko says again, softer, definitely just to himself.

Sokka's brow furrows. "Who's it to?"

"Me." There's a long silence, then, "The date's after I died. After Azula did, too."

Sokka moves next to Zuko so he can see.

It's right there at the top, _March 19th, 1956,_ in handwriting that manages to be soft and confident at the same time, with a little smudge on the last number.

"What's it say?" Sokka asks because it's taking a lot of energy to keep his eyes above the rest of the letter, and he's had enough of reading things he's not supposed to.

"Can you read it?" Zuko says suddenly. His grip is wrinkling the edges of the paper.

"You sure?"

" _No,_ " Zuko breathes out, almost laughing. He sounds a little hysterical, "But. I can't explain _why,_ but it seems less scary if you see it first."

"Okay," Sokka says, "Okay," giving Zuko room to take it back if he wants to. "Were you two close?"

Zuko doesn't quite meet his eyes, staring just off to the left, clearly a bit zoned out. "Yeah. We were."

Sokka waits for Zuko to say something, or really anything else, but after thirty long seconds, he gets the idea. 

"Nephew," Sokka starts, glancing at Zuko to gauge a reaction. He thinks Zuko's hand might've twitched, but not enough for him to be sure. "If I could go back and make sure none of this ever happened, I would. I failed you. We all did."

_(Sometimes sixty years ago, Iroh comes home. He's still in all white, tears dried on his face._

_((His brother hadn't cried. Not once.))_

_Lu Ten had driven him home and told him to get some sleep, "It's been a long weekend, Dad. You need it."_

_Iroh goes to bed. He doesn't sleep for a long time.)_

"I'd never met your friends before," Sokka keeps reading, "I hope you knew that they loved you."

_(Mai's hand hurts. Ty Lee hasn't let go of it for what feels like the entire weekend. She's been the loudest. They were all screaming when they first found out, but Ty Lee had kept it up the longest._

_"It's not fair," Ty Lee says, wiping under her eyes desperately. "This isn't fair."_

_"No," Mai says because it's the truth. "It's not." Her hair is dirty, and she knows she looks like a mess. She can't find it in herself to care._

_There's still mascara stains from two days before, when her mother had come into her room looking pale, saying, "Something's happened, darling," with a sort of finality that made Mai's heart stop._

_The only one who would ever be brave enough to point it out to her is gone. Dead, cold, and about to be six feet under._

_Jet chokes out something Mai can't understand, so she grabs his hand, too, since Zuko isn't there to do it himself.)_

Sokka stops when he feels Zuko drop his head on his shoulder. He's not reading the letter, still staring off at the wall. "Do I keep going?"

"Yeah," Zuko says, sounding pretty rough, honestly. "It's just. Weird. To hear about it all like that. I guess I didn't realize there was anything _after_ , you know? I woke up too late to see any of it."

"Would you have wanted to?" Sokka asks, trying to seem purely curious, which he supposes he is. 

Zuko missed everyone reacting to his absence, and Sokka isn't sure that it was an entirely terrible thing. 

"I don't know."

Sokka sticks his face in Zuko's hair for a second or two, just as some sort of reassurance, before turning back to the paper. 

"I told your sister to take care of herself."

_(Zuko had been fine the last time she saw him. Maybe he's at home, waiting for her, and he'll laugh and tell her it was all a joke._

_Azula isn't stupid._

_Her mother had left her when she was nine. At least she'd said goodbye. At least she'd told Azula she loved her.)_

"She didn't," Zuko mumbles.

Sokka's chest feels tight. "It's not your fault."

Zuko sits up again and crosses his arms. "I know that! I'm not an idiot. I know that." The more he says it, the less and less sure he sounds. "I know it isn't my fault."

Sokka gives Zuko an _'are you serious?'_ look, and Zuko frowns. "We don't have to read it," Sokka says, trying to sound matter of fact.

"I think we sort of do," Zuko tries to sound sarcastic, but it doesn't quite land, and he sounds more strained than anything else.

"Anway, there's more," Sokka elbows Zuko gently, which manages to get him a small smile for his efforts. He looks back down at the letter, "Your sister left me some of your things, and I'll admit I looked through them."

"Oh, god," Zuko mutters, "The box. He read my _diary."_

Sokka has to admit that 'Oh, god,' is a pretty reasonable reaction to that sort of revelation. "It gets worse: I wish that boy and I could've met under better circumstances. You spoke highly of him."

_("Have you made any friends this year?" Iroh asks, setting down his teacup._

_Zuko shrugs. "I still hang out with Mai and Ty Lee, mostly. But there is this boy I'm friends with, too. He's sort of loud, but I think you'd like him."_

_Iroh doesn't miss the smile that almost forms on his nephew's face. "He sounds very nice. Is he a new student?"_

_"No," Zuko says, looking out the window, "We'd just never really spoken before. We met at the homecoming game.")_

"Oh _god,"_ Zuko says again, hiding his face in his hands. "Why are so many people insistent on reading my shit? Is it so difficult to just _not?"_

"You don't think Azula read it?" Sokka asks no one in particular. "If she had this all first."

Zuko groans, "I _fucking hope not,_ oh my god that'd be ridicu-" Zuko stops, and his brow furrows. "She blamed herself- in her note."

"I thought that was because she told your dad?" Sokka's not sure what Zuko is getting at. 

"Listen, I hate my father as much as the rest of you, but he wouldn't have killed me because I skipped class," Zuko explains like that's the most normal sentence in the world. "Azula told him _something_ , but I don't know. Maybe she didn't really realize what she'd told him until afterward?"

"I guess," Sokka says slowly, "I'm gonna keep reading, okay?"

Zuko just nods, clearly thinking about something else. 

"Your mother would like him, too, I think. I don't think my brother told her about you. She would've heard about your sister in the news." 

_(She clicks the TV off. She'd sat and watched them run the story three times now. She didn't need to see it again._

_They hadn't mentioned Zuko. She knew why._

_"I put Kiyi down for the night," Noren tells her from the doorway. He looks worried, but Ursa doesn't care, she realizes._

_Her daughter is asleep in the other room. Her_ other _daughter._

_Her only daughter, now._

_She wonders, a little absently, if Azula had thought of her. Ursa is smart. She left that house for a reason. What happened to her children is no mystery._

_((She'd planned on going back for them, she really had.))_

_Now they're both gone. They'd never even met their sister.)_

"She really would have liked him, too," Zuko says. "My uncle must not have been able to find her if she had to hear it from the news."

Sokka has a feeling he's not really meant to respond to that, so he decides to just keep reading. "Your sister did it for you, though I didn't understand why until now."

_("I know what happened to my brother," Azula says_

_"Then you also know it was your fault," her father says without looking up._

_Azula doesn't deny it. She's not stupid, as much as her father would like her to be, so she says, "Mother made me promise to take care of him."_

_"Your mother is gone, Azula." Then, he adds, maybe just to upset her, "She didn't love you, so she left."_

_Azula thinks of the shattered mirror upstairs and the cut on her cheek from the glass. "She loved me," she grips the doorway so hard her knuckles turn white. "You_ never _did. You hurt Zuko. You hurt me."_

_Ozai is still flipping through papers on his desk._

_He won't even_ fucking _look at her, so Azula pulls the box of matches from her sleeve._

_She takes a deep breath._

_She wonders if Zuko was scared. If her mother regretted leaving._

_If her father, a very long time ago, looked at his children and thought they were good enough.)_

"Just finish it," Zuko says when Sokka pauses. 

Sokka thinks about it. If maybe it's for the best they don't know. If it's for the best that Zuko doesn't have to hear it. But then he remembers how long sixty years must be when you're all alone.

"Nothing you did was wrong," Sokka reads, "I hope you knew that. There's nothing wrong with loving someone, nephew."

_("Your sister said you weren't in class," his father says from his desk._

_Zuko tries to keep himself from panicking, "I was skipping."_

_"She said she saw you with a boy."_

_Zuko's never been very good at lying, so he thinks sticking close to the truth is his best bet. "He's in a couple of my classes. We're friends."_

_His father meets Zuko's eyes, and something about the way he's looking at him makes Zuko nauseous. "You think I haven't noticed, then?")_

"She did tell him," Zuko says, barely above a whisper.

"Zuko," Sokka tries, but Zuko's already starting to spiral.

"She told him, even if she didn't mean to, and then he must have _already known_ or something so he decided to just-" it's too much to say out loud, apparently, because Zuko stumbles before moving on, "And Azula must have gotten my journal and _read it_ because I don't know how else she would've figured it out and that made her..."

"She did it for you," Sokka says. "Do you think that's why the mirror was broken in that bathroom?"

Zuko whirls around again, not listening to Sokka. "How come everyone knows except me? And you all don't count, I mean everyone _else._ I know, now, right? But I don't. Everyone else can remember it and what happened, but not me."

"Do you really want to?" Sokka asks, "I mean, obviously not remembering what happened isn't _good,_ but do you really want to remember, like, _dying?"_

"I don't _know,"_ Zuko says, desperate, "I just wish I knew. I can't even remember it, but I have to walk around with it on my _face,_ it just doesn't seem _fair_."

"You were a kid," Sokka says. "Still are, sort of. In that ways that matter, anyway."

"I don't blame Azula," Zuko says, almost seeming sure of himself. "She couldn't of known, and she was a kid, too."

Zuko sits back down next to Sokka, still looking a little shaken up. The smoke smell Sokka hadn't even noticed starts to fade. Is he supposed to say something? Sokka doesn't know what to do in this situation like, _at all_.

After a moment or two of quiet, Sokka grabs Zuko's hand, "Do you want to tell the others?"

"Yeah," Zuko sighs, almost sounding relieved. "Maybe not today, though?" 

Sokka nods. "It's up to you."

"Then _definitely_ not today."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not a super fan of the ending of this chapter tbh but I've been staring at it for a week so 
> 
> also, sorry not sorry :)
> 
> tumblr @theleftdualdaosword


	14. Snuffed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i added a tag or two with last week's update, if you hadn't already seen
> 
> tw: referenced/implied child abuse

(Sokka wishes he could go back to the beginning. Sokka wishes he'd seen this coming. Sokka wishes a lot of things.)

They don't tell anyone about the letter until two days later. Zuko wanted to think about it. Sokka was putting it off.

It's not that he doesn't want answers or anything. It's just that every time he thinks about telling people and finishing this, he thinks of Azula's hug and her tapped out  _ 'I love you'  _ before she disappeared.

It's probably selfish of him, but Sokka doesn't even want to entertain the idea of saying goodbye. 

Sokka pretends to act totally calm when Zuko tells him, "We should show it to them. I think I can do it now."

Katara must notice, because when everyone is finally crammed in the living room at Zuko's, she gives him a sympathetic smile and squeezes his hand.

And then Zuko explains it. All of it.

"It was Azula," he says, "She didn't mean to, but it was her."

Nobody looks like they're  _ pleased  _ with the news, but Mai looks like she might be sick.

"I should've-" she starts and then stops, and then Zuko shakes his head. Mai has her hands in her lap. "Of course she didn't mean to. She was fourteen."

"You couldn't have done anything," Zuko is quiet, and Sokka wonders if he's trying to convince himself. 

Zuko explains the letter and what happened and who did what, and Sokka doesn't really want to think about it all again, so he stares straight ahead and tries to tune it out. 

(Sokka wishes things were different now. Sokka wishes they'd been different then.)

He can't tune it out, though, because Toph asks, "Why are you still here? If we figured it out, then shouldn't you have, like, moved on or whatever?"

Sokka sort of wants to get angry at her. Ask her  _ 'what kind of question is that?'  _ and tell her that they don't have to think about it. But he knows she's right. 

Zuko shrugs a little halfheartedly. "I don't know."

"Where are you?" Katara asks. "Your bo- You said you weren't in the graveyard." Sokka knows what she's trying to say. He doesn't really blame her for not being able to get it out properly.

Zuko blanks.

"I don't know," he says again. "I don't even really know  _ where  _ I died. I mean, this house, right? But it could've been the kitchen or in here or  _ anywhere." _

Aang had gotten kind of quiet when Zuko explained everything. He didn't really look as though he wanted to contribute now, either.

"We can think about it," Suki says, sounding timid in a way that makes Sokka wildly uncomfortable because when has Suki ever been timid about anything? "We'll figure it out."

Aang mumbles an agreement, and Toph nods resolutely. 

They spend an hour just talking. Talking about  _ literally  _ anything else, and it's awkward and weird, but it makes Sokka feel better.

Mai stands up. "I'm going home. Sokka, can you come help move something in my car for me?"

Sokka would rather die, actually, but he's not going to say  _ no _ , she's an old woman, for god's sake. Mai is nice enough, really. But Sokka's never been able to shake the feeling that she hates him. 

Zuko gives Sokka a weird look as he goes out the door after Mai, and all Sokka can do is shrug. 

As soon as he gets outside and the door closes behind him, Mai turns around and says, "Kid. You need to stop that."

"Stop what?" Sokka asks, because he genuinely has no idea what she's talking about. He gets the feeling that there isn't actually anything he has to move in her car.

"The thing you're doing where you say goodbye to him before he's even gone," Mai sounds almost impatient. "You're going to regret it later."

"What?"

"You're acting like he's already disappeared. Look, kid, I get it," she takes a deep breath and suddenly seems a lot less scary. "It's shitty, knowing that they're probably going to be gone, I know it is. But he  _ isn't  _ gone. __ So stop sulking around where he can see you, alright?"

Sokka hasn't been scolded by an old woman since he and Katara moved to Omashu.

He kind of missed it.

It's easier to think about  _ that  _ than it is to think about what she had actually told him. 

"You do actually need to say something back to me," Mai says. 

"I thought you didn't have any kids," Sokka replies, because he  _ really  _ doesn't want to think about what she said, and he wants to know. These are some Grandma-level scolding skills.

Mai frowns. "No. I don't. I've got two nieces, though, and that's close enough.  _ Do you understand what I am telling you? _ "

"Yeah," Sokka sighs. He knows she's right. "I appreciate it, really. But I don't want to talk about it."

Mai snorts. "When will you?"

"Probably never," Sokka says as conversationally as possible. If he pisses her off enough, maybe she'll drop it. Maybe she'll leave him alone.

(Sokka wishes he'd listened.)

"It's going to be different for you," Mai points out.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Even if Toph didn't say anything, Zuko did. I know you and him are together," Mai says. "It's not my business. We aren't in school anymore, and you aren't Jet."

He knows she doesn't mean anything by it, but it still sort of stings.

"But that's what I mean. They may all be friends with him, but. It's- it's going to be different," she seems like she's trying to be reassuring or comforting or  _ something _ , but Sokka kind of wants her to stop talking. "You're going to wish you hadn't spent so much time mourning someone who hasn't even died yet."

(Sokka does wish. He wishes  _ so much _ .)

He wonders if she's speaking from experience. He doesn't ask. Sokka was raised with more manners than that.

"Ok," he says. Mai narrows her eyes slightly before nodding.

She mumbles something that sounds like,  _ "Zuko has a type,"  _ and rounds to the driver's side door of the car. 

Sokka doesn't spend much time standing outside afterward. 

Mai's weird intervention was uncalled for, but Sokka knows she's right. 

Everyone else leaves, too. Suki says she has to drive home Toph and Aang, and Katara decides she doesn't want to hang out alone with her brother and his boyfriend, so she walks home not long after.

Zuko kisses him pretty much as soon as they've all left. Sokka melts into it, and sure, maybe the kiss goes on a  _ little  _ too long for someone who can't breathe, but Sokka isn't complaining.

"That was shit to talk about," Zuko says, looking tired.

"It wasn't much fun to hear about, either, I assure you," Sokka jokes and Zuko rolls his eyes.

"Well, you didn't get murdered," Zuko nudges Sokka with his elbow to prove he's kidding too, "So I think it's safe to say I have it worse."

Sokka kisses him again, just because he can. 

Zuko makes Sokka take the journal with him when he goes home. For something Sokka shouldn't have read in the first place, people sure do seem to  _ want _ him to read it now.

It's exactly what Zuko had told him to do, too. He'd told Sokka to look through it again and see if there's something they missed. Sokka doesn't really want to, and again it's at least a  _ bit  _ selfish. 

Katara won't stop giving him weird looks and sad smiles, and Sokka  _ knows  _ why, but he still wants her to stop. It feels like every time he catches her staring at him from across a room, the little countdown in his head gets louder.

He wonders if Zuko can hear it, too.

It's late at night, and he's reading Zuko's diary for what feels like the millionth time when he sees it.

(Sokka wishes he'd seen it sooner. Or maybe he wishes he'd never seen it at all.)

December 11th. The same entry Zuko got stuck on the first time he'd read it. 

Zuko is called into his father's office.

There isn't an office at the house.

When he asks Katara in the morning, she agrees. "You know the house better than I do. There isn't an office."

Katara makes him call Izumi. 

"I haven't spoken to her in actual weeks," he says, sounding maybe a little whiney.

"Look, if you tell Zuko like it's some big revelation and you end up being wrong, it'll be shitty. Just ask her now and maybe save yourself some trouble."

He sticks his tongue out at her as the phone rings. 

"Sokka?" Izumi answers after only a few seconds. "Is something wrong?"

"Oh, uh. No," Sokka sputters. "I just had a question about the house."

Sokka can almost hear her sigh in relief. "Alright. What can I hel-" there's some rustling, followed by an exasperated, " _ No _ , Iroh, I'm not telling you who it is-" and then footsteps.

"Guess she hasn't told him," Sokka whispers to Katara, and she snickers.

They can hear a door close before Izumi speaks again. "Sorry. Anyway, what can I help you with?"

"We were wondering if the house has an office? Or something?" Sokka asks and immediately feels like an idiot. If there was one,  _ they would know already. _

"Uh," Izumi says, "Not that I've seen?"

"Ok!" Sokkka says, overly cheery. He really doesn't want to have to answer any follow-up questions she might have, even if he doesn't blame her for asking. "That's all! Thanks!"

Izumi stutters for a moment, "Uh, alright. No problem. Bye, now."

Sokka turns off his phone and immediately sighs. "Fuck. Ok, then what office was Zuko talking about?"

"What are _ you  _ talking about?" Katara raises an eyebrow.

"First off, Zuko told me to read the diary again," Sokka holds his hands up as if to prove his innocence, "Second, in one of the entries, he mentions his father's study or whatever."

Katara seems suspicious but doesn't say anything. "So you think it might've been in there?

Sokka shrugs. "I really don't know, but we sort of need to look at all our options."

Zuko doesn't remember the office, or a study, or  _ anything _ . 

"There isn't one? I've lived here forever, I think I would've noticed," he says, giving Sokka a weird look. 

Katara groans, "Alright, either there is one, and he can't remember, or there isn't one at all. Sorry, Zuko, but I don't think we should take your word for it."

Zuko opens his mouth to disagree but decides to cross his arms instead. "Fine. I  _ guess  _ you have a point."

It's Mai that knows, in the end. 

"I never went in it or anything, but I'd seen the door a few times," she tells Sokka over the phone. Zuko is leaning over his shoulder, listening close. "I thought you just didn't want to go in. It would've made sense."

Zuko maintains that the door doesn't exist. Sokka notices that every time the ghost thinks about it too hard, it starts smelling like smoke.

Mai doesn't say anything when she comes to the house the next day. She goes straight for the hallway near the stairs, stopping in front of the back wall. 

"Here," she mumbles. "It's here, or at least it was."

Suki arrives with the others a few minutes later. 

"Why are we sitting in this tiny hallway?" Toph complains, but there's not much bite to it, and she seems a little nervous.

Mai reaches out and knocks on the wall to her left. When Katara knocks on the back wall, it's different. 

"Oh," Zuko breathes. "There's a door."

Mai pulls out a pocket knife, because  _ of fucking course she has one _ , and says, "Call whoever owns this house and tell her we're wrecking the wallpaper."

Toph laughs out of what Sokka suspects is entirely surprise. 

"Can we  _ do  _ that?" Aang whispers to Suki.

Katara is reaching into Sokka's pocket for his phone, but he hardly notices because the barely-there shape of Zuko against him suddenly gets  _ very _ cold.

Sokka bats Katara's hand away. "I can go call her, Zuko, come with me?"

If anyone thinks it's weird, they don't say anything. 

"Aren't you going to call her?" Zuko asks when Sokka puts his phone away.

Sokka shrugs, "I just texted her instead. She's not going to tell us  _ not to  _ or anything. Your second cousin or whatever is actually pretty cool."

"Yeah," Zuko says, maybe smiling just a bit. Sokka thinks he might say something else, but the silence stretches on long enough that it's almost awkward.

Zuko has that sort of determined look on his face, so Sokka decides he's not going to say anything until Zuko gets it out first. 

He might be stalling too, just a bit. He really doesn't want to think about what happens when they go through that door.

"You- I-," Zuko stammers and sighs. He looks up at the sky and then back at Sokka. "You know I'm like, in love with you, right?"

That is  _ not _ where Sokka thought that was going. 

"Don't say that," Sokka blurts without thinking, and before Zuko can look too disappointed, he tries to recover, "I mean,  _ yes _ , and you know, me too."

It's scary how easy it is to admit to that. How he can say it without thinking.

Zuko seems significantly less scared now, but he's still nervous. "But?"

"But just-" Sokka stumbles. "Don't say it like this is  _ it _ because it's not."

(Sokka wishes that he'd been born sixty years early. That Zuko had been born sixty years late.)

"Ok," Zuko says and smiles. But it's a sad smile that says a million things that Sokka knows Zuko won't, like,  _ "We're lying to ourselves,"  _ and  _ "Neither of us are lucky _ , _ "  _ and  _ "I'm going to miss you _ ."

So Sokka kisses him,  _ anything  _ to make it go away, and it's so good that it hurts.

When they go back inside Sokka says, "Izumi said it was fine," even though Izumi hadn't responded, and even if she had, it wouldn't have mattered. The door looks the same as all the others.

Sokka hates it. 

It takes some convincing, but Suki manages to push it open. The lights inside won't turn on, and the window on the back wall is so dusty that hardly anything comes through.

There's a big desk in the middle, and one wall is covered in old books with stupid names about business, and the whole room feels so wrong that Sokka thinks he might be sick.

Mai is standing next to a fireplace. The clock on the mantle is still ticking away, though it's an hour off. 

Zuko must notice the fireplace, too, because he makes a noise that could've been words. The temperature drops so quick that Sokka can't react until the window frosts over.

Sokka likes to think of himself as pretty smart, even if his sister might disagree. He's smart enough, at least, to make the connection.

Burn scar. Fireplace.

(Sokka wishes for a lot of things.)

Zuko turns to look at them with a strangely calm expression that makes Sokka's stomach drop.

"No,  _ no _ , wait, hang on," Sokka can hear himself saying quickly, and then there are more voices behind him that must belong to his friends because who else would it be and then Zuko grabs the hand that Sokka had reached out and then everything stops.

_ His sister isn't home, and his father looks angry, but it doesn't make any sense because they were  _ so careful  _ and he wasn't even doing anything wrong, and he wants to run so badly, but it feels like his legs are stuck to the floor. _

_ There's a hand gripping his arm and a voice calling him horrible things, and he can feel himself screaming for his mother, and then the hand is on the back of his head, and suddenly everything is  _ so warm,  _ and then there's nothing. _

_ He left so many people behind. _

Sokka wakes up to his sister hugging him. She's crying, and Sokka slowly realizes that he must be, too, because something is missing.

He knows what's wrong. 

"Oh, kid," Mai says from somewhere above him, and her voice sounds rough.

Everyone is sad and slow as they're leaving the house. Mai makes Sokka give her Izumi's phone number. His father is worried, and Sokka can hear Katara trying to explain, but she can't get it out, either. Sokka knows he should go help, but he can't stop thinking about how Zuko is  _ gone, _ and there's nothing anybody can do about it.

All he has is the journal and the yearbook and the  _ stupid  _ drawing he'd done all those weeks ago. Something about the drawing hurts more than the rest. 

He doesn't change out of his clothes. He doesn't even mean to fall asleep, either, but thinking about any of it  _ hurts _ , so he holds the old yearbook photo in one hand and stares out into his room until he closes his eyes.

(Sokka wishes for Zuko, but wishing never got anybody anything.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is a sort of epilogue
> 
> if you would like to scream at me, feel free. tumblr: @theleftdualdaosword
> 
> EDIT (12/30/2020): @artbyrorjackk on tumblr made some [fanart](https://artbyrorjackk.tumblr.com/post/638904206295793664/from-theleftdualdaosword-s-newest-chapter-of) for this chapter and i haven't stopped screaming since!!!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: grieving (?) 
> 
> i hate writing endings i hate writing endings i hate writing endings

It wasn't a bad dream. Sokka had hoped it might've been, but when he opens his eyes to see his bedroom is the same as it's been for the past two days, he knows he isn't that lucky.

He should get up. Katara can't bring Sokka snacks forever, and he knows his father is waiting for an explanation. Two days of crying is starting to hurt, too.

Sokka really would rather do  _ anything  _ else than explain, and thought more than once about just making Katara do it, and she would, too, because she's a good sister, but Sokka would feel terrible about it. 

He's been feeling terrible anyway. 

Sokka doesn't get up until he's  _ sure  _ no one else is in the kitchen. Hakoda left dinner out, but it's cold by now, and the microwave would make noise.

He's digging around for a bag of chips when there are footsteps on the stairs. 

"Sokka," his dad says, and Sokka sighs. 

"Yeah?" Sokka asks, trying to sound as normal as possible. He'll tell his dad later, he really will, he just does  _ not  _ want to do it now. 

"Can we talk?" 

Sokka pretends to keep looking through the pantry. "About what?"

" _ Sokka, _ " and even though Sokka can't see him, he knows Hakoda is standing there with his arms crossed, looking down just enough to make Sokka feel bad. "You've been acting strangely for  _ days.  _ Katara's off, too. You need to tell me what's wrong."

Sokka sighs. 

He must not say something fast enough because then his dad says, gentler, "Is this about Yue?"

The last thing Sokka wants to think about right now is Yue.  _ Zuko  _ hurts enough, but bringing up Yue just feels low. 

" _ Why  _ would this be about Yue?" He snaps and then immediately feels bad. His dad doesn't know. His dad doesn't know because Sokka  _ won't tell him.  _ But Sokka's angry, and he thinks it's not very fair that he's the one who has to tell everyone what happened. He wants to think about it the _least_.

Hakoda holds his hands up. "Okay, alright. Not about Yue." The  _ 'then what is it about?'  _ goes unsaid. "You need to talk to me."

Sokka sighs. "It's Zuko."

Hakoda doesn't say anything. 

"It's a long story, but he's..." Sokka stares down at the floor, "dead? Gone, at least. It was complicated."

Sokka doesn't think that's what his dad thought he was going to say. 

"Oh," Hakoda says. "Oh, Sokka."

Sokka can hardly stand up in time before his dad is hugging him. 

It's like a dam breaks. "He was already dead- that's why he looked kind of weird- but now he's gone for real this time, and I don't know what to do-"

Hakoda hushes him. "There's not really anything to do. I know it's bad to think about, but can you tell me? Try, at least? I'll admit, 'already dead' doesn't make a lot of sense, but I want to help."

Sometimes he forgets that Hakoda lost Kya as much as he and Katara did. He knows how to handle this. At least a little bit. So Sokka takes a deep breath and explains. All of it.

How they found Zuko, to that one time they spent the day at a graveyard, to the random old woman who had called Sokka at dinner,  _ all of it.  _ Hakoda doesn't seem to believe the ghost thing at first, but then Sokka points out that Zuko literally floated right in front of him, and his dad gets the idea.

At the end of it, his Dad exhales slowly. "So he's really not coming back?"

Sokka shakes his head. "I don't think so. It's probably not good to wait around for it, either."

The next few days are slow. Sokka eats dinner with his dad and Katara, and even though she's sad too, she does most of the talking for him. She sneaks into his bedroom one night, looking a little red in the face.

"You told Dad?" She says, doing her best _'I don't care_ ,' impression

Sokka nods, "Yeah. He needed to know, and I guess I sort of wanted to talk about it."

"Okay," she says, though he's not sure it's to him. "Okay." And then she's shoving herself onto his bed and giving him a hug, because Sokka knows she could probably hear him crying, too.

Suki calls once or twice to check on him. "I haven't seen you at school. Are you okay?" Sokka makes some noncommital noise, and he can almost hear her rolling her eyes. "It's okay if the answer is 'no,' you know. This sucked for everyone, but don't pretend like it's unreasonable that you need more time or something."

"I-" Sokka tries, but he knows she's probably glaring at him or something, so instead, he slumps in his chair. "Thanks, Suki."

"Of course, dumbass," she says, and then the call ends.

When he does go back, the others try not to mention it at first. It almost bothers him- it's not like he's made out of  _ glass,  _ they don't need to treat him like a baby- but then he sort of appreciates it. Every time he sees Aang, it obvious that it's taking all of the boy's effort to keep himself from asking if Sokka is ok. They care about him.

Thinking about Zuko doesn't hurt as much anymore, though he still tries to avoid it, because thinking about what it was like when Zuko was there leads to thinking about how he  _ isn't  _ anymore.

He goes to visit Mai sometimes. It's different for her, she's already lost Zuko once. She's able to talk about him without getting too sad. Sometimes Mai will let him lose at chess in silence, but more often than not, she'll talk about anything. Sokka sort of likes letting her fill the silence. 

"Did you know he was terrible at math?" She tells Sokka, and he doesn't have to ask who she's talking about.

"No, actually," Sokka says, letting himself sound a little petty. He's had a bad day. He doesn't want to think about it.

"Ty Lee had to help him do all his math homework. I swear he wouldn't have passed if it weren't for her," Mai says, with a tone that suggests that Sokka has no choice other than to let her talk at him. "He was better in his English classes. He probably wrote half of Jet's essays."

If Sokka doesn't want to talk about Zuko, the last thing he wants to talk about is  _ Jet.  _ It's not that Sokka doesn't  _ like  _ Jet, it's just. Weird.

"Sometimes it felt like all those two did at lunch was each other's homework," Mai moves one of her pieces as soon as Sokka finishes his turn. "It was that or bothering me."

"Did you not like Jet or something?" Sokka asks and Mai gives him a very knowing look.

She shrugs. "He and I wouldn't have been friends if it weren't for Zuko, but I liked him enough to let him pretend to date my girlfriend. He was alright."

"Whatever happened to Jet, anyway?" 

Mai shrugs. "We kept in touch after Ty Lee and I left, but at some point, the letters stopped. My bet is that he ran off to Ba Sing Se around the same time Ty Lee and I moved back here. Lost each other's addresses."

That's not really what Sokka was expecting. He thought it would've been more dramatic or something. Not as simple as losing addresses.

"Oh," Sokka says a little absently. He has another question. It's dumb and stupid and might just make him feel worse, but Mai is already talking about it, so he might as well. "Do you think he and Zuko were, you know..."

Mai looks like she does know, actually, even though she says, "Know what?"

Sokka decides this wasn't worth it. He gulps. "You know, like, in love, or whatever?"

"Were you and Zuko?" she asks, staring down at the chess table. 

"Yeah," Sokka says eventually, "He said it the same day."

Mai doesn't often give him any pity or special treatment, and Sokka appreciates it. But now, she looks at him a little sadly. "I'm sorry, kid."

"I mean, I figure that they were and everything, and I don't  _ really  _ care. I just wanted to know, I guess," Sokka blurts, trying to change the subject.

"Well, I can't say for sure, because I'm not either of them," she sounds mildly amused, "But yes, I think you figured correctly."

Sokka nods. He doesn't know why he cares. It doesn't matter. It didn't really matter before, and it especially doesn't matter now that Zuko's gone. 

They don't say anything else until Mai wins the game (she always does, Sokka lets her cheat), and Sokka gets up to leave.

"Hey, kid," she says while he grabs his jacket. "This whole thing is unfair, and as his best friend, I think I'm allowed to tell you that he loved you. Pretty much since the beginning."

Sokka's throat feels tight, and his eyes start to burn, so he just gives her a very quick nod as he walks over to the door.

Izumi gives him a key to the house.

"Look, I don't really know the details, and honestly, I'm not sure that I want to, but I think you deserve to be able to get inside without me accusing you of being a criminal," she says, holding out a shiny little key between them. "If you don't want it, I understand, but the offer's there."

Sokka grabs it without thinking. "Thank you. There's not really a reason to, but, I do wanna go inside."

She gives him a knowing look over her glasses. "I haven't told my son, but I can if you want."

"Uh," Sokka blanks. "Probably- Probably not. I don't think I want to explain that I was, you know-"

"Oh, good," Izumi smiles. "I don't, either."

He doesn't actually go to the house until a month later. Most days he doesn't really think about it anymore, but sometimes he forgets- if the thermostat goes out, or if someone nearby is smoking, but he can't see where- and that's when it hits him all over again.

His friends are nice about it, and even if Katara let him spend so much time moping anymore, he knows she means well. 

The house is exactly the same when he opens the door. Everything is where they left it, except for the wallpaper they'd torn down. The office door is shut. Sokka doesn't even consider going inside there. 

The door to Zuko's bedroom is open, and so is the window inside. The bed is made, even if the sheets are more than a little dusty, and it creaks when Sokka sits down on it. 

He's going with Mai tomorrow to the graveyard. She'd said something once about how Zuko and Azula probably hadn't gotten flowers recently, and Sokka had asked her if they could go.

Sokka knows what flowers to bring, too, for Zuko, anyway. Who knows if Azula liked firelilies. She doesn't really seem like the flower type, honestly.

Sokka had never gotten Zuko flowers  _ before.  _ He hadn't really thought of it, either. It seemed like an old fashioned thing, he had no reason to think of doing it. Sokka doesn't think Zuko would blame him.

It's quiet and cold, so Sokka buries his hands into his hoodie pocket (not the hoodie he lent Zuko. He can't wear it yet) before falling back onto the bed. 

His phone buzzes.

**_ annoying baby sister  _ **

_ u alright? u didn't come home _

Sokka takes a deep breath. He thinks about it, he really does.

**_ captain boomerang _ **

_ i'm at zuko's. _

_ i'm alright. be home later _

He's not perfectly okay  _ yet.  _ But that's fine, because he will be. Eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it, everyone. 40k-ish later and we're done. this is the first fic i've done that's like this, really? and it sort of ended up meaning a lot to me by the end of it which is wild. *something else heartfelt ig like*
> 
> i'm not going to do a sequel to this fic, and i really did think about it, but i don't think it would feel right. BUT! this isn't the end of this au. i've got a couple of oneshots that are going to go up sometime soon, probably before the end of february? i won't say too much but one's azula's pov and the other is mai's, since i have literally so much to say about them that i couldn't really use sokka to talk about lmao
> 
> the fact that there's a bunch of people who wanted to read this, and some people who even made content (there's fanart!!! and a freaking tiktok!!!) is insane to me, so like, thanks for all that. it's been fun.
> 
> my tumblr is, as always: @theleftdualdaosword


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